An American at Hogwarts

The Most Annoying Man in the World

"Where the hell were you man?" I said, running up to Harry. He was covered in soot and dust, and his glasses were cracked.

"Kn...Knockturn Alley..."

George and Fred perked up at that. "Sweet! We've never been allowed anywhere near there!"

"And with good reason!" Said Mrs. Weasley with a huff, as she magically fixed Harry's glasses and cleaned him up. "That place is horribly dangerous! Nothing too bad happened, I hope?"

Harry shook his head. "No, I came out in some shop, Malfoy and his dad were there."

Mr. Weasley's eyes went wide. "Wait, Lucius was there? Was he buying or selling?"

"Uh... selling, I think. Said something about having things he didn't want the ministry knowing about."

"Brilliant! Oh, how I'd LOVE to get him on something..."

Mrs. Weasley sighed. "Be careful Arthur. He's a dangerous man..."

"Are you saying I can't take him?"

"No, of course not dear, just saying you ought to be careful."

I turned back to Marie. "Lucius was the one who was a Death Eater, right?"

She nodded. "Yeah. My dad says he basically bought himself out of the charges after the war. Absolutely hates him, but can't really do anything against him with the Ministry protecting him."

"That checks out. Ministry seems more and more incompetent by the day if you ask me."

Marie nodded. "Don't ask my dad about that, he'll talk your ears off about his complaints. Last time I brought it up he went on for like two hours."

I smirked. "I'll try to remember that. Come on, lets go get our stuff."

We went back over to the group and went off to get our supplies. Most of the shopping went fine. I bought most of Ginny's stuff for her to help her family out a bit, against Mrs. Weasley's staunch objections, and got some fancy Quidditch gear for myself since I was intent on trying out for the team this year. Finally, we came to our last shop, Flourish and Blotts. Outside the door was a sign.

Gilderoy Lockhart, Signing His New Book "Magical Me" Today! Only Twenty Galleons!

Marie let out a loud groan. "Ugh, not him. Why did it have to be him?"

"What?!?" Exclaimed Hermione, astonished. "He's amazing! Just look at all the things he's done! All those books he's written!"

"All the things he says he's done. There's a noticeable lack of supporting documentation for him being involved in any of it. My dad went to that village in Africa he claimed to have saved from vampires once and they didn't even recognize his name! He's blatantly a fraud..."

Hermione sputtered slightly. "We... Well..."

Marie sighed. "Look, believe what you want, but I'm telling you. He's a complete fraud. Don't buy into his nonsense. The only thing he's got going for him is his charisma."

Hermione huffed slightly and pushed past us into the building. She could be quite stubborn at times, but this was a new level of stubbornness. We reluctantly followed her in, and pushed through a crowd of obnoxiously excited wizards and witches, all jumping up and down hoping to get a sight of Lockhart. He was standing behind a table at the far end of the room, rambling on about one of his supposed adventures. His voice was about as annoying and haughty as you would expect, and I could feel my ears begin to ring the longer I listened to him.

"And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how I defeated the Bath Banshee! Terribly dangerous one, that, but no match for me of course!"

Almost everyone in the store began to clap, including, to our disappointment, Hermione, who seemed utterly enraptured with the man. His eyes passed over us before quickly flicking back to Harry.

"Why that can't be... Harry Potter! Come up here, my boy!"

Before Harry could decline, he was pushed to the front by a couple of Lockhart's assistants, where the man himself grabbed him by the shoulder and pulled him to his side.

"Together, my boy, we are certainly worth the front page!" Exclaimed Lockhart as cameras flashed rapidly.

"Now is as good a time as any, I believe! When Harry walked in here today, he was simply searching for my new book, Magical Me, which he will of course be getting for free alongside my entire catalogue! But what he did not know is that he, and indeed all of Hogwarts, will be getting the real magical me! Yes, I am proud to announce that I have accepted the position of Defense Against the Dark Arts professor! It is my belief that it is my duty, as someone as accomplished as myself, to give back to the youth of the world, and taking this job is but one small part of that duty! Don't you fear, my dear readers, I will still be writing..." He trailed off into another speech as Harry was quickly ushered back to us, a tall stack of books in his arms. We quickly left, even Hermione a bit concerned with what had just happened, albeit still obviously excited that Lockhart would be teaching this year. As we left the store, we heard a familiar drawling voice.

"Well well well... famous Harry Potter! Can't even buy some books for school without getting attention, hm? I bet you loved that Potter, didn't you?"

Ginny went red with anger. "He didn't want any of that, Malfoy! Leave him alone!"

"Oh boy! Potter has a girlfriend, huh? You and L/N are real ladies men, aren't you?"

I sighed and drew my wand. "Back off, Malfoy. You remember what I told you last year?"

I could have sworn that I saw a flash of fear in his eyes, but it dissipated as a man who looked like an older version of himself, disgusting oily hair and all, approached.

"Ah... L/N, correct? I do hope you were not just threatening my son..."

I glared at him. "He was asking for it. Lucius, I presume?"

Lucius Malfoy gave me a glare that, I will be honest, scared me a bit. "You would be correct. I have... heard much of you."

"Then you know I don't bluff. You'd better tell your son here to back off a bit."

He put his hand on his cane, as if he was about to whack me with it. "Or?"

Thankfully, I was saved from having to fight a man twice my size when Arthur Weasley approached. "Lucius."

"Of course you would be involved with these two. Are you sure you can afford everything for this year, Weasley? I would so hate to see one of your... spawn not be able to attend Hogwarts because you cannot buy their supplies. Of course, maybe it would be a good thing. You do not exactly do things that benefit the good name of wizards."

"We have a very different definition of what disgraces the names of wizards, Lucius."

"Oh, like carting a mudblood girl around?"

With that, Arthur had enough, and he launched himself at Lucius, knocking Ginny's supplies over in the process. They tumbled around for a while before Mrs. Weasley and some others were able to separate them. Lucius, to my delight, wiped a bit of blood off his lip as he tossed Ginny her tattered old transfiguration textbook. "Come on, Draco. We should be going."

With that, he left, but not before glaring at me once more, which, once again, scared me quite a bit. I could take Draco, but his dad, a former Death Eater? No way. No way in hell could I take him...