The Recital of Terrance Reed

Chapter Six

I had an earful once I arrived home.

The same thing that Mother always scolded about me. "You are selfish for leaving me." "You disappoint me." And "You never will go far if you keep up that charade." It was always the same stuff when she argued. However, I let her step all over me without fighting back like I was sand. I hated hearing her say the word "You." Because I knew exactly what it meant, and I was not too fond of it.

I rhythmically tapped my index finger on the base of the marble counter. I watched her mouth move in a spatter like she was rapping. But it's like no sound came out because all the words that bounced in my head were keywords. Just more bad words and self-doubt, and her insecurities. She was not like this with Father around only when he worked.

I peered over to the living room to see how Lina was doing. I noticed Lina covering her ears, trying to block the noise while watching television. I frowned. I hated Mother had no respect for her volume when she argued. It terrified Lina to her core. But if I mentioned it to her, she would only get louder.

"Little Mango, you are overtly disappointing me," Mother sneered. "You are a nobody at school, so why bother trying to get friends? You belong here. You matter here, and I need you."

I didn't say anything.

"Say something."

I held onto my tongue.

"SAY SOMETHING, YOU SHITTY EXCUSE OF A SON. GOD, CAN'T YOU SPEAK? SPEAK? SPEAK."

"What do you want me to say?" I said calmly.

"Anything, instead of looking dumb. It annoys me to see how much you are so fucking stupid sometimes."

"I need friends. I have nobody. I finally found somebody who cares. I found another person in my life whom I can trust and who I can rely on. This is something I have been looking for," I replied calmly. I started scratching my arm.

"But I need you. I need you here. I am scared that someday I'll get that stroke again. I am lucky that I can walk, speak, and think properly. I am in desperate need of your help, son."

"Then get a nanny," I blurted out, knowing that would spark more rage inside her.

"Oh, stop it with the nanny shit. I don't need to be reminded that I am old now. I am only 57."

"Then start acting like it, Mama," I growled, finally letting some anxiety out. It was a good feeling that I let some of it out. However, I may have regretted saying that in a nasty tone.

Mother furrowed her eyebrows and pierced her eyes at me. She raised her index finger and pointed it at me. "Don't you dare speak to me like that! What do you know about growing up? I act my age impeccably."

I clenched my jaw and smashed my hand on the marble, which echoed loudly throughout the house. "No, you don't! You are acting like a baby when you argue with me. Acting as I need you...." I stopped, trying not to say what I wanted to say. I held onto my tongue, but the anger had taken over. "Well, I don't. Okay. I am my person, and if you can't see that. Then, grow up and start making rational decisions based on respect rather than emotions. You fucking bitch!"

I stormed away as quickly as possible. I went straight to my bedroom to get away from the noise. I can hear her hissing and ranting, but nothing processed through. However, she decided to follow me before she tried to slip into my room. I locked the door behind her, which just made her infuriated. She started banging on my door and telling me horrible things.

I just blocked the loud noise by putting on my headphones, then playing Lana Del Rey's ART DECO. At first, I could still hear the muffling of the banging. But as the song progressed. I closed my eyes, and the music transcended me to my happy place. It was like all real-world sounds had disappeared into the darkness. I was floating there, enduring all the song's lyrics and sounds. Everything seemed infinite and spaced where I was. Like I had gone somewhere forbidden. But I liked it.