The Recital of Terrance Reed

Chapter Fourteen

First thing when I woke up on the day of graduation. I puked. I puked everything that I ate yesterday. Nothing could stay down. I had to get Father to aid me in the bathroom. I did not know how scary it was to be in the shoes of the graduation boy.

Predominately because ever since Kyle went missing, it kept reminding me that Kyle was missing out on an important day of his life. He never spoke to me about how it mattered to him, but thinking about it now. He probably did. Especially if I was helping him. I was terrified that he might be dead or alive somewhere out there. I keep praying that he is alive.

"Jesus, Terrance," Father whispered, rubbing my back as I kept puking my nervousness. "How much did you drink last night, Terrance?"

The pressure in my stomach twisted and turned like it was taffy. The room was tightening. My eyesight kept blacking in and out. This had to be the worst panic attack I had had in a long time-the worst feeling to feel before graduating. I could comprehend nothing properly, like my head became full of water. I thought my fingers were snakes and my suit was made of black tar. Everything seemed to go wrong today. It can't be. It had to be correct. I puked even more than my mind raced back and forth. I wish Kyle were here for me.

I glanced at my dad, full of tears. "It's not that, Dad. It's this anxiety that has been pending for s long. I am just fucking nervous." I gagged, and then a bunch of puke shot out of my body.

"Shit, son. I am sorry. I didn't know you were this worried. Anxiety sucks," Father emphasized.

I raised my head from the toilet and pushed myself away from the disgusting sight. I leaned against the wall of the bathroom. Father joined me, and he put his arm around my shoulders. I leaned into his grasp and took a deep breath.

"I am in love with Kyle," I revealed immediately. "I had always loved him. From the day I met him. Was it an obsession, or was it more?"

"Oh, I knew. Don't you think I saw your drawings of him? You have a good hand for art," He sighed. He rubbed my shoulder with a firm grip.

I slightly chuckled. "Is that why my art book was moved that one day?"

"Yep."

"Why didn't you say anything? You know there were some nudes...." I blushed and bit my lower lip.

"I know," he sighed and looked at me, smiling. He jogged me and started laughing. "Er, so you lost your virginity!"

I scoffed and pretended to be offended, "What! Obscured! Unorthodox! Absurd!"

He slightly punched me. "Don't worry, buddy. I am proud of you. Getting out there and stepping out of your comfort zone!"

"You think so?"

"Yeah, of course!"

I saw Kyle in my head. I wish I could touch his body again. His beautiful stomach, pecs, skin texture, and the way his eyes sparkled like light against the ocean. I could feel myself sinking into the deep thoughts of Kyle. His young soul seemed immortal. But yet, here we are. He's gone. The school seemed to forget about him completely. His parents had moved away. Sandy started ghosting me. Kyle was gone, just like the butterflies.

I read somewhere that butterflies only last up to two weeks or four weeks. Unfortunately, my painted lady butterfly only lasted for two weeks. I wish he could live in my life as long as the end of times. I just wanted to hold him.

"What are you thinking of?" Father asked, poking me on my shoulder.

"My butterfly," I sighed. I looked down at my feet and wiggled my toes. I smiled and glanced back at Father.