Beneath Shadows and Secrets

♔ 𝕱𝔬𝔯𝔱𝔶 - 𝕿𝔥𝔯𝔢𝔢 ♔

It's not update day but I don't care.
I need a rest from my dissertation so obviously I'm written all day.

♔ 𝔑𝔦𝔯𝔞 ♔

I hate the nerves that bundle in my stomach when Tynan finds me wearing a solemn expression. I had known for weeks that this day was due to come, and I thought I would handle it better. Except the idea of seeing him, after all he has done... I cannot.

I am mortified by how deeply Zaire has affected me. That I fear him and what he plans to do. That the moment I look into his eyes, all I will remember is that they were the last eyes to see Sloan. I cannot.

"They Scered?" I ask Tynan, fidgeting in my seat.

"There's no they. Just Ezekiel." My entire body relaxes as the anxiety unravels its hold on me. Ezekiel I can manage. Ezekiel I can face. "He is headed here now."

I nod, taking Tynan's offered hand to stand and begin our way to the foyer. His hold on me is firm and comforting, like he knows it is exactly what I need right now. As if he stays close to remind me that I am not alone, like how I was for so many weeks locked in the room that Zaire trapped me in. As though he is reminding me that I can trust him to stand beside me with support, and not lie and manipulate like so many have before. That I needn't fret the chance of his betrayal, for it will never happen.

My months here, I had thought I had gotten better. I had thought that I had moved passed the weakness and vulnerability and morphed it into something vicious and vengeful. I had thought the next I saw anyone that wronged me, I would not hesitate to kill them, to make them feel the pain I felt. There was no sympathy or remorse when I split open the Late King of Cracuria with my bare hands, yet I feel as though I will not be so void of emotions if I must commit something similar to Ezekiel.

He was my friend. Or so I had thought. We spent weeks together, laughing and joking. He was the first Fae in Vrodora that treated me with kindness, that protected me against Unseelie and his own Lord. He trained me, and comforted me, and became someone I thought, foolishly, that I could trust. Then he betrayed me, and I thought I could hate him for it.

Where was the strength I had only days ago? Why has it abandoned me when I need it most?

"We'll be with you, this whole time. We've got your back." Tynan promises me, hand rested on the door which is all that separates us from the entranceway.

"I thought Ez did too." I straighten my posture before pushing him aside and moving through the doors.

Calix and Libitina are already waiting, and though I look neither in the eye, I can feel them watching me.

I have not spoken to Libitina since she fed from my blood. She has fared well from it. Though she is not restored to her complete self, she looks brighter and healthier than when I found her on the floor. I know she has been told that she cannot keep herself from feeding any longer, and I doubt it will be very long at all before she is inviting a selection of partners to her bed to satiate her hunger. A necessity, if it is made so much more difficult for her to suppress her need simply from being in my presence.

That is why I do not look at Calix. I am not sure I can, not now knowing how I feel towards him. That I desire him, want him. The last I had felt such an attraction towards another, I had been left scorned by his concept of love. He thought it meant he could steal my choice, lock me away, and keep me as his own forever. I would hope that Calix is not the same, but I do not know that I will ever let myself find out. He has told me he is not a good male, so I should not burden myself with foolish optimistic hope.