Love Hurts (boyxboy)

Chapter 25: We meet again

"You can't even say his name."

☆

Three weeks pass, and Josh's memories of that night slowly disappear. Another lazy morning is disturbed by the 'ping' of his phone. He sleepily pulls his device from the side table and squints at the bright screen momentarily before reaching for his glasses. He now sits up a little, seeing he has got an email from 'Bright logistics'. He gets out of bed and checks his mail, and opens it to see he has a job interview for a computer programmer. He can't contain his relief of at last getting somewhere and straight away shakes Peter awake.

"Mmm...wh..whahissit?" Peter mumbles into his pillow, not even opening his eyes. 

"I have a job interview." 

This sentence alone makes Peter's sleepy condition suddenly become alert. "What?...for real?" He questions, now sitting up on his elbows. 

"Yes, for real!" Josh says half laughing, shoving his phone in Peter's face. 

Peter just looks at the email, his expression a little unreadable, but the lack of enthusiasm does not go unnoticed by Josh, who pulls his phone back before Peter has time to finish reading all the words. "You could sound just a little bit pleased for me." He complains, looking down at the phone once again, taking in the time and date... Monday, 9am…

"Josh, I've literally just woken up." Peter says, his voice coming across rather irritated. "I'm pleased for you." He adds for good measure, though his enthusiasm is still lacking. 

Josh chucks his phone on the duvet. "I'm doing this for you as well, you know. Do you think I really wanna go back to working in an office after last time?" 

"I don't know...do you?" Peter retorts sarcastically. "Maybe you want some nice hot boss to work under."

"For fucks sake Pete. Not this again. I'm fed up with it. I am not gonna fuck anyone else ok. I'm not gonna fuck Neil fucking Rose." He looks at Peter and calms his voice a little. "I promised you I would never talk about him, but each time, it's you that brings it up." Josh could hear himself say the words. And on paper they were true. He didn't plan on sleeping with anyone else. He hadn't been with another soul since they'd gotten together, but even though Neil wasn't in his bed, he was incesinly on his mind. Deep down, he didn't know exactly who he was trying to convince with his words. Himself, or Peter.

Peter sits up, sighing heavily. "Look...I'm sorry, ok? It's just…"

"What?... It's just what?" Josh looks at Peter's saddened face. 

"I know I'm breaking my own rules bringing up the past, with you and…." Peter can't bring himself to finish the sentence. 

"Peter, you can't even say his name." 

"I have scars Josh …" Peter interjects, suddenly finding the words. "Hansel, my ex. He cheated so many times. First, it was a one night stand, then another, then he had this affair with a woman no less, at his work. I was clueless. I trusted him with my life, Josh, and he broke me." Peter leans forward, taking Josh by the hand. "I know you are not him. You're not even close, but he damaged me. I know I have trust issues, and I'm working on them, I'm trying."

Josh leans forward and takes Peter in a tight embrace. "Why have you never told me this, Pete? You don't have to worry." He says as he stares vacantly over Peter's shoulder, but Josh knows that Peter had good reason.

Peter is the first to pull back. He kisses Josh tenderly on the lips before gazing into his spectacle-covered eyes. I am pleased for you. I promise." 

Josh smiles back... and I'm scared I'm gonna let you down.

***

During the days leading up to the interview, Josh works hard getting his portfolio in order and soon comes the day. Peter walks with him to the entrance of the glass fronted building. 'Bright LOGISTICS' written in striking graphic text was boldly displayed on the facade. 

They both look up at the sheer height of the building. Josh breathes in and blows out of his mouth. Memories of his past flood his mind. His naive optimism, the world at his feet.  Little did he know that his world would come crashing down and bring him to his knees. 

Peter places a reassuring hand on Josh's shoulder. "You ok?"

Josh rests his hand on top of Peter's hand. "I'll be fine...well, here it goes." 

Peter watches as Josh takes a slow walk inside the building. It is more impressive from the inside. Josh takes it all in as he makes his way to the reception desk. "Hello. I'm Joshua Barratt. I'm here for an interview." The sickening sense of deja vu felt all too real. Josh just hoped he didn't see that one familiar face.

The receptionist types some information on a computer. "Ah yes. Please follow me." She gets out from around her desk and leads Josh to a room. 

Inside, there are chairs in rows either side by a wall, a water dispenser, and a low level table with some of the company's material scattered on top. There are a few people waiting inside already with just a few seats free.

Josh scans the room, looking for the best place to sit. That is when he sees a familiar face, but it's not the person he was dreading... it was Stewart. He didn't know how to feel as he stood by the door. Would this be history repeating itself, only this time, with a different cast member? It looked like he hadn't noticed Josh as his eyes were closed, and he was facing straight ahead. Josh becomes a little flustered, suddenly not knowing where to take a seat. There were two vacant spots. One opposite and the other next to Stewart. He didn't know which would be worse. Either seat would be awkward. He realised he was deliberating for a while as some of the other candidates started to look up at him, wondering why he hadn't sat down yet. Josh decides the chair next to Stewart may be a better option and heads over to it. At least here, he could avoid making eye contact.

Josh leans forward and grabs a magazine from the table to keep himself distracted. He can feel his heart beating fast. He wants to think it's because of the up and coming interview but knows deep down it is because of being in such close proximity to Stewart. With his stomach in knots, Josh could feel himself getting sweaty. He reaches for a tissue in his coat pocket. Struggling to find one, he wipes his forehead with the back of his hand. 

Suddenly, a white handkerchief comes into view. Josh takes it, seeing that it is from Stewart. "Here." he says in a nonchalant tone. 

"Thank you." Josh quickly takes the handkerchief and pats his forehead, knowing that the small gesture meant that Stewart had clocked him after all.

The door opens again, causing everyone to look in that direction. A lady walks into the room, just shy of the door. "Stewart Berry?" Josh watches as Stewart gets up from his seat to walk towards the door, passing him on the way. They both catch each other's eye. Stewart gives a sly wink to Josh, causing Josh to feel a surge of flutters inside before the other male disappears out of the room with the lady. 

Josh knew what these feelings were all too well. He also knew he didn't want to feel them. This was Peter's worst nightmare coming true.