Tough Love

Chapter Sixty-Nine

Chapter Sixty-Nine

Eli

Ash doesn't talk on the way to his house, which I'm thankful for. I don't know if I can keep up with small talk. He throws me some sweats and tells me to get in the shower because I stink. While I'm in the shower, I allow my body to release some of the tension it's been carrying. I turn the water as hot as I can take it and allow it to almost burn my skin. I also let myself cry, just because I don't know how else to release the grief that's built up inside of me. I'm scared, I'll freely admit that. The possibility of losing Dani is very real right now and I don't know how to cope with that thought. I stay under the water until it turns cold. The shock of the cold water on my body brings me out of my thoughts so I get out and get dressed.

Ash's training t-shirt is a little bit small for me, but it'll do. The fit of clothes really doesn't seem important right now. I can smell food as I step out of the bathroom and my stomach growls loudly. I don't know how I didn't notice it before, but it now feels like my insides are eating themselves up because I'm so hungry.

“That's better. You don't smell so putrid now. I ordered in. Sit down and eat.”

He hands me a full plate, a fork and a beer as he turns to get his own food.

“So, what's going on in your head?”

“I don't even know right now.”

“How you holding up? I know it can't be easy on you.”

I scoff, “That's an understatement. I'm sorry I've been such a jerk. I really shouldn't take it out on any of you.”

“No, you shouldn't. But I'm sure you don't know where to place all the emotions you're feeling. I imagine you don't even know where your butt is right now...”

I smile a little at that and look behind me, just to try to lighten the mood. “Yep, it's still there.”

“Good, because it's a mighty fine rear, if I may be permitted to say so...”

I chuckle, the dude is actually nuts.

“There we go, he's returning slightly. I know you don't think it's proper to laugh or be normal, but that's what Dani would want you to do. She wouldn't want you to mope about and go out of your mind with worry.”

“I know, but it's so hard not to worry. I mean, we could lose her. I could lose her...”

“But we're not going to think about that right now. What we need to do is get to finding these scumbags and lock them up. I told the team we didn't know when you'd be back, but I think you need to get back to work. I know you want to spend all of your time by Dani's side, but that's going to drive you crazy. As your best friend I have to tell you that you need to focus on something else as well. As your team member, I'm telling you that I need you to come back and help me. Sure, I can lead the team for a few days, but there's a reason you're our CO. You're better at it than me. I will only ever say that once, so remember it well.”

I shoot him a smile and put some more food in my mouth. “I need to speak to the Cap. I don't know if I can focus on missions right now...”

He shoots me a look and chuckles, “You're the king of focusing, Eli. You can get in the zone no matter what. Just don't let your mind drive you crazy. There's no going back once you allow that box to open.”

I nod, knowing exactly what he means. If I open that box , then I'm risking all of my army memories surfacing again. Those are things I don't really think about and we don't really discuss them. On a completely unrelated note, I try to change the subject, “Do you think she has any thoughts right now? Or is it just darkness for her?”