The Other Side

30

Cévon P.O.V
I sat on my bed for a minute staring at my floor before sighing and looking straight ahead. It had been a week after his death and crazy enough Christmas was in like 2 days. What a wonderful time to burry your brother, son, fiancé, Childs father, grandson, and just best friend? Wonderful time.

Now I have two months to hate. I guess the end of the year just sucks for me. That's when everyone goes. Cash, Cordell, Nori, my mom, Itrez.

I just feel like I don't have shit to live for anymore anyway. Nothing at all.

I walked to my bathroom and turned on my hot water before grabbing my gun and walking back toy he bathroom just in case. Not that it even matters anymore. I should just go give myself up. Let that nigga kill me. I haven't cried since the day it happened. It's like I have no emotions left. I'm so numb right now. I don't even feel like a human I just feel like I'm on auto-pilot.

I stepped into my shower and started washing up making sure I was clean. I can't show up to my brothers funeral smelling bad. I've literally just been laying in bed for days with my phone off.

Haven't eaten a thing. Literally. Only been drinking liquor, smoking, and maybe water here and there. I stepped out of my shower once I was all cleaned up and stepped out looking into my bathroom mirror at myself. I took in my appearance not feeling anything. Sunken eye and cheeks, flushed face, pale skin, I had lost so much weight too.

What do I even have to live for anymore?

I looked down at my gun and stared at it for a while thinking about Cash and how he let me lay on him and cry while I was going through it. Crazy thing is that wasn't even my first time thinking about killing myself. That time I was the most serious. I've always battled with mental health and Can you guess how this is making me feel?

I grabbed my gun just holding it before pointing it at my reflection in the mirror. I took the safety off and put my finger on the trigger pointing it at my reflection who was now smiling at me.

"Do it pussy. You won't. Kill me. Or should I say you since I am you? Kill yourself Cévon. You don't have shit to live for anymore. Just do us all a favor. You ruined everything and everyone. It's all your fault. Had you not been sick he would have never went to the store for medicine, had you not been a bad son your mother never would have left you, had you been a better street nigga you would never fucked yo enemy, had you been a better boyfriend you would have never made that nigga go, had you been a better friend Itrez would still be alive. Your priorities are fucked up. You only care about yourself,"

"Shut the fuck up," I mumbled pointing the gun at my reflection hearing it laugh loudly until I couldn't take it anymore. "I SAID SHUT THE FUCK UP!"

I pointed the gun at myself putting it on my temple with my finger on the trigger. I put a little bit of pressure on it waiting for the pain to stop, but opened my eyes yes looking at my reflection again which was normal. It was me standing there with a gun to my head.

Fuck man...

I sat the gun down and put the safety back on it sighing before splashing my face with cold water. I feel weak.

I fired my face and body off before walking into my room naked and getting dressed. I know it's winter and it's snow outside, but fuck lotion. I don't even wanna get dressed and go to this shit. It shouldn't even be happening. He shouldn't be dead. He was supposed to make it out. He was supposed to be getting married and having a baby. Now he can't because his brother is just taking out my brothers one by one.

I'm glad Nori won't be here when he comes back. If something happens to her...

He's really 2 up on me. 2! What the fuck is my problem bro? Now I can't do shit cause I can't deny a dyings man wish I especially his right after my brother told me the same thing. I just can't.