Hard to Come By

Chapter 11

He takes in a deep breath before putting some distance between you, and your heart sinks slightly. "If you need you can stay here until you recuperate." You bite the inside of your cheek and nod, walking slowly over to your desk. "I have some matters to attend to, so I will not be staying," he says in his normal tone. And there it is. That sinking feeling fully hits. Either he regrets it, it sucked for him, or it was completely meaningless.

"Oh. Okay then," you say quietly, trying to hide your disappointment on your face. He turns around and leaves the classroom, making sure to close the door. You sit at your desk for maybe about 30 minutes, trying to process what the fuck is going on. In less that 48 hours, how did we get here?

As cruel as it sounds you didn't think Professor Snape had any desires or carnal urges, let alone be good at it. That also goes for the man you didn't see until last night. Not Professor Snape, but Severus Snape. No masks or guards hiding who he truly is and not a character he has to play.

You have to stop yourself from thinking too hard about it at some point, so you gather your stuff and leave the classroom. You find it best that you don't skip supper tonight; you drop your bags off at your room and head back out to the Great Hall. Your feet trudge along and you feel not only your physical but mental exhaustion.

You lazily push your way through the children who scramble to find their friends. Of course, the last seat available for you is next to Severus who's watching you intently.

You wrap your cloak around yourself to try and hide your outfit from the students like earlier today. You pull out the heavy wooden chair next to Severus and take your seat next to him without saying a word.

You wouldn't say you're necessarily hurt by what transpired after letting him fuck you on his desk but you're confused. He was so insistent on staying away from you, and even though you pressed him, you didn't expect him to give in so quickly. You thought for sure you'd have to persuade him a little.

Once dinner is served you pick at your food, mind too full to eat. You don't engage conversation with anyone, you don't look and wave at students like you usually do. You don't have it in you after today.

You take a couple more bites of food, enough to leave your stomach satisfied, and excuse yourself from the table, leaving for your room.

No one seems to notice your absence which makes for a quick escape.

When you get back to your room, you walk over to the tiny kitchen you were provided and grab a bottle of wine from the refrigerator. You really should stock this place with some food, you've been here long enough. You make a mental note to go to the market this weekend.

You kick off your heels and walk lazily over to the couch, taking a swig from the bottle. It's cold and sweet as it goes down, very easy to drink.

*knock knock*

You roll my eyes and swing your legs off the couch, pushing yourself up, taking another big gulp of wine. No doubt, it's Lockhart at your door again. He seemed to have made a habit of just showing up. You unlock the door and grab the handle and to your utter shock it's Severus.

"Hello," you say, weirdly polite. Your heart races a bit and no amount of wine can ebb the nerves again.

"What are you doing here," you ask him curiously, fingers gripping the neck of the bottle. "I didn't have time after our activities to speak with you," he starts, eyes darting down the hall suspiciously. "Can I come in," he asks me before finally turning his attention back to you.

You step to the side and open the door, "welcome." Your tone is unenthusiastic but you can't really help it. You're not sure how to approach him and most the time he is unreadable.

"Would you like some," you hold the bottle up slightly; the least you can do is be a good host. "In a glass perhaps," the corners of his lips tilt up slightly in a smile. You walk to the cabinet and grab two wine glasses before pouring a generous amount in each, leaving the bottle almost empty.

You extend your hand out and hand him his glass and his finger brushes yours, "thank you." You nod and gesture to the couch in the middle of the sitting area. You claim your spot on the couch and tuck your feet under yourself.

"So you were going to talk to me," you ask him dryly and drink wine. He sits on the couch with you and looks slightly uncomfortable. "Yes," he states plainly and relaxes a bit, "what happened today," he trails off slightly. You bite the inside of your cheek and nod, "yeah can't happen again. Got it." You mumble out the words and continue taking long swigs from the glass, throwing away any ounce of elegance you had earlier this afternoon.

He sighs, exasperated, "no one can find out Y/N. It's highly unprofessional." You scoff and shake your head, "well excuse me," you say with an attitude causing him to look at you with a pointed expression.

"Really? Come the fuck off of it, Severus" you groan out annoyed and suddenly feel the alcohol hit you. Your head spins slightly and the buzz is in full force. "How dare you-," he starts but you cut him off.

"How dare I?" You say loudly, pointing your finger at your chest, leaping up from your reclined position a bit. You laugh as if it's the funniest thing you've ever heard.

"We're past that. And I'm past this," you move your finger between the two of you, quickly, to make your point. You gulp down the last swallow of wine and stand up to head to the kitchen. You stumble a bit, world spinning, and he reaches a hand out of help steady you.

You quickly throw your palm up to fend him off, "Don't. Touch me," you grit out and stomp to the kitchen. He scoffs out loud, "really," he sees you walk over and grab the rest of the wine, swigging from the bottle.

"I should've never gone up the fucking tower," you angrily mumble to yourself, shaking your head.

He sets his wine glass down, standing up rather quick. "No you shouldn't have and as I told you before, we should've forgotten what happened there in the first place. But, no, you little temptress," he spits out the words angrily, "you just couldn't let it be. Could you?"

He stares at you and you have to look away because he's right. You couldn't just let it be. You let your emotions get the best of you and you tempted him. "Could you," he shouts again, expecting you to answer. His fists are clenched in anger.

"No I couldn't," you yell back and now you feel like you want to cry. You majorly fucked up. In the first week of school too. You look him in the eyes now, trying your hardest to not let the tears welling in your eyes fall. "I'm sorry. I don't know what else to say," your voice wavers a bit.

"No one will find out, okay? I won't tell a soul," you promise him.

"Good then," he is much more calm now, his shoulder relax and he looks as he always did. Guarded. Professor Snape once more.

"You can go now," you say. You just want to be alone and go through whatever you are to go through, by yourself.

"8AM sharp," he reminds you before walking out the door and leaving without as much as a sideways glance.