Celeste's life is far from the enchanting fairy tale one might expect from a princess. Her father, a ruthless and self-absorbed king, leaves a trail of death and destruction in his wake. To seal alliances and maintain his power, he arranges for Cele...
At the beginning of the list, I wondered if what we did was the best choice, and I have an answer to that now. It was a terrible idea, stupid and thoughtless. There would have been easier and more humane ways to kill the king. But would I do it differently if I were in the same situation again? No.
Those other options, the more humane and easy ones, were not there at the time. Celeste would have been dead if we hadn't made this choice at headquarters. For a while I felt guilty for making this choice and convincing her to do this. One might wonder if the fate that awaits her now is better than death. But I am selfish enough to admit that I would rather have her in this condition than in the ground.
Those seven months were hell, all three of us agree. The mud, little sleep, bad food and always being on the road is something none of the three of us did well. Moving back into a house is also something that was not immediately the most normal thing in the world. How Celeste has locked herself in the office, I spend my time in the garden or the woods. Fresh outdoor air has become normal, as have dirty hands and shoes.
The last time we lived in a normal house was with the elves, but I don't like to think back to that. That night of our departure is burned into my retina like a painting. I cursed Walmoet for it, blamed Celeste and thought myself an idiot. Not a word was spoken about it, not then and not now. Alisha made attempts to start a conversation, but I just didn't want to. Eventually she stopped and I didn't bring it up, Celeste at all. I also tried to talk to her about it but she didn't want to as much as I did.
'How's it going here?' I look up from the red cabbage to Alisha. The smiling lady in the blue dress looks at me with her hands at her sides.
'They're good,' I reply as I refocus on our food for the winter. With the pocket knife, I cut yet another cabbage from the plant. We are lucky that the previous resident was smart enough to sow in the spring.
'That's great, then we can get ahead for a while. Have you seen Cel?' I look at her in surprise as soon as I put the cabbage in the wooden box with the rest.
'No. Isn't she in the office?' I ask confused. She hasn't been out once in all the time we've been here. Alisha slowly shakes her head, wobbling on her feet.
'She went to the village this morning to buy cigarettes, but she still hasn't returned.' Indignantly, I look at the lady next to me. I'm not surprised that's why Celste went to the village. She smokes more than the average chimney and I did when I was young together. We've had plenty of discussions about that too that went nowhere. That she stays away for a long time doesn't surprise me either. Celeste has the peculiar attraction that people strike up a conversation with her for no apparent reason, but most of all she has been doing nothing but avoiding me lately. She started it after we left Walmoet, but that was the tip of the iceberg.
'She'll come back,' is my annoyed reply. I turn my gaze back to the red cabbage and cut the twentieth cabbage from the plant. Alisha is silent for a moment, but does not leave. She stares at my hands as if harvesting cabbage is her new obsession.
'I've left it to you for a long time but this isn't going well and frankly I'm done with it. I don't know what exactly happened on Celeste and Walmoet's wedding night, since no one seems to want to tell me about it, but I have my own interpretations. It's been seven months and you still barely look at each other. You share a room, but I don't feel Celeste spends even a second there. Go talk to her or get over it, we've seen worse things than that.' Surprised, I look at Alisha. She is never the one with the big mouth and anything but a meddler. If Alisha gets angry, you've really done something wrong.
I drop the knife beside me and sink into the garden sitting down. Staring at the red cabbage, I search for the words.
'I've tried, talking to her, but she won't let me.!She always brushes it off, starts talking about something else or walks away. She avoids me as if I were the one who was in that bed with her. When I go to bed, she is either already asleep or comes in hours later. In either case, she's gone before I wake up.' What Alisha doesn't tell me is that she won't let me touch her in any way, even kissing has been totally out of the question for the past few months. When I met her she was uncomfortable with touch thanks to Christiaan, now it seems even worse than then. If she sleeps at all in anything other than a dress, it is a long nightgown with sleeves. As if she's afraid I'll see her body.
'What happened that night?' I hesitate for a moment before telling Alisha the whole story. From how Walmoet came to me and forced me to be there to the moment I left the room. Even that Celeste avoided my gaze and Walmoet just kept looking my way. I remember the helplessness, disgust and anger as if it were bubbling up again. The blue eyes lose their luster and find darkness. It is not sorrow or pity that darkens the blue, rather understanding. Slowly she sinks through her knees until she comes to sit in front of me. As soon as I speak the last words of my story, I am pulled into an embrace.
The warmth of Alisha's skin and the mental support this gesture provides make me feel like I'm not walking with a bag of rocks on my shoulders for a moment. I wrap my arms around her and pull the petite lady closer to me. The embrace does not last long, however, although we both seem to feel a need for it. Nor is it sexual, nor romantic or out of infatuation. It is the comfort of a good friend who understands and offers support.
Celeste, however, seems to disagree. As soon as I open my eyes and let go of Alisha, I look into two dark brown eyes that have a blazing fire in them. Celeste stands a few feet away with her black cloak on and a brown z in her hand.
'Don't wait for me with dinner,' is all she says before turning and walking into the door. Alisha jumps up from the floor, whips off her dress and looks at me. You'd say there's no reason for Celeste to get angry and for us to get upset. Realistically, a hug is not cheating and normal between friends. However, with Alisha and I's past, which Celeste is already not happy about, it's different.
'Seems like a good time to talk to each other,' Alisha says with all composure.
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