It's So Izzy (Duzzy)

chapter 12

izzy's pov

I turn on my guitar on the amplifier while axl chats some writings and my gaze meets duff's, who knocks on the already open door, entering with slash behind him
after seeing him I sigh, a little more relieved, straightening my shoulders, I smile in a sympathetic and embarrassed way, it gets a very boring atmosphere in these moments

"Oh, hey im axl, nice to meet you guys" the redhead turns to them

"slash, im duff." duff points to slash 
after looking at him, axl talks pointing to the guitar on his shoulders

"Oh, no no, we already have a guitar players, no need other."

"I only stay if he enters. it's either us or none. " duff says so

"its fine, I'll do the base" I say

axl noods
"okay, alright then, lets se what we got.."

he looks around to find a very specific piece of paper and as slash finds where to plug his amplifier i found time to get closes to the blond.
I get close to him, close enough to hook my elbow into his arm when I move, I look to the side, avoiding eye contact

"hey."
I say shyly

"Hi izzy."
he laughs and i smile

"can we talk later please?"
i ask

"sure."
he smiles at me and i return it, going back to my place

"alright kids, i found it" axl comes back with a piece of paper

"do you guys mind if we play a ac/dc song?"

"nop" we all agree

"alright then!"

time break.

I get a glass of water, we should have played about five or six songs, when I turn around, I see duff, we were a little further away and he looked at me shyly

"Hi.." he says smiling a little

"hey" I take a deep breath

"I dont even know where to start" we laugh"

"okay, okay.."

"look, mike, you gotta promise me you wont freak out!" he raise an eyebrow

"what do you mean?" he laughs

"I'm serious!!" I talk like a little kid

"fine, fine" he laughs "I promise."

i take a deep breath

"a while ago, before the classes start, i was at home when i got a call."
i look to see if he was paying attention

"when I toke it, was from you house. they called me and talk to me for a while, your parents decided to make a plan to move away us. They told me they were going to ruin our future mike, your future. They said if I get close to you, they were going to make them kick out you."
i see he looks at me with puzzled eyes

"I was holding such a thing, and had to choose between your... relationship i guess, and your chance of having a life." I see he's going to try to say something but I cut him off
"I know you dont think mike, we know you never think before doing and im the one who does it to us so i had to choose. it hurted like hell, right here.."
i point to my heart
"but i was so afraid of ruining everything, of ruining your future, and our future too. i wouldn't be able to live knowing that i ruined everything."

"thats is fine jeff.." he holds my hand

"no its not! i felt like i wanted to rip my skin off. i was so alone, and i was hurting because i was hurting you and when i hurt you i hurt myself too. and.. I just wanna have you again, but im so, so scared. and you know i would never say something like this, ever."

he nods and hugs me
"I know you wouldn't, and i know you had a reason to do it, you were just trying to do the best thing to both of us."

i put my head on his shoulder, i feel exposed. vulnerable. but i dont think about the other guys on the room. its just me and mike.

"and im gonna rip my parents asses too!"

"no you wont." I look at him

"if you do they are gonna ruin everything. i was looking through the university and i guess they didn't put anybody to watch us, so we are fine."

he nods and gets close to my lips
we kiss.

"I missed you so fucking much."
he says laughing
"I know you did." and i put my hand on his neck, chocking him. He whispers. i start to tracing a kissing path from his jaw to his neck
and axl call us.

"hey, get a room! we gotta stuff to do little birds!"

axl didn't let us on our dorm so i ended up on duff's dorm, slash was out, he went see a girl so that we could be together alone.

i had mike in my arms, we were both lying down on the bed, almost with no clothes.

Mike's hands started to get sweaty

duff's pov

my hands started to get sweaty. I rub them both continuously, as i look down to them my eyes get widen and i start to  panic
i was short of breath and i started to shake, in my head i was cursing myself, what the fuck what a great time to have a panic attack.

i see that it doesnt take long to izzy realize what was going on, he sits down, pulling me up a little higher, he runs his hands down my back calmly

"shh... its okay"

he holds my face with his hands, forcing me to look at him

"its okay, youre okay. youre safe, nobody is gonna hurt you, im here and im not going anywhere, i wont let anyone hurt you."

his fingers rub my face and with his other hand que takes my hair out of my face, it was sinking in sweat.

he let me go of him and while im sit down he takes his shirt of, and after it he managed to take mine, as we were shirtless he pulls me back to his arms and i can feel his warm body against mine

"just focus on your breath okay? through the nose and then through the mouth"

he places an arched finger at a specific point on my chest, above the stomach, because he knew that when the crisis passed, I felt a lot of discomfort and pain there, due to the strength I exerted while it was freaking out

i can feel his heart beat.
thats what makes me feel alive.

i close my eyes and put my head close to his chin, feeling the calm to reestablish itself again

he still rubs me.

gives me a great and deep comfort that things seen are temporal, and things unseen are eternal.

my desire is too deep to speak and what I think is difficult for anyone to understand

but i know how much i waited
how much i dreamed
to Jeff take care of me like this again.

and suddenly im eight, having my first ever panic attack on a tree house, basically all by myself, and he handed it all alone.
how i missed having the confort of knowing jeff would know what to do, know how to make it go away.
all those desperate drunk crisis at my aunt's house..
the way he hold me, the calmly way of knowing what to say and what to do
know my way of reacting at any word or action.
his deep voice.. his hot breath..
i missed so much being taken care of.
i usually hate it, but jeff is the only one telling me what to do

while im with him
the whole world can just fuck off.