𝘜𝘯𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘢𝘭 𝘚𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘺

𝓒𝓱𝓪𝓹𝓽𝓮𝓻 𝓢𝓲𝔁

𝖶𝖺𝗋𝗇𝗂𝗇𝗀: 𝖦𝗋𝖺𝗉𝗁𝗂𝖼 𝗌𝖼𝖾𝗇𝖾𝗌 𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇, 𝖺𝖻𝗎𝗌𝖾, 𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍𝗂𝗈𝗇 𝗈𝖿 𝗋𝖺𝗉𝖾 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗌𝗎𝗉𝗉𝗅𝖾𝗆𝖾𝗇𝗍 𝗎𝗌𝖾.

𝚃𝚅 - 𝙱𝚒𝚕𝚕𝚒𝚎 𝙴𝚒𝚕𝚒𝚜𝚑

- - -

It was a late night, Lector and I were in his session room. Sitting on opposite sides.

"𝗔𝗿𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗱𝗶𝗳𝗳𝗶𝗰𝘂𝗹𝘁𝘆 𝘀𝗹𝗲𝗲𝗽𝗶𝗻𝗴?" The doctor asked me.

"𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝘀𝗻'𝘁. 𝗡𝗼𝘄 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝗜 𝗱𝗼 𝗺𝘆 𝗱𝗮𝗶𝗹𝘆 𝗻𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗿𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗲.. 𝗔𝗯𝗶𝗴𝗮𝗶𝗹 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝗺𝘆 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱, 𝗜 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘀𝗲 𝗱𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺𝘀 𝗼𝗳..." I look a breath through my mouth looking to the side then back to the doctor, "𝗠𝗿. 𝗪𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝗚𝗿𝗮𝗵𝗮𝗺 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝗼𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴.. 𝗡𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗽 𝗮𝘁 𝗔𝗯𝗶𝗴𝗮𝗶𝗹'𝘀 𝗳𝗮𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿. 𝗔𝗹𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗮𝘀 𝗶𝗳 𝗜 𝘄𝗮𝘀... 𝗥𝗲𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗺𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁," I said.

He leaned a bit more toward in his chair, not braking the eye contact with me, but my eyes can't stay in place in his but scatter around the room.

"𝗧𝗲𝗹𝗹 𝗺𝗲 𝗬/𝗻, 𝗱𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗮𝗸 𝘁𝗼 𝘆𝗼𝘂?" He stayed silent waiting for my response.

I took another short breath and looked at him saying, "𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗻𝗼𝗶𝗰𝗲.. 𝗶𝗻 𝗰𝗹𝗮𝗿𝗶𝘁𝘆."

"𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝘀𝗰𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗺𝗮𝗱𝗻𝗲𝘀𝘀, 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝗮 𝗯𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱," he said to me still not braking his eye contact.

"𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘀𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝗴𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘀𝗲 𝗱𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺 𝗮𝗹𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗱𝗮𝗶𝗹𝘆 𝗶𝘀 𝗸𝗶𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝗲 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝘁𝗼 𝗴𝗲𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗔𝗯𝗶𝗴𝗮𝗶𝗹'𝘀 𝗳𝗮𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿," I said as I got a flashback of the dream I've gotten the most. Garrett Jacob Hobbs threatening to kill Abigail as she struggled to provide him from doing anything. Will yelling and pointing the gun at him but instead.. I was Will.

Garrett slashing the knife in Abigail's neck as I shot him again, again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, AND agAin, And AgAin, AND AGAIN!

I blinked looking down to forget that memory. "𝗦𝗲𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗰𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝗳𝗶𝗹𝗲𝘀, 𝘁𝗵𝗲.. 𝗚𝗶𝗿𝗹𝘀 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝘂𝗽 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘃𝗶𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗺𝘀... 𝗜-," I didn't know how to explain. My brain is having difficulty expressing this scene of guilt.

But I couldn't.

"𝗛𝗼𝘄 𝗱𝗶𝗱 𝘀𝗲𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗠𝗮𝗿𝗿𝗶𝘀𝗮𝗵 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗹? 𝗜𝗻 𝗽𝗮𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝗶𝗻 𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗼𝗽𝘁𝗶𝗺𝘂𝗺," the doctor questioned me.

"𝗔𝘁 𝗳𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗜 𝗹𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝗵𝗮𝗱 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀.. 𝘀𝗲𝗻𝘀𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝗴𝘂𝗶𝗹𝘁 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿 𝗺𝗲," I said.