Beneath Shadows and Secrets

♔ 𝕱𝔬𝔯𝔱𝔶 - 𝕾𝔢𝔳𝔢𝔫 ♔

It's Wednesday my dudes.
I'm uploading today bc why not? Next will probs be Saturday.

This is a longgggg chapter, so maybe grab a snack and get comfy? Also, you're gonna LOVE me for this one. I want REACTIONS.

♔ 𝔑𝔦𝔯𝔞 ♔

I do not return to the foyer, but I know that Zaire and the others leave not long after I escaped to the safety of my room.

I had expected more from him – I know what he is capable of, more so in anger. Alas, gone without a fuss, and I do not know whether to be comforted or concerned by that fact. I do not think it is because his fury has subsided, but more that it is brewing. Zaire schemes, and I have given him all the ammunition he needs to create his most elaborate yet.

Calix was right. Zaire does nothing without an audience. He will announce whatever lies he has concocted at the Equinox when in before an audience worth their grandeur. I will have to beat him to it. It seems in that regard we are not too dissimilar.

I wait until the carriage leaves before I show myself again. I do not have far to go, for Tynan and Calix already loiter outside of my door. The former has wide eyed, still in a stupor after the events only mere moments ago. He was as shocked as Ezekiel to learn I hid beneath Libitina's skin, and I cannot blame him. I told no one that I was practicing the phenotypical alterations that the Elven powers allow me to manage, and even I can admit that my resemblance of her was uncanny. Had I not spoken, had Zaire not given me away, I could have probably façade as the demon for some time.

Not to Calix. He saw through me immediately.

I have not strained myself with dropping the mask yet, so when Tynan sees me, his eyes ravage me from head to toe. "It's impeccable." He breathes out in something akin to awe. "Even the fall of her hair."

"Do you spend often studying how Libitina's hair falls?" I ask in a frail attempt at humour.

"Obviously you do." Calix comments, and his tone is sour enough for me to know he is not at all amused by the situation. I kept secrets from him, the one thing he asked me not to do. Will he count it as the betrayal I would in his position?

I shrug, wrapping my arms around myself in the hope of meagre comfort. "I have been practicing since I knew he was coming here." Both watch me, waiting for an expansion on my explanation. "I did not know how he would behave; I wanted a time to gauge him. I thought that perhaps if he thought I was not here, he would have left you all alone." I feel pathetic and insecure, more so when I look up to Calix and I am met with a stern expression.

I do not dare ask why he wears it.

"Why did you not kill him?" I had known the question would come, just as it did with Ezekiel. Still, my heart sinks because of it.

I false a stoicism, lifting my chin and straightening my arms. "Because when I kill him, it will be as dignified as the way he killed me. With an audience, when he can no longer fight back. When he is already battered and suffering, and stood before someone who he would never conceive would hurt him in such a way. His death will be the spectacle that he intended mine to be." A beat of silence. His jaw tenses.

"And that is the only reason?" His eyes move over my stature. One that is a fraction taller than it should be, as I mimic Libitina. I am still wearing her face. I was prepared to hide from Zaire right under his nose rather than face him as I promised myself I would.

There is another reason I did not kill Zaire. I am not ready. Seeing him reminded me of the broken, tormented, frail person that he kept locked away, that he betrayed over and over again. That he used and manipulated, and who let him. My cries of desperation ring in my head, all the times I promised to do whatever he wished for freedom. I swore myself to him so I could leave that small room he trapped me in.