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s1 ep9: mansin city

"I am disappointed. And not just disappointed, I am disgusted. How dare you."

Marc Snuffy was very fucking happy he wasn't the coach of Manshine City.

In fact, he was very fucking happy he was born Italian and lucky enough to not get scouted for Manshine City.

It was clear Manshine City was hell on earth. It made Ubers look like the gateway to heaven with how dys-fucking-functional it was. Chris was such a nice guy (most of the time). He didn't deserve to be put with a bunch of entitled motherfuckers all the time. He and Noa.

"Do you have any idea how much that could've cost you? Your careers. Your lives. How dare you."

"Who's gonna tell him his time is up?" Loki muttered, his hands clutching a weird colorful bag that Nitta probably gave him. Lavinho shrugged, leaning back in his chair more than ever. He did not give a flying fuck, and it was clear.

"I'll do it." Snuffy volunteered himself, partially so he could have a fucking ball talking to the Neo-Egoist League about manners, and partially so Chris Prince could rest his vocal cords. Standing, he tapped the animated Chris on the shoulder.

"Princi. You're done." He said, beckoning over to a free chair behind them. "It's my turn." Marc grinned when he heard an audible "oh no" from the crowd. This was gonna be fun.

"Thanks, Snuff." Chris gave him a thumbs up, walking over to the chair and dumping himself on it, nearly falling over. Snuffy turned to the crowd of football players and cracked his knuckles.

"So uh, what happened yesterday? Anyone wanna explain?"

The crowd was completely silent. Snuffy's phone beeped, no doubt a message from the famous group chat. He completely ignored it.

Tentatively, some blue-haired nobody raised their hand. They looked like a literal child. They probably were one. "Two members of opposing teams got into a fight."

Marc sighed. "Okay. That's not too bad. Sorry, what's your name?"

"Hiori Yo."

"Never heard of you. So," Snuffy crouched and then opted to just sit on the table that had previously occupied Chris Prince. The kids looked on in mild confusion, awe, and horror. "Football players are angry. It's all pent-up rage, building from getting yellow card after yellow card. It's only a matter of time until something happens, right?"

A couple of nods. Good. "Right. Y'know, this whole thing reminds me of something. Lemme set the scene." Snuffy's phone vibrated with a vigor unmatched, no doubt visible to the rows upon rows of aspiring football stars. "So it was me, Noel Noa, Leonardo Luna, like, fucking Adam Blake or whatever." Some of the players audibly gasped at his blatant cursing. Marc Snuffy did not give a fuck.

"I know some of you Blue Lockers have met Leonardo Luna, right? He told me about y'all." More nods. Good. Crowd engagement was important. "Well, he's fucking crazy, on and off the field. He has like 'Moon Meltdowns,' because like, his name is Luna and it's wild. Honestly. So it's 2011 during this huge get-together, and Adam Blake walks up to me and he's like, 'have you seen Luna?' And I'm like 'no.'"

Behind him, Noel Noa audibly groaned, dragging a hand across his face, not disrupting his perfect eyeliner. He remembers this story. Quite clearly.

"Wait! Is this the thing when—" Lavinho exclaimed before getting quickly cut off by Noa with a 'shh.' Loki listened, enraptured. Chris was asleep.

"I'm like 'why are you looking for Luna?' And Adam's like 'well I was supposed to drive him here, but we got into a screaming match and he got out in the middle of the road.'"

Lorenzo snickered.

"So I'm like 'what the fuck, we gotta find Luna.' So we go to Noel Noa, who was talking with Lavinho for some reason, and we're like 'have you seen Luna?' Noel goes 'no I haven't,' but Lavinho's like 'oh yeah I did see Luna at some random convenience store.'"

Snuffy heard a mutter from some kid about how his speech had nothing to do with the fight. He fought down a laugh and continued.

"So we all hop into Noel's car and we go looking for Luna. Turns out we find him eating fucking powdered donuts outside of a 7-Eleven. We're all understandably pissed, but then the owner comes out and is like 'oh my god are you all football players?' and we have to resist the urge to start screaming. All but one. Can you guys guess who that person was?"

This time nearly the whole crowd responded with varying levels of enthusiasm. "Leonardo Luna?"

"Leonardo fucking Luna I swear to god. He starts screaming. This motherfucker throws the donuts onto the ground and starts wailing about the man in the mirror, whatever the fuck, and the owner calls the police. So now the whole group is hauling ass back to Noel's car, dragging Luna as he's screaming his head off like a siren. We throw his ass into the vehicle, climb in, and drive the fuck off as soon as the police get there. Y'know, in hindsight it's not as random anymore, all things considered, but it is so fucking funny. That was our first squad incident. Am I missing anything?"

Snuffy turned to the assembled master strikers. Loki looked awe-inspired. Lavinho was grinning. Noa was exasperated. Chris was snoring. Finally, the world's number one striker raised his hand.

"You forgot the part when Chris punched me in the face because we ran off without him."

"Oh yeah, I do remember that." Snuffy nodded, turning back to the crowd. "Wild stuff. Anyways, what did you learn from this enlightening experience?"

Hiori raised his hand. "Leonardo Luna is crazy?"

"Yes. What else?"

Lorenzo raised his hand. "The football industry is full of free entertainment?"

"Yes. What else?"

Some raven-haired kid with blue eyes raised his hand. "Chris Prince has anger issues?"

"Absolutely. Never say that to his face though. That reminds me of a time when—"

"You're done, Snuffy." Noel Noa got up, shoving Marc off the table as he stood in front of it. "You all have learned your lesson. Eat, and sleep. You have a big day coming up."

"We do?" Loki asked, out of it.

"Yes." Shooing off the aspiring football players, Noa stared Snuffy dead in the face.

"Why the fuck would you do that?" He exclaimed quietly. "The whole world is gonna think we're crazy?"

"We are. Besides, you're lucky I didn't talk about September 4th, 2012—"

"Shut up."

"Wait what's coming up?" Loki asked again. Lavinho, in his good graces, decided to answer.

"The trial."

Chris's persistent snoring hitched."

"What trial."

"The Trial of Nagi Seishirou, man!"

"My goodness me." Noel Noa muttered. "All of you have the mental capacity of kindergartners."

"Yessir." Snuffy saluted. "I'm hungry. Who wants uh... donuts?"

"I'm in the mood for a fucking donut."

"I'll take one."

The trio departed, leaving Noel Noa alone with the sleeping Chris Prince. Sighing, he turned to his world-class counterpart.

"Princi. Wake up."

Another hitch. "....why?"

"There's donuts."

a/n: can you tell snuffy is my favorite

yall i have no fucking clue where this book is going

you'll see more chatting next chapter probably

talking about leonardo luna makes me laugh he is so goofy for no reason

have a nice day