Hard to Come By

Chapter 7

"We've got to talk about something," you finally speak up after the last class of the day leaves. You close the now fully read Advanced Potions book. Professor Snape is tidying his desk in preparation of grading papers.

The textbook lands with a soft bang on his desk which makes him look at you in disbelief, but you don't falter.

"What do you wish to discuss Miss L/N," he says a little too coolly. You cross your arms, bundling up your cloak a bit as it's gotten a bit cold in the room.

"Do you not trust that I can get work done Professor," you ask him seriously and he doesn't respond. "Because between you and me I think I finished reading that book in pretty good time as well as all the notes."

His jaw clenches at the tone of your voice, you're sure. No one speaks to him like this, at least not those younger than him.

"You know my opinion on note passing in class Miss L/N," he replies flatly.

"I'm not a student." You argue back, holding your ground. "And quite honestly, if I'm going to have you as a mentor, no matter how much I respect you, I need to be advised by someone who I feel comfortable speaking to," you put emphasis on the word comfortable and a shift in his eyes occur, but you don't know how to read it. "A friend perhaps?"

He cringes in the slightest, his lips twist with slight disgust, "I don't have very many friends Miss L/N."

"Nor do I, but don't you think it could benefit the both of us if we get along," you push a bit. He stops speaking for a moment and looks to be thinking. And he must be thinking hard with how the crease between his brows form.

*

You can't just leave things be can you? Friends? You're colleagues and Severus has been trying to treat you as such. Every action he's taken thus far has been to keep you both on the side of professionalism. Short, casual conversations. He hasn't reached out to you unless working hours, for the most part.

What more can you expect from him?

He pinches the bridge of his nose to ease the oncoming stress headache when he hears you speak up.

"Is it really that hard of a decision," you ask, clearly getting frustrated, yourself. You place your hands on your hips, making Severus fight the urge to look at your beautifully accentuated curves.

One thing he's grown to realize is that if you want something, you will fight for it. You're determined to develop a friendship with a grouchy middle age man instead of making friends of your own age.

But Severus' use of Legilimency not so long ago has embedded the idea that your want for friendship may have an ulterior motive. 

"Grade these," Severus picks up the thick stack of papers on his desk and plops them on yours, effectively deflecting.

Your mouth drops open in shock. Good, he thinks.

'You shouldn't like me,' he thinks to himself. And your defiant nature has caused him to build up a barrier between the both of you so you do not get to friendship.

He doesn't trust himself fully around you yet. Nor does he trust you to have a proper handle on whatever infatuation you may have with him.

Maybe if things were different. If he wasn't poison to everyone he cared for. A devil is disguise. Maybe he'd consider a friendship.

For your sake, he can't. And it's absolutely infuriating. His past choices have stuck him where he is today. Teaching insolent little children with no chance for a normal life. Severus' mistakes are too great.