Confidante

The reason

When we arrived at the basement, the driver and Sun went out first. Before I opened the door, I faced you . I pull you closer..

"You'll see me before I leave right?"

"I wouldn't miss it for the world." then you point my nose. Luckily it's dim she won't see that I was smiling. I just bit my lip.

~~So what should I do when I'm dark and I'm blue//When you light up my room from July until June~~

After that night , I was really occupied in preparing and training before going to Indonesia. I was busy checking on the costumes that I'm going to wear, the outfits and also last reminders from my trainers. I don't even have a time to chill cause the time is ticking and the management wants me to focus on the pageant.

Hours before the Departure... 

 I am restless maybe I was just too excited, overwhelmed, thrilled, nervous? name it all... So I tried to call my mother, I just wanted to hear her voice before I left. After I heard her voice I am now calm. While I was scrolling through my social media, I saw that you're online. I immediately hit the camera button..

P'fa: I want to visit you for encouragement but Sun won't allow me to...

I immediately put my lips forward. You know what that means.

C: You must not stay up late, Phi...

P'fa: Will you be there at my departure?

C: Many girls wanted to see you leave.

Here you are again, your iconic line. But I am Engfa Waraha for nothing...

P'fa: Will you carry Gyo and give it to me before I check in?

Then I saw your reaction, I really want you to be at my side as I leave...You are now a part of my journey and I don't want to let it go. I just smiled cheerily cause I know I won again.

P'fa: I'll sleep now...Goodnight Nu~~

Departure Day

~What would I do if there wasn't a you//Would you sing about me like I sing about you~~

Before I opened the doors, I took a deep breath because I heard a lot of people went early to cheer for me as I left the country. That kept me going until now, their cheers and their screams are my recharge. I am thankful for it.

 As soon as I went out of the van, the boss was beside me and there I witnessed not only a crowd but a sea of people filled the airport. I am being interviewed by the media, I tried my best to be in the zone and not to lose my focus. I think I answered it well. Everything made me feel overwhelmed and anxious, so I needed to look for Gyo. I'll miss her more. Then I see you carrying Gyo. You didn't fail me, you're really here. I just hug Gyo cause she's the one who gives me the love of home. I wish I could carry her with me. I couldn't let her go but for the dream I should. I see a lot of people who really support me.

As I looked back. These are the people who believed in me and I must. I am thankful for these people in front of me. Then there, someone in the white dress...you know the look in my eyes, I am really thankful for you being there. Here I am starting to go all in again... I'll keep these precious memories in this photo that I took.

Sun: You kept on staring at that photo for 30 minutes now.

E: You know what Sun? There may be people who will just come into your life made you feel loved yet their love for you wasn't really the love that you wanted cause you thought you're just special to them but in reality they want you because they need something from you and that drains you which lead to a decision that you have to cut ties with that person...Here comes people you'll meet unexpectedly who were really true and replace those memories with the bad person that made you believe that there's still hope to see the good and do good instead of running away...

As I faced Sun, he just slept. I just laugh it off. He must be really tired too...Staring back again at the photo, this time. I'll try again....

There's really a certain person that we should stop from getting back in to be trapped in an endless loop, for it may give space for more people who're willing to be there and support you in pursuing your passion and dreams.

'~~Cause all I see are yellow lights, yellow lights, yellow lights~

Meet me under yellow lights, yellow lights, yellow lights

~~We're burning through these yellow lights, yellow lights, yellow lights

When I'm with you~~

P.S. Sorry for the long wait, hehe. the moving on phase was kinda tough for me. See you on the most awaited update.