i only care about you

i hate her (i absolutely don't)

  i hate her.  i hate everything she does. i hate the way her hair falls perfecty down on her shoulders, i hate the way she makes people laugh. i hate how she's contolling the ball so perfectly and makes it looks easy. i hate the way she talks and i hate the way she smiles. i hate the way how she finds me everytime when we're in the same room. i hate how she is always looking at me when i look at her. i hate the way she looks away just before i can think that she was actually looking for me. i hate the way that she plays me perfect passes and i hate the way how she celebrates with me when i score a goal. i hate keira. i hate absolutely everything about her. 

well the truth is i don't hate her. i love her. i love her hair and her ability to make me laugh. i love her ball control and the way it looks so easy. i love it when she looks at me and that she lets me thik that i have a chance with her. i love it when she passes to me and i love it when she jumps on me after i scored. i love keira. i love absolutely everthing about her. 

but i have no chance. so i tricked myself into hating her. but i want everything except that. i have no choice, she's straight. as far as i know. and if finding that out means i have to risk our friendship isn't it something that i would really want to find out.  

i'm sitting at the first lunch of camp and everyone is just talking bout all sorts of stuff but i just can't help staring at her. she is so pretty, she is wearing a simple hoodie with the man city shorts under it, nothing special but she makes it look like something beautiful. i'm sitting at a table with steph, demi and ellen ''the old ones''. keira is sitting at the table next to us, im on th right side and shes in the opposite on the left side, so it's very easy for me to see her. i can't help myself but stare, she looks back. this time, she doesn't look away. she keeps contact, neither of us wanting the first to look away, but it's me who is forced to because steph asked me something.

when the end of dinner is soon i feel the sudden need to be alone for a second, to think about what happened, to think about keira. 

i excuse myself from the table and go to the toilet. when i arrive i let my body rest against the sink, i turn on the water and let it run for a while, after about 3 minutes the door opens and who is it? ofcourse it's keira who is standing there, a concerned look on her face when she sees me.

K- lucy? you ok?

l- i'm fine, what are you doing here?

k- oh i saw you leave and i was wondering if everything is okay, but if you want me to leave i'll go.

l- oh thanks. please stay.

k- sooo are you okay?

l- yes

k- tell me the truth.

l- wha- how do you know.

k- i just know, now tell me whats up?

l- well uhm i don't rea-

k- wait, we better talk somewhere else than this way to small toilet.

she walks over and turns off the tap, when she reaches for it the back of her hand touches my arm, it was barely but still, it gave me so much butterflies. oh god. i have fallen so hard for her. 

she reaches out her hand for me to come with her to somewhere we can talk, i don't know if she meant for me to grab it but i just do it, i have to talk to her either way.

We get to the physio room, where no one is.

Keira- talk to me, what's up

Lucy- i don't know i just i dont want to-

Keira- hey luce, look at me. It's okay. Take your time.

Lucy- i just can't tell you. I'm sorry.

I get up, shake her hands of mine and run away. I hear her voice in the distance yelling my name, but i ignore her.