The thing in your heart (Lloyd x reader)

Chapter 11

For as long as Lloyd could remember, he had been living in the Darkley's Boarding School for Bad Boys. Being taught the ways of evil by outcasts of the Ninjago system themselves, and occasionally, even otherworldly beings. But due to his well-meaning nature and heart filled with empathy, he was ridiculed.

His pranks weren't villainy enough, his mannerisms weren't rude enough, nor was his laughter spine curling enough. He was never good enough, no matter how hard he tried to fit in. Being the son of the infamous Garmadon and not growing up to the expectations of the people around him, he became the target everyone else would use to showcase their own evilness to others, all while he had to put up a fake front.

He would get his uniform stolen more often than he could count. He would find his notebooks shredded up every once in a while. He would witness his classmates destroying the projects that he had spent a lot of time on. It didn't matter how upset or hurt he was, he couldn't do anything.

In Darkley's, showcasing any weakness was frowned upon, and only earned more punishments. You didn't go crying to the teachers, begging them to stop the bullying, no. You upped the stakes and got revenge. If you got pantsed in the hallway, you would in return drop ants into their underwear, it was the unwritten rule.

Because Lloyd wasn't capable of burying his "friends'" shoes or cutting their hair against their wishes. He ended up being on the receiving end of these pranks.

This realization led the young Garmadon to question his identity and character.

"Why am I like this?"
"Why is my body preventing me from doing all those bad things?"
"Why couldn't I be more like my friends or teachers?"
"Why am I not more like my father?"

These thoughts only kept on escalating day by day as he grew up.

"Why am I so useless?"
"Why can't I be better?"
"Why am I such a crybaby?"
"Why would Father ever see me as his son?"

Then the day came when the cursed thought slithered into his mind...

"Why am I even here?"

No ten-year-old should ever think they were so unimportant that they shouldn't exist, but Lloyd didn't know any better at this tender age as he had no one to teach him. His mother had left him and his father didn't bother to care for him either. For all he knew, he was too much of a burden even for them.

Then came the day he was finally kicked out.

Lloyd was left alone, wandering Ninjago. This is when he decided he was finally going to prove himself to everyone. That he was a true Garmadon. He went from causing harmless pranks to terrorizing villagers, and then finally, he did his most regrettable stunt that caused a chain reaction of horrible events in Ninjago.

He released the Serpentine, who in turn released The Great Devourer that had wreaked havoc in the Deserts of Ninjago and even in the City itself. Then right after they unintentionally awoke the Warriors of Stone by opening their coffin and letting the Great Devourer's venom come in contact with them.

Tragedy after a tragedy left Lloyd to brood by his lonesome self after a while. Would these events have ever happened, if he had not been a wanna-be-villain and not given a start to the butterfly effect? This thought and other variations constantly ran through his head as he went on with his life even though his family said not to because worrying won't magically alter history.

As his uncle once told him: "We cannot change the past, but we can affect the future.".

As much as Lloyd tried, really, really tried, he couldn't stop. The quilt of his actions has and always will walk alongside him for the rest of his life. It won't disappear, he will just have to make peace with it. For now, though, he remains unsuccessful.

"Why?...."

Lloyd was pulled from memory lane back to the present. He was still on his knees, embracing (Name) as if they would disappear if he'd let go.

"Hm?" He simply answered, followed by a moment of silence before more was said.

"Why are you... so sympathetic towards me?..."

Lloyd took a hot minute to answer but came up with a solid answer soon enough.

"Because we are alike." He said with a sore throat from trying not to cry. This answer prompted the thief to finally show emotion as their tentacles twitched.

"W-What?..."

"Just as I said." Lloyd rested his head on (Name)'s shoulder as he caught his breath.

"I can relate to your situation because I too have done unforgivable things. I also know what it is like to want to give in to those ugly thoughts." He sighed tiredly. "I see a part of myself in you, and I can't help but want to help because that's what I wanted when I was at my wit's end."

"..........."

"..........."

Silence seemed to stretch between the two. Neither moved nor indicated wanting to talk. They just sat still in this strange situation where it was neither comfortable nor uncomfortable. Lloyd wondered what was going through (Name)'s mind.

Were they still in an unstable state? Negative, was his answer as he realized that (Name)'s heart rate has dropped from when he first clutched onto them and they weren't as tense.

'What do I do?' Lloyd thought to himself, realizing he has no idea what he was doing. How can he help (Name) in this vulnerable state? Should he do what he had wanted as a kid? What he wants as an adult?

Comfort. A Pair of ears to listen when you're unwell. A Soothing touch of a familiar.

Lloyd wasn't sure if he would qualify as someone (Name) deemed familiar or someone they're close to. But he could still try the other two things since that's all he has right now to offer.

He just doesn't want to see them cry like he has...

".....Have you killed anyone?"

Lloyd is startled by the sudden noise and question as he flinched back and looked at (Name), the one responsible for the question.

"Indirectly." Even as Lloyd admitted it, it frightened him how quick he was to come up with the answer.

"Elaborate..."

"For instance... as a child, I released the long-sealed Serpentine who then awoke the Great Devourer that attacked the Ninjago City. The Ninja had managed to contain the damage to only one part of the city, but there were still more than a few casualties..." Lloyd let himself trail off.

"So yes, I consider myself a killer on some level."

"........"

"........"

Another silence came over them as both parties seemingly processed what was said. This silence, however, was short-lived, as another question lingered on the tip of the limb-thief's tongue.

"Does anyone blame you?"

"Anybody that I know? No." He sighed once again. He was suddenly feeling exhausted. "The public is not aware of how or who released the Serpentine, the only people who know are my immediate family, friends, and the Serpentine of course. Even though they don't blame me, it still doesn't stop the guilt from eating me away."

"Hah... I get what you mean..." (Name) laughed lightly as they leaned further into Lloyd. " I guess I was a bit too narrow-minded thinking you hadn't done a bad thing in your life."

"What kind of person did you think I was when we met? A Self-righteous brat?" Now it was Lloyd's turn to chuckle.

"Pretty much. I thought you were another one of those stick-up-their-ass people who did everything in the name of justice and believed all evil must be conquered. Shit like that." The more (Name) got to talking, the more they expressed with their movements and facial expressions. It was relieving for Lloyd to see them more calm than they were just a while ago.

"You could say that I, once upon a time, had a silly hero complex. Just another kid aspiring to be a hero in this realm after being saved by the Ninja from my bad upbringing. Just a kid wanting to be cool and save people from evil. Like how the majority of children are." Lloyd fondly recalled the times he was discovered to be The Green Ninja but was still too young and inexperienced to do any useful and heroic deeds.

Even before that, whenever he wanted to be part of the action, he was stuck on the bounty and left to his own devices with a mind as imaginative as dreams themselves. Reading comic books became one of his favorite past times and what could better feed a child's need for adventure and excitement than a comic about an outer space hero?

"Well, I wouldn't know." (Name)'s laughter lacked any light-heartedness it had. "I don't remember much from being a small kid, and the memories that I do have from my childhood are tainted by fear and suffering."

The confession got Lloyd thinking for a moment. He knew (Name) once had resided in a facility meant to contain illnesses and such. Did (Name) mean all along that they grew up there and only got out for the first time when it was brought down? They really had no one to lean to? No one to relate to?

"You have no good memories at all while in there? Any sell mates or people you interacted with?" Lloyd asked out of curiosity. (Name) thought earnestly for a bit.

"Actually... There was this one man..." (Name) trails off in thought, but Lloyd patiently waits for them to continue.

"I grew up alone in a white room where I was the only occupant. I could not see the person that was talking to me, nor could I hear any other people like myself through the blank walls. The people in the facility, and especially the ones in contact with me, didn't offer me any sympathy or comfort. For example, if I cried, I was met with silence or a scolding. When It was time for me to eat, no one brought me my food but instead was dropped down from a latch in the ceiling or let in from an open segment in a wall." Lloyd remained silent, even if he wanted to further inquire what they meant by "Let in"...

...Never mind, he could already guess.

"That was the kind of environment I grew up in. When I finally broke out of my room and ravaged the first four levels, I ran into two more people like my previous attackers. One of them shot at me with a gun and I fought back by stealing his heart." (Name) illustrated this action by grabbing air in front of them.

"The other one though... He didn't do anything to me. He was more scared than me, which I found surprising. When I approached him, he scrambled away and even cried." (Name) fiddled with one of their tentacles as they continued.

"Back then, I hadn't seen another being aside from myself cry, so I thought he was in a similar situation as I. That he was just like me, so I spared him and he didn't hurt me." They finished as they let out a chuckle. "That's as far as good memories go for me in that hell hole."

"But it's something," Lloyd concluded. Not much, but something.

"And your point in hanging onto such meaningless encounters? I'd rather forget my childhood if I could." (Name) fired back, curious why Lloyd had even asked in the first place.

"You can't forget your most painful memories. You just can't. You can only come to terms with them and live on. So, if you don't have a lot of good memories, hanging onto even those small ones that bring the smallest of smiles to your face, could make all the difference in how you perceive your today and tomorrow. Makes you feel less different from others." He responded, tightening his grip on (Name). "You said you wanted someone to kill you. You asked yourself to die. I say, no. I won't let you. Not before I understand the whole picture and come up with a solution."

(Name) shook their head while laughing tiredly. They lifted one of their tentacles and latched it onto Lloyd's blond locks, playfully shaking his head. Why? They didn't know. They just wanted to annoy and confuse Lloyd as much as he confuses them at this moment.

"You're delusional, you know that?"

"Not delusional, just optimistic."

"Fuck off with that shit." (Name) lightly shoved Lloyds head once more for good measure and began to get up, Lloyd quickly following suit. Seemingly their previous conversation had come to an end.

"Are you going to be alright?" Lloyd inquired, looking (Name) over for any abnormalities as his eyes met their tentacles... Well, anything not normal for (Name).

"For now at least." They sighed, shaking any excess water from their clothing, only for them to deem that it was of no use to try and dry them. The articles of clothing were beyond saving and the next place they would see was not the wash tub but the dumpster. Good thing (Name) had other clothes to wear back home. 

"This hunger strike wouldn't have even happened in the first place had I found something to eat sooner." (Name) let out as they retracted their tentacles. "But alas, my schedule today was packed full of unavoidable errands and meetings." This made question marks pop around Lloyd's mind.

"What have you been doing for the last day to not have any time to eat?"

"I'll have you know, I have jobs that I need to attend to earn money. You know, the thing that keeps the world going? Not only that but I have to do it on top of my personal investigations as well." They turned to walk away and towards the nearest ladder leading topside. "I don't have the luxury to laze around as much as I'd like to."

"You tell me, I know what that's like, you know, being The Green Ninja." Lloyd played into the thief's little game as he followed them, not paying any mind to his ruined uniform. (Name) seemingly found Lloyd's response funny as a slight smirk found its way on their face. When (Name) looked around the next intersection, a ladder, by which Lloyd had taken his brief break, stood invitingly.

"There." (Name) simply said as they started walking again alongside Lloyd. As they arrived at the ladder and (Name) was the first one to start climbing, Lloyd couldn't help but voice his current concern even if they technically already were done talking about it.

"You mentioned you grew up alone... and then broke out. How did you fair after? Were you alone then too?" Lloyd approached this topic with uncertainty which could be easily picked up in his tone and demeanor. (Name) stopped their ascend and turned to look down at Lloyd who in turn looked back with a gloomy gaze.

"That...." (Name) began but sighed heavily as more memories from the faraway past came flooding in. Not nearly as painful as in the facility, but uncomfortable nonetheless. "That, is a whole nother story, for another day." (Name) continued climbing and as Lloyd himself realized he lately tends to do, follows after them. (Name) had moved the sewer cover over and climbed out of the tunnel, but peered back down at Lloyd.

"But the short answer to that is, no." Lloyd's gaze jumped up in surprise at this statement. Happy that they weren't alone when they got out, since he was half-expecting them to say 'yes', but also worried after the initial shock wore off. What kind of people did they come in contact with when they got out? Were they people working with the facility? Some other corporation? Did they hurt (Name) or harm them in any other way?

Now he was getting ahead of himself again in a situation he feels like he shouldn't. (Name) will tell him only if they want to and he will respect that, so he shouldn't inquire further. Both of them have had a long night and could use some rest. Though Lloyd still has to report the bodies, whom of which, (Name) had taken limbs from, so his night might stretch a bit further. Lloyd shook his head from his thoughts and smiled up at (Name).

"Glad to know, thank you," Lloyd said as he too hopped up and stood at the same eye level as (Name).

"Do what you will with that info, I'm done for the night. See ya later." (Name) said as they then turned to walk away, rummaging through their pockets for a cigarette and a lighter. Lloyd could only sigh at the habit as he too began making his way to the crime scene.

Just as (Name) had managed to light their smoke, they didn't even get to inhale the toxic cloud as a sudden feeling of dread washed over them, making them freeze in place. (Name) swiftly ran their gaze around the street and over each surrounding building way faster than any human or animal could, noticing a slight gleam on their left and a small movement above them.

'Shit!!!'

(Name) leaped backward and over to unsuspecting Lloyd. Before the Blond could react, his body was being entirely covered by a wall of fleshy tentacles and multiple gunshots could be heard being fired as loud grunts breathed above him. Lloyd even had to cover his ears to not go deaf.
Only after when the firing stopped did he get a chance to assess the new threat. Lloyd looked at (Name), who had jumped over to him and protected both him and themselves from the bullet rain with their tentacles. (Name)'s tentacles remained protectively around the pair as they eyed their surrounding once more, now seeing no one, as though their assailants hadn't been there in the first place.

"Fucking hell... I'm entitled to at least three smokes after this...."