𝐃𝐄𝐏𝐑𝐀𝐕𝐄𝐃

42

HER PREDATOR

"Knocky knocky," my dad laughed from the other side of my door.

I was still in my towel from the shower, sitting on my bed and texting Casei through a hard moment. She was suspicious of the calm treatment her parents were giving her after everything that happened. I put down my phone as my dad came in, so that I could handle my own drama.

"Sweetie," he said softly, coming to sit next to me.

"Mom's a bitch. How'd you marry her?" I asked, bitterly laughing.

"You know things are rocky between me and her, right? It isn't some hidden thing," he sighed, laying a hand on my arm, "I just want you prepared in case things don't..."

"At least wait 'til I graduate. Please," I begged, "I need you guys together for another few months. I don't think I'd be able to take it. You've been together my whole life," I stated.

"L.L.," my dad smirked, "be cool," he gave me a fist bump.

"Dad, now's not the time for...whatever the fuck that was. I need you guys," I told him genuinely, "I feel like that isn't a lot to ask for when you've been givin' me 20% all my life. Just give me...60, or something this year," I begged.

"Lowen Liah Jaimes," he said my name gently, brushing his hand along my jaw. "You were a miracle when you were born. No, a marvel. Me, I made a baby, Nelly Jaimes." He laughed, resting his elbows on his knees as he looked over at me, "I knew I wasn't ready when I drove outta state the day your mother told me what the results were from the three pregnancy tests she took. I remember going to buy them with her from the pharmacy. Feeling all he imaginary, judgmental stares as we stood in line around all those old folks waiting for their arthritis medicine and what not."

"You guys have always made it seem like you didn't want me," I told him, emotion leaking into my voice.

"Your presence has always been appreciated-

"I've felt unwanted, Dad," I repeated, "All these years," my breath caught as I tried to hold in a sob.

Along a long length of dark blue jeans, he tapped one of his fingers on his knee. "I'm sorry that we've made you feel this way. You truly were unplanned and we didn't want adulthood to hold either of us down and keep us from happiness, and we've always tried our best with you-

"When did you start gettin' tired?" I asked, "Of me?"

"No one's tired of you, Lowen," he sat up, sighing.

"Bullshit. Then why is my mother down there actin' like she's my age then?" I questioned.

"She's scared of growin' old. Of-Of losin' dreams and time and opportunity. She's scared to grow up, too, like you are. Just in her own way. And she's handlin' it in all the wrong ways," he added, standing up.

He hesitated, like he wanted to say something more.

"In a few days, some things may come to light that might make you see me as a different man. As a different father. As a different husband. But I want you to know that I love you the same, and that I hope we can work past these upcoming road bumps," he told me, his back to me.

I nodded to myself, my eyes tired of crying.

I'm not going to cry right now.

"Does it have to do with why you're gone so much?"

"It has to do with an insatiable addiction," he grabbed my door knob, still too ashamed to look my way, "I should have let go a long time ago. I should never have even...began this."

"You're cheatin' on her, aren't you?" I asked, standing up, pressing the tucked part of my towel against me as I crossed my arms. "She's prolly been cheatin' on you too. So, what? Next step: Divorce?"

"It might be the case, Low," he whispered, finally looking back at me, his eyes watered. "I love you."

I only shook my head, not able to say it back.

"I'm goin' out. I needa clear my head and stuff."

"Alright," he sighed, closing the bedroom door behind himself.

I made sure it was closed all the way before I picked back up my phone, asking Casei if she could sneak over. She told me no, so I decided on the next best thing.

People always fall back on old habits.

Dylandra's hands were tangled in my hair as she climbed on top of me, using her legs, and I steadied her with my own hands. I needed release. Casei couldn't be my release, so I found another.

This isn't entirely...wrong. It can't be. If Casei had been available then this would be her waist I was kissing. This would be her mouth attached to mine. This would be her grinding her hips against me.

"I love you," she whispered, breathing heavy.

"I don't," I whispered back, our faces inches apart.

Dylandra kissed my mouth softly, but she didn't look too pleased with my answer. "You guys aren't together. You don't belong to her."

"And you're just a ping pong ball, Dyl. Or, if tennis is a faster game, then that. Who do you want?" I asked her quietly, "Me or her?"

"There's someone else, too," a smile curved on her lips, "Maybe I don't need either of you. There are plenty of people from our high school and from our city. My limits aren't just you and Casei."

"Be a city whore then," I shrugged, pushing her off of me. "You still came over here like a booty call."

"What is this, Lowen?" she demanded quietly, and she must've seen the look in my eye, because she warned me next, "I will get louder if you don't speak." Everybody wants Lowen to speak tonight, it seems. "What is what, Dyl?" I demanded. I pulled the sheets over my exposed lower body, leaving my chest in the open as Dyl pulled on a sundress.

"What are we doin'? Why do you call me just to...speak down on me, Lowen? Do you want me to continue to be your verbal punchin' bag? Is that what my heart is to you? Do you even have any feelings?"

"I'm not immortal. I have feelings, too, Dyl," I stated, "More than I can handle, too. And you keep comin' around. I can't be that toxic, love."

"Why are you doin' this to Casei?" she demanded.

Ah, so that was the true question.

I rose an eyebrow at her. "What? Are you gonna tell her about this little," I gestured between the both of us, leaving the rest unsaid.

"No," she shook her head, seeming to realize that for herself. "And it's pretty hard to leave someone so cruel."

"How am I cruel?" I demanded.

"I know you did whatever Sioyana's on and on about," she stated, her bag over her shoulder as she glanced around the room, satisfied that she had all of her things. "You're not a good fit for that girl."

"Casei?" I asked.

"No, the other girl you're fuckin' along with her," she swatted my shoulder, "Yes, Casei."

"I know what I am and what I'm not for her. You stay away from her," I warned. She went over to my door, glancing back at me, "You asked me to stay away from you and her. And look where we are now, my crazy ex."

"Go out through the window, Dyl," I waved my hand, snuggling back underneath the covers as I turned off my lamp.

"I'll go out the front, thank you," she scoffed.

She made a point of slamming my bedroom door and I rolled my eyes. My mother was probably deep in sleep, and my father the same, if one or the other was even here.

I need to make a decision soon, and the pressure is increasing: Am I what everybody thinks, or am I who I want to be?