I Am Not In Love [Zarry Stylik AU]©️

I haven't been thinking about you

H,

As I said before, I'm experienced. I'm an adult. I understand the consequences of certain actions.

There's always some risk of falling into something we are not prepared for when we're out here looking for love. We are emotional beings and, we can't keep these things flapping about inside of us from coming out.

I can't say I didn't think about him or wondered about him. I wouldn't even say I didn't look at his picture or remembered what happened in the back of my car that unusual Friday night. I thought about it all. I kept thinking about him. His voice. His smell. His touch. My clothes smelled of him still and when I got home that night, his cologne wafted in my car.

I wanted to ask about him, to talk to him, but it was best not. It had been...intense. Too intense.

The melody of his voice was still within me and the face he had when he kissed me. I had peeked under my lashes, to see his face relaxed and pulled him closer to deepen the kiss – which he gave in. How we stopped moving altogether as he kissed me, and I swear he held me too. It wasn't sex...

It was something more. The mechanics were the same, sure, but the emotion...

Was something else.

As I said I had been looking for my pair for a while, I've had my share of one-night stands or unknown quickies in bathrooms and alleyways. I even did a bit of ghosting myself, so this was karma for any shitty behaviour I had partaken of...

What I didn't expect was for it to hit me this deep.

I wondered how it had been for him. Had he liked me? Did he feel what I feel?

Sometimes I would imagine it had been just as earth quaking for me and he was just nervous to address any feelings he might feel. I would imagine this entire scenario in my head, typical of a romantic movie.

But his silence proved otherwise. Stoic. Determined. He didn't reach for me, and I tried not to look for him in these London streets and keep his face out of my mind. We weren't a match either way. He wanted his freedom and I wanted someone at my side.

We weren't meant to be, and, despite the hurt of my pride, I forced myself to understand that.

Or I'd go insane.

Time went on. Working helped. But, when I got into my car and looked at the seats it would all come back to me.

The world spins and life goes on. Some one-night stands are just that and we never see the person again...

Or at least, I thought.

They say your thoughts have power and you can manifest the right thing with the right brainwave. I must've thought about him too much because he was looking right at me. Zayn looked like a dream, so unreal, I slowed my step.

It was him.

My constant thought.

Zayn.

I noticed he tried to talk to me, but Emily took me away. I was curious about him and wanted to say something. Anything. I kept my composure thought; I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of knowing he had been a constant thought in my mind.

Inside the restaurant, we followed Liam into a separate room. I held Emily's hand, but I could feel Zayn's eyes in the back of my head. We went up a flight of stairs, with Emily ahead of me, and Zayn's stepa ecoing behind. When we turned to the second landing, I saw him staring at me.

On the second floor, we had the entire room to ourselves, and people had already taken places. It was one long table, capable of sitting about twenty-five people. The restaurant was beautiful with colours of white, beige, and soft orange. The second floor also had a balcony, overlooking the street, with tall windows letting in the cool night air from the summer. The decoration had soft lines and was exceptionally clean and minimalistic. On the walls images of Italy made me dream to visit a country I had only ever heard of in the most romantic novels.