LOVE ME HARDER • jb

09.

This is a repost bc I felt the original sucked so much a$$ also new and perfect cover goes to bae bieberella.

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"...why did I feel abandoned when I just met him?"

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Waking up to a pounding headache, a churning stomach, an beads of sweat falling down my face was not something I expected to happen on this morning. The chills and body aches still happened on and off in my body ever since the alcohol poisoning that occurred a little over two weeks ago. With the nightmare that happened just moments ago, the state I woke up in wasn't helping me at all.

The nightmares have been occurring to me a lot lately. They were like a never ending movie that happened every time I closed my eyes. I was a big fan of horror movies, but the nightmares I was not a fan of at all. I guess you experience things differently when you're actually apart of them. In these nightmares I was the white girl who ran as fast as she possibly could run away from the killer who always managed to still be right behind you. It wasn't a great experience. Then again I was never good with nightmares and I don't think I will ever become friends with them.

These nightmares felt so different from when I was a little girl, however. They felt so real that sometimes I would be scared that I wouldn't ever wake up from them and I would have to live the rest of my life running from the monster always behind my back. I was scared that one day I would open my eyes expecting to be home in my bed, but I wouldn't be. I would be laying in a dark alley in a torn up dress, looking up to find the boy with red eyes just staring down at me with so much hunger in his eyes. But I didn't want that to happen.

I shook away all the negative thoughts, reaching over to my bedside table grabbing my phone. I unlocked it squinting my eyes as the bright light of my phone hit my eyes causing me to lose sight for just a few seconds. Seeing that it was 6:03AM I groaned knowing that I wouldn't be able to get anymore sleep. Today I had to follow my mother's direct orders and go back to school.

Groaning, I threw my heavy blankets off of my body and hopped out my bed. I walked over to my bedroom curtains, pulling them over and instantly screeching when the sunlight hit my eyes. I should just learn to keep these curtains open, but ever since I haven't been back to school it had become my thing.

I walked over to my bathroom doing my usual morning routine of using the toilet, taking a long twenty minute shower and brushing my teeth. After standing for about two minutes wrapped around in a towel I decided to take some Advil tablets to help tame the throbbing and the chills from my nightmare. I knew that the symptoms of alcohol poisoning would at least keep me hostage for another week, so I kept a bottle of painkillers in random places so I would never have to be in pain for too long.

After swallowing four tablets, I looked in the mirror beginning to scan my reflection as I combed through my hair with my fingers. A few minutes passed by as I tried my best to get the wet tangles out of my hair and I hesitated as a thought crossed my mind. I was getting wickedly tired of my natural hair color. Since I was young my hair has been this beautiful blonde-gold color and always so healthy. My mother and father would never let me do anything to it so that it wouldn't get damaged. But ever since I've turned 18 I've been thinking of maybe dying my hair a darker color. I always felt a bit out of place in my household with my mother and sister both having long dark hair. I got my hair from my father and with him never being around, it didn't really matter that I received a gene from him. But, as I brushed my fingers through my thick hair one last time, I decided that it was time for a change.

I walked back into my bedroom and over to my closet. Pushing through the doors I walked in and straight to my rack of clothes filled with endless uniform options for school. I pulled out a white polo from the hanger and dropped my towel to the floor and was about to pull the shirt on when I remembered I forgot to get my undergarments. Shaking my head in laughter, I walked over to a tiny dresser in the corner pulling out a Calvin Klein bra and panties putting them on before placing the white polo on over. I then grabbed a red cardigan draping it over my body, my usual school skirt and decided against wearing heels to school today. I was scared that I might end up getting light headed and fall flat on my face. So shaking my head I pulled a pair of jet black ballet flats off my shoe rack.