Celeste's life is far from the enchanting fairy tale one might expect from a princess. Her father, a ruthless and self-absorbed king, leaves a trail of death and destruction in his wake. To seal alliances and maintain his power, he arranges for Cele...
Together with Novak, I lie in our bed. Our backs against the mattress, eyes fixed on the wooden ceiling, with no possibility of sleep finding us in the coming hours. So much could be said, yet neither of us speaks, unable to choose from the hundreds of possibilities. As if neither of us wants to realize what tomorrow will bring.
Silence hangs in the room, while my thoughts race through my head.
'If Myles and my father see me, they'll be shocked,' Novak says after hours, surprising me.
'I don't even know if they'll recognize you,' I reply without looking around.
'Neither do I. It's been three years since I last saw them. Sara and Myles are already married, and I wasn't even there,' Novak shares more with himself than with me.
'Three years ago, you wouldn't have wanted to be at the wedding,' I remind him of his rebellious years. A small laugh sounds beside me.
'No, definitely not.'
Silence once again fills our room, hovering above and beside us.
During that silence, I realize I have no family to miss. Elien is here, and the rest of my family is either dead or soon to be. I no longer seem to know what it's like to miss family.
'What do you want to do after all this?' Novak eventually asks.
It's a question I've asked myself several times, and truthfully, I have no answer. Living in the castle is an option I'll never consider again, but where else can I go? I'd rather die than live in Runcast, Zilverwood is not an option, and the Half Moon Pack is a place I would never go now that Nelly is dead.
The only options left are the Black Forest Clan or Livas. Do I want to spend my life with vampires? Do I want to live in a big city? And a better question, what will I do in both places?
'I have no idea,' is my final answer. 'What about you?'
'I want to visit Myles and my father to see their reaction to my hair and eyes. What I want to do afterward, I don't know. I once wanted to see the entire country, and I did.'
'A tavern with only pancakes on the menu?' I suggest. Novak immediately bursts into laughter next to me, and the blankets shift slightly.
'No, I've visited enough taverns for the next ten years.' A smile plays on my lips, and for the first time, I turn my head towards him. Only then do I see that Novak has turned onto his side, his head resting on his left arm. The red eyes meet mine as a smile graces his lips.
'If you had told me this is how it would turn out when I found you at Rave, I wouldn't have believed you.'
'Would you still go?'
'Of course. I always said I was up for an adventure, and I meant it.' A small smile plays on my lips as I recall that moment in the forest.
Would I do it all over again if I knew? Probably. Choices were always indirectly made for me, yet I blame no one else for the things I've done but myself. The names, the spirits, and the magic, I'll take them to my grave, whether it's tomorrow or later.
'If I die tomorrow, will you take care of Elien?' I ask again, knowing the answer.
'You're not going to die tomorrow.'
'Novak, promise me.' A sigh escapes his lips.
'Even though you're not going to die tomorrow, I promise you I'll take care of Elien.' With a nod, I indicate that I've heard him. Does it take away all my nerves? No. Does it provide some reassurance? Yes.
'What do you think Elien will be like when he's our age?' I ask then. A smile appears on Novak's lips as he shifts his head slightly on his hand.
'Since he's your family, probably very stubborn, as it's quite mild now. Also, an absolutely terrible cook, independent, and I think he'll do well with women.' I raise my eyebrows in surprise.
'Why good with women?' I ask with disbelief in my voice. Novak lets out a small laugh.
'He's got the looks, is good with knives, so he'll be good with his fingers...'
'Okay, stop. I don't want to think about this at all,' I interrupt him, shaking my head. Novak laughs as he moves a bit closer to me.
'He has a good teacher. Be happy for the girl who'll stick around,' he continues triumphantly. With raised eyebrows, I look at the amused red eyes.
'You can go too far.'
'What? I never hear you complain,' he grins before lifting his free hand and moving his fingers through the air. It's an action that earns him a shove, making him laugh as he falls back onto his back.
Laughter echoes through the room for a while, dancing against the walls, before the silence returns.
Despite both of us trying to keep the mood light, the heavy silence returns the moment Novak stops laughing, and our eyes once again find the ceiling. As if we both realize again what tomorrow holds and what its consequences might be.
'Cel?'
'Yes?'
'I love you.' Surprised, I turn my head and look at him. It's the three words I know are there but are not often spoken. It always feels strange to hear them.
'If I had the choice, I would do exactly the same, no matter what happens tomorrow. You made me realize what it feels like to truly love someone, and I would give up everything for that again.' I gaze breathlessly at the man beside me. The man who made me see that life has beautiful parts, what love is, that sex can be enjoyable, and above all, what it's like to have someone standing by my side.
'I love you too. I couldn't and wouldn't have done this with anyone else. Thanks for standing by me, for trusting, for showing what love is, for your help, for everything.' Tears well up in my eyes as I utter words I've never said before. It seems to be the last thing I never said, a burden lifting from my shoulders despite not knowing it was there.
When I look at Novak, I see that tears have welled up in his eyes too. Without saying a word, he pushes himself up and towards me. He grabs me by my side, pulls me against him, and presses his lips to mine.
It's a kiss filled with many emotions and unspoken thoughts. Pain, joy, fear, but above all, love. A kiss with a beginning but no end.
A kiss that means more than words can capture and a kiss that leads to more.
My nightgown, my underwear, his shirt, his pants. Everything ends up on the floor while the kiss never stops.
On our sides, our hands find each other's bodies until the kiss turns into warm breaths. Fingers that stroke each other's skin as if trying to preserve the feeling, the shape, and the warmth in our brains.
Fingers are replaced by more, and the warm breaths turn into soft sounds of pleasure. As close as possible, as connected as possible.
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