Tough Love

Chapter Nine

Chapter Nine

I don't know how long it's been since I spoke to Eli. I'm still laying on the bathroom floor, my eyes puffy from crying and my head is pounding. My sobs have now subsided, but I'm angry at myself. I let my guard down; I told him something I shouldn't have. I can't believe I did that. When Eli is involved he seems to break down my walls just a little bit. I don't even know if he realises what he's doing, but he's worming his way into my life and if I'm totally honest, my heart too. It's a strange feeling really. Thinking about him terrifies me, but the thought of him also brings a tiny smile to my lips. Then I remember who I am and what I've been through. No one in their right mind would give me the time of day, which brings me back to the reality that something is wrong with this situation. He's too good; too perfect. He's too nice to me and that must mean it's a set up.

My phone ringing brings me out of my own head space. It's gotta be Eli again. He's been alternating between my house phone and my cell. He's left a number of messages on my machine, but I can't bring myself to get up off the bathroom floor to listen to them. My body aches, my head aches, and my heart aches. This causes me to choke back another sob. I need to pick up the phone. I need to know if I've made him angry so I'll know to avoid him more carefully when he gets back. I just can't force myself to press that little green button. I don't want to know that he's angry. I don't want to ruin my view of him, my dream view I guess. I don't want reality to hit me even harder than it already has.

After another 20 minutes or so, I pick myself up off the floor and trudge to the shower. I turn the water as hot as I can stand it to try to work out the knots and kinks in my body. As I do this, I realise just how broken I am and the thought hits me like a freight train. It almost knocks the breath right out of me. I guess I get so caught up in making it through each day, that I don't take stock of my life and what my future will be. I am embarrassed by myself and how stupid I actually am. I'm stuck in the past. I can't get through that and it's going to mess up my future. The only way I can convey it is, it's a bit like I'm stuck in a dark, cold room on my own. I don't know where to go or how to get out of there, but every time I try to take a step, a thick substance stops me from moving and sucks me back to where I started. I just feel..... stuck.

I manage to pull myself together and get through my shower. I get dressed and go to the kitchen to grab some tea to try to relax myself a bit. I pick up Eli's messages. They are all variations of him asking me if I'm ok and if I could please ring him to just let him know I'm alright. He sounds really worried and before I can second guess myself, I grab the phone and dial his number.

He doesn't even say hello. The first word that I hear is, “Dani?”

“Yes sir?”

“Oh, thank goodness! I thought something had happened to you. Are you ok?”

“Yes sir. I'm sorry for hanging up...”

“It's ok. I was just worried out of my mind. Did I upset you?”

“No sir. I'm ok.”

“Sure? I'm trying to get home earlier than planned...”

“You don't need to do that, sir...”

“I want to. I want to be at home. I miss home, I miss my family and I miss you... I'll let you know if I can get away early, ok?”

“Yes sir.”

There was a knock on my front door and I held my breath for a brief moment. Eli heard it and asked, “Dani? Everything ok? I heard your breath hitch.”

“My door...”

“Go see who it is. I'll stay on the line. Don't open it if you don't know who it is.”