unidentified | billie eilish fanfiction

TWENTY: just a little weed

violet

"do you want to get high?" i asked.

"weren't you high just a couple days ago?" she frowned.

"yeah, but what's the harm of just a little weed?" i replied. "it calms my nerves well too."

"i don't really smoke so i might cough like a loser." she snorted.

"you haven't smoked before?" i frowned.

"of course i have, i'm not a complete loser. it's just been a long time since high school."  she shrugged.

"i guess you'll get to experience it in a more chilled way for the first time. it works wonders with calming nerves, if you smoke just the right amount." i winked, her cheeks turned into a cute rosy color.

i grabbed my pre rolled joint and grabbed her hand. "where are we going?" she asked as we stepped into the elevator.

"up" i simply replied. once the door opened i pulled her hand so she followed me. "now don't freak, i hope you're not scared of heights." i opened the door to the roof of my apartment complex.

"is it safe here? are we allowed to be up here?" she asked.

"hey, just trust me." i squeezed her hand. "i wouldn't bring you up here if it wasn't."

"okay." she nodded. i took her to the nearest corner where there was an abandoned table.

"we aren't even going near the edge, just a table that allows us to see the view while being safe." i sat on top of the table, and she copied me.

"i love your nails" she said, while i was struggling to light the blunt because of all the wind. i looked up to her to see that her gorgeous face is hiding behind strands of black hair, only really exposing her pink lips. the ones i so desperately want to kiss but are off limits.

"here let he help you." she tucked some of those strands behind her ear and scooted closer to create a barrier between the wind and the flame i lit up. mission successful, i looked at her eyes, so easy to get lost in them.

she pulled back, cleared her throat, and looked at the view bellow us. i took a long drag from the joint between my fingers and passed it to her. i studied the way she took it from me, how she held it with her pointer finger and thumb when she inhaled, the way her lips wrapped around it, how she exhaled. she doesn't feel real, even though i know for a fact that she's there.

"why do we get our periods?" she asked.

"what you're on your period?" i chuckled, and took another drag.

"no, it's just why do women have to go through that? why don't men also get their periods? like we walk around for a week every month, bleeding from our vaginas. then we are the ones called sensitive?" she looked at me frowning as she took the joint once again. it was silent for a good minute cause i wanted her to continue.

"have you seen a man while he's sick? my brother finneas acts like a baby more that his toddler son when he's sick. i just wish a man could experience a period once in his life, that way they can actually see how strong women are. women are so much stronger than men, they are the superior gender. that's why i date women not men." she shrugged.

"wow you're really passionate about this topic aren't you?" i smiled.

"how can you not be passionate about this topic?" she asked.

"probably because i don't give a single shit about anyone but me at this moment." the sky suddenly became so interesting to me.

"yeah so how can you even do that? only give a shit about yourself? like i'm sure everyone tells themselves that they'll take care of themselves and think less about people. but talking personally i just forget the pep talk i gave myself before i went to sleep, the morning after. so what's your secret? how do you do it?" she raised a brow.

"i gaslight myself and everyone around me."

"sold plan." she nodded. "might try it out. if i don't forget of course."

"do you wanna go back in? it's pretty cold here, don't you think so?"

"yeah i don't think it's safe for me to be up here anymore too. i'm high." she pronounced her words very slowly.

"does a little weed effect you that much? it's not like you took some mushrooms." i teased her.

"no, but i'm secretly scared of this roof top." she admitted.

"yeah i'm aware." i shook my head as i walked her back into the building and into my flat once again. "you're one of those people that get absolutely knackered when they're high?" i chuckled at the sight of billie laying on her stomach on my bed.

"everything feels so good. i forgot how being high is so calming." her muffled voice said. "do you do this a lot?"

"no i really don't, i smoke cigarettes more. weed is only when i have those self destructive thoughts that i can't handle, and sometimes cause i'm bored aka right now." i replied.

"so that day you called me.."

"i had a million thoughts screaming at me in my brain and i had to do something to shut them up, yes." i confirmed her suspicions.

"i go to therapy for that but i guess drugs work too." she rolled over to her back.

then we just layed beside each other. i don't know about her but i wanted to kiss her, i wanted to touch her, strip her clothes off and show her a good time. i can be really good to her, i can make her feel so good.

nothing more than that though.

"can i just say this?" billie spoke up, her voice sounds like it took her a lot of courage to get that sentence out.

"spit it out."

"i know we said that we are just going to be friends and nothing more, but doesn't that sound unrealistic to you? like there is definitely this thick ass tension between and you we i both know that we can't just be friends."

"what do you want to do about it?" i raised a brow.

"i don't know, all i know is that i want you. i don't care about the fact that you don't want us to be anything but friends. all i care about is my lips in contact with yours and your body naked on top of mine."

"weed sure does make you confident doesn't it?" i rolled on top of her and she couldn't help but put on that beautiful smile of hers.

"yes i guess it does." her icy blue eyes stared at my soul with desire. begging for more, begging for something. and then my lips met hers and i hate to be the not so literal narrator of events but, she... and i.. our lips. us. we make an explosive chemical reaction. our dna works just right together.

she tries to overpower my tongue but i don't allow her. she tugs on my shirt, telling me she wants it off. i pulled away and looked at the way i affected her, her lips swollen, cheeks flushed. "what?"

"strip, i'll be back." i said before going to the toilet. i quickly took off my gun holster and hid it under the sink.

"now how is that fair? i strip and you're fully clothed when i was the one that wanted you shirt off first?" she looked at me with wide eyes, when all could look at was her gorgeous bare body. just laying there, waiting for me on my bed. if you asked her about it this moment, she'd say i was practically drooling at the sight of her.

i just stripped my clothes off as fast as i could. she was probably thinking 'why is she in a hurry? i ain't running away.' but i couldn't wait to touch her. i couldn't wait.

"did anyone every tell you how beautiful you are?" i was i top of her once again. "from the very top of your head to your toes, you're unreal."

"you," she breathed out trying to get a look at me. "need to fuck me right fucking now."