Love Hurts (boyxboy)

Chapter 8: Misfire

"What are you doing down there?"

☆

Josh left Neil's office far more confused than when he went in. He was playing. That, Josh most definitely knew. Question upon question fills his thoughts. Does he even know he has a crush him? How does he know? Has he always known? Why is Neil saying these things? What does he want?  But most importantly. What should Josh do about it? He does his best to push it all to one side, but this innocent school crush was beginning to turn into something far more risky.

Things didn't get much better as the week moved into the next. Josh felt like he was losing his mind. It didn't stop with the no glasses comment from Neil, He would randomly drop comments about Josh's appearance, such as complimenting his hair or tie, or rub Josh's arm and say there was a speck on it. Josh was struggling not to read into everything. Justifying each action as platonic or motivational. He ordinarily wouldn't be bothered by it, but because it was coming from a man with whom he had fantasises over, he felt like his mind was playing tricks.

***

It's mid-morning, and Josh is in the kitchen making himself a drink in the horse mug he had not replaced. As the kettle boils, he stares at the white tiled wall in front of him behind the countertop, half taking in the motivational quotes about teamwork and the fire safety notice.

He doesn't hear someone approach from behind, but his cologne gives away who it is. Josh's back feels a shivery tickle down it. He feels paralysed and pretends he is unaware of the presence of the other.

Neil takes another step forward, as he now makes it impossible for Josh to ignore him. He applies his body pressure to the back of Josh, leaning into him like they are two spoons in a drawer. Josh puts his head down, staring at the countertop, and grabs the edges with his hands. Neil slips his right hand under Josh's right arm and places the Dalek mug on the surface next to the existing horse mug. He then moves his hand away and leans towards Josh's right ear.

"You know how I like it." He says before moving away completely, just as the kettle reaches the boil. Josh feels his presence leave him, and he can finally take a breath.

He looks down again at the two mugs. He couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't keep feeling this way. He needed to have it out with him. Neil either needs to leave him alone, or... or... Josh grabs the knot of his tie, tugging at it. It loosens slightly, allowing him to undo the top button of his shirt. He suddenly felt like he couldn't breathe, like his lungs couldn't take in enough air , like his mind had an irrational control over his body.

"Josh? are you ok?" He turns to see a very worried Maria looking at him. "You're making a funny noise."

Josh suddenly becomes aware once again of his physical state, realising that he'd been breathing through his teeth. "I'm fine." Josh tries to make the two drinks, but his coordination is off. He begins to shake. He can hear Maria walking towards him. She touches the back of his shirt.

"You'll be alright." She reassures, as her actions help Josh to calm his breathing. He blows out of his mouth through hollowed checks a few times. "I'll make these." She says.

"Thanks." Josh just stands there in the kitchen, trying to compose himself.

She puts his mug next to him and carries the other one through to Neil, leaving Josh to get himself together before she returns. "You ok now?"

"Yeah, I think so." he smiles, and she heads to leave. "Maria. Thank you."

"Hey, just returing the favour." She says, smiling. Josh smiles back, again with that niggling reminder of that night and whatever she meant by the word favour.