Choosing you

Chapter 5

I struggled trying to find something to say under the weight of everything. I felt the pressure of needing to fill the silence, I gathered my thoughts and finally found the right words.

"I'm sorry, I didn't write back or call." I whispered, his body tensed underneath me then he relaxed again. "It was easier to believe that you hated me and wanted nothing to do with me."

"Well, that was far from the truth." He scoffed. "You know I asked about you?" He said as he lifted his head to look at me, I gave him a nod. "I even called a few times, but the lady who answered would ask who I was calling for and I would freeze." He snorted.

I felt sadness course through me at his confession. "Wait... You called me?" I asked raising my head to look at him.

"Yeah, a couple times before I eventually stopped calling. I relied on Chrissy after that to find out how you were doing." He said, I buried my face back in his chest. Feeling overwhelmed I held him tighter.

He called me. He called me and I never knew about it until now.

It wasn't until he spoke again that I realized tears were rolling down my cheeks dampening his skin. "Are you crying?"

"No." I sniffled shaking my head.

"Maddy." His finger hooked under my chin to pull my head up, his face softened while he wiped the tears away. "Did I do something?"

"No. I just. I'm sorry." I laughed hating how ridiculous I looked right now. I hated that in my own selfishness I missed the chance to talk to him. I chose to believe something that was so far from the truth because of my own pain.. I never once stopped to think of his.

"Can I ask you something?" He asked and I nodded. He took a deep breath, my body rising and falling with his deep exhale. "Why didn't you write the truth?"

This was the question I was hoping he wouldn't ask.. Why did I write a lie?

"The truth was to hard.. I probably rewrote and rewrote the ending at least a dozen times. But that ending didn't feel like the right one." I whispered. "It was to final, like if I wrote it that way and put it out then I would have to accept that as the true end." I sighed and took a deep breath. "And nothing about us felt over."

I waited in silence for his response, listening to his heart pound in his chest. "When I saw that you published that book I refused to read it, because I figured that you made me out to be the bad guy.." He finally said, his voice low and full of emotion.

"I was struggling with my sobriety, I was drinking every day from the moment I woke up to when I'd finally pass out somewhere. Then I read it and after I did everything changed." I couldn't help but cry from his words, I hate that he struggled as badly as he did. And deep down I know it was my fault, I walked away, I pushed him away, I made him him feel unwanted by me. 

"Don't cry." He pleaded. He gently wiped my cheek clean of my tears. "The ending is why I'm here. It gave me a sliver of hope. I pushed myself to stay sober so I could come back to you a better man. Apart of me always knew we'd find our way back to each other."

"I love you so much." I buried my face in his chest, and his arms wrapped tightly around my body.

"I love you too, sweetheart." He squeezed me closer to him. A yawn escaped my lips as much as I tried to fight it, exhaustion was beginning to take over. "Go to sleep baby." He whispered against my hair.

"Night, Eds." I muttered.

I finally closed my eyes and gave in, sleep took over and for the first time in six years I didn't struggle falling asleep.