The Lip Locker

One Step Forward, Two Steps Back

And then I feel myself leaning in.

And before I muster up the courage to do what I've wanted to do ever since I layed eyes on her nine years ago, I hear footsteps rush upstairs, and I push myself away reluctantly, jumping away from her and pretending to be preoccupied by her textbooks that I threw lazily onto her desk.

"Hey, you left your phone in my car." My head snaps up and I thank Normani as she hands me my phone. She must've noticed how soft my voice was and she looks like she was going to say something, but she hesitated, and said goodbye, closing the door after her.

I let out a breath of relief and look over at Lauren.

And I want to punch myself.

This is the same girl that's friendly with everyone in the school. There are better people in my school, more attractive, less nerdy and more confident. I'm none of those things.

I'm just some girl who spends her spare time fangirling over bands and telling people corny jokes.

What's so special about me?

Lauren cried to me about not being enough for me. She was wrong.

I'm not enough for her.

░░░

When she wakes up later that day, I tell her that I got bored and did her English 4 Honors homework for her. She gave me a dopey smile and, without thinking, I sit next to her and move aside the sweaty strands that are covering her tired eyes. She closes her eyes and when I think she's dozed off, I slowly stand up and collect my things, about to leave until I hear her whimper.

"Camz?" I hear her murmur, and I almost whimper because she sounds so hot.

"Ye-yeah L- yeah, Lo?" I ask, stuttering because I'm just now realizing how awkward this is going to be for me.

"My mom left the cough medicine in my bottom nightstand drawer, can you get for me?" I nod, kneeling down next to the bed and going to open the top drawer.

"No, Camz, I said botto-" but it's too late.

I've found her Good Kisser list.

I'm about to apologize but I realize that she dozed off again. And I know that I shouldn't open it, because I know how many people she has kissed, but not how many people she deemed as good kissers. Opening this would just show that I'm just another good kisser to her, just another pair of lips.

░░░

Whatever pushed me to read her Good Kisser list was probably not an urge I should've followed, because I feel like utter shit. Not only because I sympathizing for her because of the fact that she's kissed over 700 people in her lifetime - I'm assuming, Lauren stopped numbering people she's kissed after 700.

Also, I'm just one of the many people she's deemed a good kisser.

All this time, I've been trying to get close to her. Whether I was just brushing past her in the crowded hallways, returning an unimportant item that she dropped while she walked to her next class, or being tutored by her.

It was all worthless, wasn't it?

What was I thinking anyway? She hasn't dated anyone since elementary school, and if she wanted to, she would've done it by now. She can pick whoever she wants, because no one could possibly turn down the Lauren Jauregui.

She has power over everybody.

I guess that's why her power over me is so immense, especially now that I've gotten to know her. Now that I could base my infatuation on more than her looks, more like her brain.

This was so much easier when all I saw was a pretty face.

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