An American at Hogwarts

Pesky Pixies

Me and Marie (very reluctantly) made our way to Lockhart's class. The other students, at least most of them, were profoundly excited. Insufferably so. I couldn't even begin to understand why they couldn't see through him. The DADA classroom had been... redecorated. The walls were absolutely covered in portraits of Lockhart. The way he started class didn't make things any better.

"Well! Welcome, all of you! I am, of course, the renowned Gilderoy Lockhart! Five time winner of best smile, award winning author, and adventuring hero!"

I stared at Marie, my mouth agape. "How did he manage to get worse?"

Lockhart waffled on about his supposed accomplishments for several minutes. I tuned out most of it, fiddling with a bit of spellotape wrapped around my finger instead.

"That's enough about me, though! I believe we ought to start out with a quick quiz, to test how much you have read of the assigned books!"

He walked around, handing out a large sheet of parchment. As I unrolled mine and looked it over, my jaw dropped once more. Every single question, all 56 of them, was about Lockhart himself.

"Uh, is this the right parchment?" I asked, utterly befuddled. Even he couldn't be this insufferably self absorbed, right?

"Of course it is! L/N, correct?"

I nodded, still confused.

"I've heard good things about you! One of the most talented young wizards in years, I hear!"

I simply nodded. I didn't exactly enjoy Lockhart of all people praising me. He'd probably think the  average first year was talented compared to him. I scowled and turned back to the "quiz". I just jotted down something random for each question. It's not like I knew any of the answers, even with the books of his that I did read, I made a concerted effort to ignore the parts about himself. They gave me a headache if I read them for too long. After about twenty minutes or so, he came around and collected the quizzes. He looked through them quickly.

"Wonderful, Miss Granger! You got all the questions correct! Even the one about my greatest dream! Ten points to Gryffindor!"

Hermione blushed as I let out a sigh. Her respect for him was really starting to get on my nerves.

"Tsk tsk, you only got five right, Y/N! I expected better of you!"

I simply stared at him with a blank expression. I was surprised I got any right, to be honest. I literally put down whatever popped into my head first for every question. Lockhart must just be very predictable.

"Anyways! I think I ought to give you all a bit of a challenge today!" Said Lockhart, making his way over to a cage covered with a dark blanket.

"In this cage are some of the most fearsome creatures in Britain! Some of the most terrifying beings I have ever encountered! Steel yourselves students, for you are about to deal with absolutely horrifying beasts! Behold! Freshly caught Cornish Pixies!"

I, along with a decent chunk of the class, burst out into laughter as he ripped off the blanket, surely now he had to be joking. Pixies? They're mildly annoying at worst! Neville raised his hand.

"Cornish Pixies?"

Lockhart nodded, seemingly a bit confused by our reaction. "Yes Mr. Longbottom?"

"Well... they aren't exactly scary, are they?"

Lockhart smiled. "They may not seem so! But I assure you, they can be quite formidable! Let's see what you make of them!"

With that, he opened the door of the cage, and a dozen or so pixies flew out, quickly flying over to our tables and harassing us. I quickly cast a shield spell over myself, as did Marie. The rest of the class had a bit more trouble.

"Have no fear, children! I shall deal with this!"

Lockhart raised his wand in the air.

Peskipiksy Pesternomi!

Nothing happened. Worse yet, one of the pixies grabbed his wand and threw it out the window. His eyes went wide, and, with most of the class following, he made a mad dash to the door, leaving just me, Marie, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Neville (who was currently dangling from a chandelier) to clean up the mess.

I groaned as he slammed the door. "Seriously? And he's supposed to be the teacher?"

Hermione glared at me. "Just help us fix this!"

I sighed and raised my wand in the direction of the pixies.

Immobilus!

The majority of the pixies froze in midair, and we made short work of them, getting them back into the cage quickly. Hermione and Marie got Neville down, and we gathered our books and let the other students know we had cleaned it up. Lockhart, of course, was long gone.

I continued complaining as we left the room. "That wasn't so hard, was it? Is he really not even capable of that."

Hermione huffed in response. "He was just trying to give us some experience!"

"Oh come on! He's completely useless!" Said Ron, flabbergasted that Hermione was still defending him.

I nodded in agreement. "He's right, Hermione. I don't think that was even a real spell, the one he tried to use. If it was real, he was terrible at it. He has no clue what the hell he is doing."

Hermione simply glared at me once more. But she seemed a bit unsure of herself this time. Maybe I was making progress with her. I sure hoped so. We headed down to dinner, and I began talking to Harry.

"So when are the quidditch tryouts? I want to go for a spot this year. Do you know if there's any openings?"

"I think there's an open spot for a Chaser. Katie said she wouldn't be able to play this year. I don't know when the tryouts are yet, though. You'll have to ask Wood. I'm sure he's already got that all planned out."

My face lit up. "Brilliant! You think I have a shot? I've never played properly before."

"I sure hope so! You're good on a broom, I don't see any reason why you wouldn't have a good chance at making it."

I smiled a bit at that. That meant a lot coming from Harry. I was still a bit upset about what had happened in Lockhart's class, but I pushed that to the back of my mind. It was time to start preparing for the tryout.