Me and Timothèe are complicated. That's the simplest way I can possibly put it. I don't like calling us a situationship when there's barely an us to begin with. I guess that's my fault.
Ever since I met Timothèe at the Dune movie premier I've found him attractive. I know he likes me, there's no question about that. That's not the problem. I'm the issue. I'm just scared. Scared of getting in so deep and getting so attached that when the universe tears us apart I'll feel like I lost a piece of me.
I'm used to being independent and strong. I don't allow men into my life. I simply don't have time for them. I'm a hard worker and I'm very private and to myself. That personality doesn't make for a good relationship.
It doesn't help that Timothèe and I happen to be friends with Zendaya and Tom. I love the two of them to death but they won't stop trying to push us together. They want double dates, and to raise children together but we're still stuck at stage one. The two of them push so hard to get us to kiss each other but little do they know how close we've actually come.
" Please come. It will be fun. Promise" Zendaya pleaded with me. She was once again trying to set me up.
" It will just be the four of us. Me, you, Tom, and Timmy. We'll just grab dinner and go on a walk through that garden that's by Timmy's place" she begged. " It'll be good for us to get out"
" Okay fine. I guess I'll text him and tell him we're going out tonight" I groaned reluctantly pulling out my phone. I love hanging out with Timothèe but it just hurts so much. Wanting someone so badly.
"Yess" She cheered gloating that she won. As usual.
******
" She wants us to stroll through a garden" I laughed. The minute I had got back to my apartment I hopped on the phone with Timothèe and gave him all the details.
" No way. What are the chances her and Tom ditch us and leave us 'accidentally' in a rose patch?" He said now laughing along. It's easy for us to joke about this stuff.
" I would put money on it." I said.
" Sooo is this like a date or?" His voice trailed off on the other end. Every time we go out the four of us he asks the same question. I usually tell him no or dance around the question. But today I decide to answer.
" It can be whatever you want it to be" I said so quietly I wasn't sure if he would be able to hear.
" Really? I think you know what I want it to be" he said slyly.
" Okay mr Chalamet than that's what it is"
******
" This sushi is amazing" Tom breathed. " why have we never been here before?" He asked popping on there roll into his mouth.
" You two look nice tonight. Your wearing coordinating colours! Was that planned?" Zendaya poked.
" We're just wearing black. That's hardly considered coordinating" I sighed wishing I could get out of this stuffy booth.
" So Timothèe how's Lily?" Tom asked. Confusion appeared on Zendaya and my faces immediately. I'm sure she had never pictured Timmy with anyone other than me. I can't say I didn't think the same. But if he has a girlfriend why was he flirting with me over the phone earlier. Timothèe hesitated before answering.
" I" he cleared his throat awkwardly. " I broke up with her." He said not looking up long enough to make the much needed eye contact.
" What the hell? Why? You dumped Johnny Depps daughter. Wow man" he said amused. " Seriously though why?"
" Just didn't feel right" he shrugged awkwardly. Clearly he didn't want to talk about it. " we were only together a week. Biggest mistake I've made in a long time." He sighed as if pissed off at himself. " she didn't deserve that"
" she didn't deserve what?" Zendaya asked seeking clarification.
" There was nothing wrong with her. I just can't like her in that way. I knew going into it that my heart was somewhere else and I did it anyway. So that's what I mean when I say she didn't deserve that. I really think she deserves someone great but that just isn't me" he said. I'm impressed at his maturity. But I want to know where his heart is. Apparently someone has it. I already know that someone is me.
" It's late. Maybe we just skip the walk and head home" Tom yawned.
" Agreed" I said.
Zendaya payed and we all headed outside. A car came and picked up Tom and Zendaya leaving just me and Timmy alone.
" I'm still unpacking moving boxes at my place. Want to come over. I have wine" he smiled at me.
" sure. Why not" I said climbing in his car.
******
" I don't actually have any boxes" he admitted when we reached the door to his home.
" I know you don't." I said.
" I just wanted to hangout." He said it so casually.
" I was promised wine" I laughed following him into the kitchen.
" that you were" he said pouring me a glass and handing it to me.
We stood there in silence. I sipped my wine and so did he from a glass of his own. We were maintaining eye contact. Without saying a word.
A few months ago he probably would have tried to kiss me right now. He's been rejected so many time I guess he's letting me make the first move.
I don't make one.
Should I?
No.
The eye contact hes making is poking small holes in my heart. He knows I want him and that's what makes this so hard.
I take a steep in his direction. Slowly and carefully. He waits patiently for me until I'm pressed against him.
" Fey"he whispers in my ear. I know he didn't mean it seductively but I would being lying if I said it didn't have that effect on me.
I let my gaze land on his lips and stay there. I titled my head ever so slightly and leaned in a little but not all the way. Just enough out foreheads are touching and out breathing is rapid.
Maybe I'm doing this because I'm jealous of lily. Or maybe I'm just sick of saying no to him.
I close the gap between us connecting our lips. He kissed me so hard s stumble a little.
He must be afraid ti place a hand in me because of me previous reactions but this time I want it.
" touch me" I whisper. He smiles a little into the kiss as he snakes his hands around lower part of my back.
The kiss deepens and I allow his tongue into my mouth. I'm allowing him to do what he wants.
My hands eventually find his hair and I tug on it a little causing him to groan. In a good way.
" Fuck Fey" he breathed when we finally parted. His hands were still on me.
" I'm sick of being confused. Please just be with me. Please" I sigh
" It's going to hurt at some point" he warns.
" I know and I don't care. Just be with me" I beg
He leans in and kisses me again answering my question.
