Race till the end-formula 1

20

Amadeus never crossed the finish line. He had completely blacked out. He doesn't remember what happened after he got out of the car. He doesn't remember what he said to the media all he knows was that he was now in his hotel room alone sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands.

"I told you you are nothing without me" a voice whispered in his head.

"Shhhhh!!" he said grasping his hair and tugging at it.

"please stop" he whimpered

A knock on his door interrupted him.

He got up slowly as he leaned his head against the door.

"Who is it?"

"it's Daniel"

"I don't think you should be here"

"I know"

"..."

"Can you just please open the door"

amadeus reluctantly opened the door. Making space for Daniel to walk in. He then leaned his back on the closed door.

He watched as Daniel stood awkwardly in the middle of the room.

"Look don't want to talk Carlos already tried an-"

"Im not going to talk...can I hug you?" Daniel asked softly.

amadeus didn't say anything he just nod his head slowly. This was daniels way of expression sometimes hugs were enough to convey things he couldn't express with words.

Daniel felt grounding that's how amadeus would say he was feeling right now. Daniel squeezed a little making amadeus groan in pain as his ribs ached. Daniel quickly pulled away

"fuck- sorry amadeus did I hurt you." Daniel said quickly

"No it's okay Dan, just my rib it's a bit sore" the boy grimaced.

"is it okay did you get it checked"

"no need for that Dan it's not that bad"

amadeus watched as Daniels's hands instinctively held the edge of his shirt.

"Can I check it at least?" Daniel asked staring at him. all amadeus could do was nod.

He felt a cold hand lift one side of his shirt as another one slid up his skin feeling the bruising there. His ribs were covered in purple bruising amadeus knew it looked bad. He watched Daniel frown at it as his hands grazed over the area. trying to ignore how Daniels's hand on him made him feel.

"I bruise easily it's not as bad as it looks," amadeus said making Daniel look up at him. He pulled his shirt down and took a step back. All the closeness was making him overwhelmed.

"mmh okay," Daniel said not believing him fully.

"Look I don't want to talk about it," amadeus said again

"okay and I said I won't talk about it,..." he said with a soft smile

" I will not talk but I  will stay, I don't know about you but I am dying to get some sleep," Daniel said as he threw himself onto Amadeus's bed.

.....

Daniel had fallen asleep by the time amadeus got the call. He had his back turned to amadeus his chest rising and falling softly.

"I know you don't want to talk but I just need to hear your voice" 

amadeus doesn't know why he picked up. He doesn't think he could say anything 

"Please Deus just say anything I need to know you're okay," she said softly.

"im okay Laila"

"oh thank god..." she sighed in relief.

"..."

"Deus i- I'm so sorry, for leaving I'm sorry for everything happening right now i wish i was with you"

"don't please - not today," he said pleadingly.

"...."

"I just want to see you" 

"I can't"

"I don't want anything from you deus I just want to see you" she whispered

"im tired Laila" he sighed trying to end a conversation he mentally wasn't prepared for today.

"I just thought.."

"you chose this Laila, you left"

"I love you"

"and that wasn't enough for you to stay, and its okay i don't blame you"

" ..S'il vous plaît, laissez-moi essayer d'arranger les choses. Tu me manques." she whispered softly slipping into their language, the language he learned for her

"there is nothing to fix, i don't want to see you Je vous vois déjà partout. Dans chaque rue et dans ma maison, dans mon café préféré, putain laila, même quand je fais l'amour. I cant keep living like this"

"amadeus i-"

"  You looked me in the eye and told me you were happy. Let me go  maybe one day I can be happy too "

"is there someone else," she said softly.

"There is no one else Laila you've ruined me for everyone...I loved you and I still do and I don't know if I will ever stop but I want you to let me go...Thank you for everything all the good and all the bad for teaching me that I couldn't turn people into homes...maybe with time we can be friends again but not today" amadeus said in a flat tone.

"..."

"I- I love you amadeus, I always will" It didn't hurt like he thought it might.

"goodbye Laila

...