The Recital of Terrance Reed

Chapter Five

When I first realized that I liked boys, I rushed home--scared of everything I had just learned. I felt lost all my life, and then all the pieces connected. The first thing I did when I entered my room. I went straight to my laptop and opened the browser. I smashed the keyboard, typing;

AM I GAY?

At this point, I thought I was going mental because everything that popped up was tests and websites to tell you if you're not or if you are. It was not ideal because I knew I liked this boy. But for some reason, I did every test and every website to see if I was. Some said I was straight, and others said I was 68% gay, which was not helpful. I kept doing different quizzes and went to various sites to see different results, but none worked until I found another source-gay porn. And boy, it was probably life-changing for me. At first, I was opposed because I heard porn can be addictive and unrealistic. But then, when I saw how they fucked and how the men were moaning, it made me realize...

I did like men. Like a lot.

I started watching porn every day before and after school, which wasn't the best idea, but I liked it. I masturbated too many times to count. However, I did slow down when I realized my parents had found out and scolded me that watching too much was wrong. I wished I had listened to them.

And now, well, I was standing outside the school and having my dick sucked by Artie. I just stood there, embracing this weird moment for me. I did not know how I got into this situation. It was all fast and sudden.

First, Artie had found me before leaving school, and I tried to go home. He was upset that I was trying to go home after I made plans with him. Frankly, I wanted to leave him hanging on purpose because I couldn't say no and had no interest in him. Even if it sounded mean, I wasn't pleased with making any more friends.

Second, he acted weird around me, asking me questions about my sex life. I kept telling him I was a virgin, and he told me he lied to the group and wasn't. He was afraid that they would see him as a whore or something.

Third, he took me to the back of the school where the smokers went. It was called the pit. Everybody knew that was where the smokers and ditchers went to do whatever they did to pass the time at school. I never went to it, but apparently, Artie was familiar with it. Because he went on ranting on about teachers trying to shut it down, but nobody ever listened. Then, the next thing you know, he was advancing on me.

"No," I said to him.

"Why?" He scoffed.

His body stiffened, and his top lip twitched. He was turning red, like his face was becoming the sun. I was in a place where I could walk away or let him take advantage of me. I watched this type of porn before, where the virgin acted like one, and the non-virgin acted like he was taking it away from him. However, it was not like that at all.

"I am just not comfortable with that yet, Artie," I protested his advance.

"But you are gay, aren't you?"

I opened my mouth to say something, but nothing came out like I was on mute. I stared at him, and his face shifted from annoyed to contempt.

He started kneeling, placing his hands on my genitals. I felt almost violated, but some part of me wanted this, but not with him, with Kyle. I wanted Kyle to be my first-ever moment: the kiss, the sex, and everything with him. Kyle was my crush, and Artie seemed more like a friend to me than anything, probably not a friend. Just a group member, if I was honest.

He started opening my pants, and I felt nothing but turned off. I kept my eyes closed and let the cold hand touch my parts. I did not feel anything the porn guys did and just felt uncomfortable. However, Artie seemed to be enjoying himself with this. He told me how small my dick was and regretted bringing condoms. I never thought that size mattered in the first place, but it does. Only in the gay community? I thought. I thought mine was a decent size. But I suppose it was not for everyone. I frowned and felt my confidence grow smaller. And I guess that's how it happened.