Tough Love

Epilogue

Epilogue

Dani's P.O.V.

It's been ten years since the night Eli and I took our vows. Life has been mostly the same; a mixture of cases, family and friends. There have been some changes to our lives though. We lost Scar a few years ago, just after Christmas. He served his country well and then he served us well. He died peacefully in my arms at our house. He was my little shadow and he gave me courage and confidence whenever he was around. Losing him nearly broke my heart and I couldn't even face the thought of not seeing him or having him follow me everywhere. Even now, the pain is still there. It has become more manageable, but I still feel a huge loss. His passing was terribly sad for the whole family. We had a ceremony for him and Eli had his ashes made into a diamond necklace for me. That necklace stays on me constantly. I never, ever take it off.

Maria and John have had three more children since our wedding. The twins, Joel and Josh were born ten months later and little Rose was born just a few months ago. I see the way Eli looks at the children when he doesn't know I'm there. I know he longs for his own family, but that is something I'll never be able to give him. He doesn't mention it and I know it's because he doesn't want to upset me. It's out of my control; I know that and I have tried to accept that. In fact, I have accepted it. What I haven't accepted is the hurt it causes Eli. It's not his fault and I desperately want to make him happy. I did consider adoption, and I discussed with Eli, but we both feel it isn't the right time for a commitment like that. His job is dangerous, let's be honest about that. I don't want to give up work at the precinct and I don't even think I would manage to stay at home with a child, let alone know what to do. For now, we've decided to put that on the back burner.

We've just re-homed two retired police dogs though, so the house isn't as empty as it used to be. It took us a couple of years to be able to think about having another dog and then two fell into our lap. Oscar and Buddy aren't Scar, but it was never our intention to replace him. They are different, but they are both beautiful and well behaved animals.

Arrow eventually joined Eli's team. It took some persuading but he decided to join the team about two years ago. I think he realized how much he was missing out on because he was away on surveillance a lot the few years before he joined. I think that was the deciding factor really. Ash and Arrow still spend most evenings at our house and I have grown very close to them. They have been like big brothers to me; taking care of me and helping me.

Life seemed almost too good to be true for a year or so. Then we got the news that Paul was being released from prison. I think everyone thought I would have a melt down over it, but honestly, I'm a different person to the girl I was back then. I mean, I don't want to see him or anything, don't get me wrong. However, as long as he stays away from me then I have no reason to even think about him. He has no influence on my life anymore; as long as he doesn't try to hurt me. I know that Eli and the team would never let that happen though. They've all taken on an extremely protective roll over me, especially since I became Eli's wife. I don't think I'll ever get used to hearing or saying that.

I haven't heard my poppa's voice in a few years now. I miss my parents terribly, but I know that they were there for me when I needed them. I'll never not need them, but I'm managing much better now. I guess my poppa knows I can cope without having to hear him guide me every step of the way. Connie and Don have been pretty great, trying to be my parents without trying to replace my real parents. I have been blessed with wonderful people surrounding me and I've come to realize this more and more as the years have passed.

I still see Sam, but usually only once a month now, unless something is particularly hounding me. We've managed to get to a place where I am at a lower level of medication. I'm not off the drugs completely and my dose is slightly higher than the usual recommendation, but Sam is happy for it to stay at that level because that's what I can function on. We tried to drop the dose even lower, but I started to revert back to my panicking behavior and it wasn't something I could control either. The chemical reactions in my body wouldn't allow me to take control of them and I was so distressed at my huge leap backwards that Sam decided to increase the dose again. It's not something I like or want, but it's necessary for now.