The Other Side

19

Cévon P.O.V
I pulled up to the store with Itrez in the front seat. He needed to grab some shit so I offered to take him since he was already at my place. I just wanted to get away for my he crib today. I've been inside for about 4 days now besides when I made a couple of moves for OG. I sighed as he got outta the car and walked up to the store.

I've been very agitated these past couple of days. After his birthday and is having sex that was the last time o talked to him. He's been calling me and texting me and even pulled out to my house, but I haven't responded. That comment he made really rubbed me the wrong way and I felt mad uncomfortable after. I just wanted to stay to my self, but I still needed to get money so that's the only Tim wi left the crib. I know it's wrong to ignore him because toy he average eye what he did wasn't that serious, but those words hit me differently. I felt weird already and just wanted to be up under him cause it was my first time and then he makes fun of me for it? I won't be clingy no more. Like why would you say that to me after my first time with you? I don't know why he would joke around like that. I know I duck with him, but he said it himself and it was my first time so of course I wanted to chill with him. He lowkey hurt my feelings.

Imma just stay to myself. It was a joke to him but not to me. I know how girls get when they get dick for the first time and Im not tryna be like that. I'm already getting fucked and now I'm about to become one of the most annoying people ever. The delusional clingers. When he said that it's like that high wore off and I really looked at what just happened.

I really let a grown ass man fuck me, stick his dick down my throat, eat my ass, and nut in me! Yet it was the best feeling ever being with him like that. I'm not saying that I regret him fucking me, it's just that everything smacked me at once when he said that and it made me feel a type of way.

I don't even know how to explain what I'm feeling right now, but I'm feeling it.

I have a boyfriend and we had sex. Like how is that real for me?

I can't lie and say I didn't miss him, but I felt weird about being around him or even talking to him right now. Maybe I wasn't ready, but wanted to be so I forced myself. Or maybe I was ready, but now I'm scared to face him. It's like that awkward morning after phase when you slept with a random person. Only difference is he's not a random, he's my boyfriend, and I love him. Just saying that shít doesn't even sound right any more.

I really don't think I'm gay. I only like him, but now I'm starting to feel weirded out by the way I act around him and how he just lets me do whatever I wanted to him. I'm not used to this shit at all. So yea I ran away. From the love, the intimacy, my feelings for him, everything. I see now this wasn't just me being mad about what he said to me, it's about the whole relationship. I'm overwhelmed and when he said that it's really like something clicked in me. I wanted to go back to how I was with females to not run them off. Play nonchalant and rude and send them about their day so they can't hurt you first.

He's not them though and I know that yet I still ran from everything. I really wanted to be up under him and in his face, but I don't wanna annoy him and I feel like a big part of that WAS because he fucked me like he said.

I'm battling my sexuality again and this time my mind is winning. I don't think imma win.

Damn, that shít lowkey really hurt my feelings.

My phone went off again making me decline it knowing it was him again.

From "Cordell,":
I'll leave you alone...
I'm sorry.

I felt my face get hot and a frog in my throat making me take a deep breath before looking at Itrez who was walking back to the car.

"Brother man you good? You been tripping these past few days and where brother man in law at?" He asked me as I shrugged.