"I need space." Those were the words Jacky said to Ryan the night before they both left for separate colleges. Now, each of them will try to learn who they are without the other. Will their paths lead them back together?
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The Boston Aquarium was underwhelming.
"I used to come here all the time as a kid, on field trips and stuff," Charlie said as Ryan walked with them around the big circular tank in the middle. They paused to watch a small shark cruise by, uninterested in the schools of silver fish or the diver swimming around. "Like, all of this felt so big. It took hours to walk up this ramp."
It had taken them only twenty minutes to go up.
"You probably stopped more," Ryan said. "Look at all these little kids just staring."
"I spent a lot of time with the penguins, too." Charlie peeked over the railing that overlooked the penguin enclosure. Ryan watched a penguin on a rock wiggle its tail then dive into the blue water.
Suddenly Charlie turned around, and Ryan glanced over his shoulder to see Charlie holding up their phone in selfie mode to capture both of them with the penguin tank in the background. "Smile," Charlie instructed, and Ryan obliged. He watched Charlie tap on the phone screen, then returned to watching the penguins while they posted the pic to Instagram.
"There weren't any big aquariums near where I grew up," Ryan said. "Just a little one up by Niagara Falls, but even when I was a kid it felt small."
"You're from upstate New York, right?"
"Yeah. But there was a science museum my mom took me to a lot, before she got sick. It had an OMNI theater." Ryan instantly wanted to take the words back. He didn't want Charlie to pity him, but where was the line between sharing his past with a new friend, and playing the victim on a first date?
He hoped it was a date, for all the anxiety it was causing him, all the questioning of his sexuality. Was he still gay if he liked someone who was nonbinary? Or did that make him bi, or pan?
"Is your mom still sick, or...?" Charlie trailed off awkwardly.
"She passed away a couple years ago." Ryan blinked his eyes dry. "She had terminal cancer, so I knew it was coming for a long time."
"Still, that sucks."
Ryan shrugged, pushing away from the penguins. He needed to move. "Then I lived at the group home with Pete. We have a kind of Dead Parents Society going on." It was a terrible joke, and a private one between Pete and him.
"Oh, that's why I've heard you mention a group home," Charlie said softly. Then, "Is that why you want to be a doctor?"
"Yeah." Ryan latched onto the change of subject and veered toward the dark jellyfish rooms, where the creatures floated in tanks under colorful blacklights. "What made you choose your major? You're biochem, right?"
"I'm a bit of a true crime buff." Charlie's voice remained soft. "My plan is to go into forensics."
"You're going to hunt down murderers?" Ryan couldn't quite picture it. Charlie had such a gentle nature.
Charlie shrugged. "Not directly. But yes, on the evidence side of things. Or I could go work for 23 and Me or something. Or go into medical. I have lots of options if the crime lab isn't all I dreamed it would be. Did you know they caught the Golden State Killer using DNA mapping from 23 and Me?"
Ryan listened while Charlie rambled on about their favorite crime shows, but he spent most of the time watching Charlie's face in the soft-hued glow from the tanks. He couldn't quite decide if he was ready to date again. To kiss anyone again. The idea of falling in love with someone only to have it end again made his chest hurt.
I just need some breathing room...
Ryan sucked in a breath. Even as Jacky had said those words, Ryan hadn't had a clue that Jacky wanted to break up. He thought Jacky just wanted to take a break. College would have been the perfect time for that.
"Are you okay?" Charlie asked.
Ryan shook his head to clear it of all thoughts of Jacky. "Yeah, I'm fine." He realized they had walked all the way around the entire aquarium building. Pointing at the next door, he asked, "Wanna check out the tide pool?"
An hour later and smelling like briny water, they left the starfish and sea urchins to the little kids and entered the gift shop. Ryan bought a little stuffed penguin for Monica since that was her favorite animal, then they headed out.
Confronted by the sounds of the city, they had to talk louder to keep the conversation going, over jackhammers excavating the sidewalk and taxis honking in traffic. Charlie seemed to know where they were going and Ryan followed until Charlie stopped and asked, "You hungry?"
He was starving, but the aquarium had been expensive, even with the student discount. "Um...."
"It's okay, we can just head home."
Charlie tried to hide it, but Ryan could hear the disappointment in their voice. He didn't want to be responsible for Charlie to slip into self-loathing again. "No, I am hungry. Maybe we could do one of the campus restaurants so I could use my meal plan?"
"Oh. Sure."
"I don't get a lot of money from my work study and most of that goes to groceries," Ryan tried to explain. "The city is so expensive. I didn't count on all the extra things I have to pay for."
Charlie stopped and put a hand on Ryan's arm, then looked up at him. "Ryan. I get it. I know what it's like to be a poor college student without parents to give me money whenever I run low."
"Thanks," Ryan said, relaxing a little, but now realizing that Charlie had avoided talking about their parents this entire day. "So your relationship with your parents isn't great, I take it?"
"That's putting it mildly. My parents think this is all just a phase. My mom freaked when I cut my hair. My dad refused to pay anything for college if I applied for a gender-neutral dorm, because I might end up with a guy. So I went through my freshman year in a women's dorm, which was just... ick. I hated it. Which led to a lot of fights with my parents when I told them I was going to live off campus this year with Zac and Tatum." Charlie sighed. "I basically told them I wasn't coming home until the semester was over. My mom calls me crying about how I need to come home for Thanksgiving, and then my dad calls and yells at me for making my mother cry..."
"What will you do on Thanksgiving, then?" Ryan asked.
"I don't know. The Rainbow House does a big Thanksgiving thing. Have you heard of Rainbow House? They have good parties and mixers and stuff. I applied for housing there but it's pretty competitive."
"Oh, that's cool." Ryan had only just realized that he had no plans for Thanksgiving.
Charlie seemed to read his mind. "Don't worry, there will be something for Thanksgiving here. Someone might invite you home with them or something. Or someone will host a Friendsgiving."
Ryan nodded, but realized he might ask Monica if he could stay with her over the Thanksgiving holiday, since she'd be driving back to New York, too. Her mother was a great cook, even if she was a little controlling.
And maybe he would see Jacky while he was home.
He shook his head. He needed to let that go. "Yeah, you're right. Anyway, it's barely October. No need to start worrying about Thanksgiving now."
But now he was thinking about Columbus Day weekend, and the plans he'd once had with Jacky. What would happen if they saw each other? Would that connection still be there, waiting to be picked up again, undeniable once they could reach out and touch each other?
