I sold my soul to Rock 'n' Roll

Chapter 22

I moved into Jimmy's old house. His family had told me that they thought I should have it since I had practically lived there when I was together with him. I never thought it would be so weird though. 

As I stepped into the house the emptiness filled all of me. That place had always been full of life and happiness. Now was it just a big quiet house. All signs of that Jimmy had been there felt gone even though the pictures, his clothes and everything he used to own was still there. 

I walked around in the house and just remembered the days we had shared there. It was so depressing just to know how fast it all had been over. And that those days would never come back. That he would never come back.

I walked up to his bedroom and to the closet. I took one of his hoodie and put it on me. It still smelled like him. The most wonderful smell ever. 

Then I started thinking about something else. Something I totally had forgotten. 

I walked over to Syn's house that wasn't so far away and knocked the door. He opened after just a minute. 

"Hey Charles, what's up?" he asked. 

"Why is he dead?" I asked.

"What?" he asked and looked a little confused.

"He wouldn't be buried if they didn't know why he died. What really happened that night Syn? Why died Jimmy?" 

"No one told you?" he asked surprised.

"All Matt said was that you guys were having a party but that he seemed fine and then he was just dead."

"Come inside so can we talk", he said and stepped away from the door so I could go in. 

We sat down at the table in the kitchen. "What Matt told you was true but it wasn't really the whole truth."

"What happened?" I asked. 

"We hung out with some kids that had joined us for tour. Backstage people. One of the guys had some stuff we could smoke and we were drunk and stupid and all thought 'what the hell, what can happen?'. It was stronger stuff than we thought but we never thought it was something that we couldn't handle, we had all tried those things before. But Jimmy had a bad heart and it couldn't handle it this time", he said and looked down on his hands. 

Syn's POV

I had never seen Charles so mad. Her eyes went darker and darker the more I told her. I couldn't even look at her at the end of the story, couldn't meet her look. 

"What the fuck is wrong with you? After everything! After everything I've told you guys, you still do it? Jimmy's dead because you guys were idiots and thought it would be fun to try drugs? I… I can't even look at you. You guys disgust me", she said and stormed out. 

I just sat there and felt bad. I really understood her anger. She had told us her story, how much the drugs fucked up her life and nearly took her life a few times. She had showed us how much she was against it and we still did it. And it had cost us Jimmy's life. That was something I would never get over. None of us would.

"Honey, why did Charlie just storm out from the house?" Michelle asked and walked into the kitchen.

"I told her how Jimmy died", I explained. 

"She didn't know?" she asked. 

"Not everything."

"Oh, I think I know which part you guys left out", she said and sat down next to me. "How did she take it?" 

"Well you saw how she left", I said. 

"Okay so not so good… Just give her some time and she'll get over it", she said and put her arms around my neck.   

Some time… I didn't think that some time could fix this. The hate I saw in Charlie's eyes today was something that would stay there for a long time. This wasn't something she would get over, none of us would, and this would probably only make it more difficult for her to start accepting the fact that Jimmy was dead and live with it… because no one would get over it. The pain would never go away. 

I didn't hear from anybody for a few days. Everyone just kept for themselves, not really on the mood of meeting everybody in the band. About a week after I had told Charlie convinced Michelle me to go to Johnny's bar and take a glass, just to get out from the house for once. 

So I drove to Johnny's and walked over to the bar where I saw that Zack and Johnny sat there with a beer in their hands. 

"Hey guys", I said and sat down next to them. 

"Hey Syn, what are you doing here?" Zack asked.

"Michelle threw me out of the house for a while", I explained.

"Yeah our girls did that too", Johnny said. 

"So what are we talking about?" I asked.

"That none of us has any idea of where Charlie is", Johnny said. 

"Yeah, she doesn't answer when we call and don't open the door when we knock", Zacky said. 

"I know why…" I said. 

"What happened?" Zacky asked.

"I told her the whole story about Jimmy's death and yeah you can both imagine how she reacted."

"What did she say when you told her?" Johnny asked.

"Basically that she never wanted to see us again and that we disgusted her", I said and shrugged. 

"I feel like that too sometimes…" Johnny sighed. 

"You're not alone", I said. 

Charlie's POV

I couldn't handle the information I had been told or I couldn't handle the anger and hatred I felt towards the guys after what I'd been told. Most of all, I couldn't stand the thought of Jimmy without getting as most angry. Why had he been so fucking stupid? What the fuck was he thinking? Though I understood him… I loved that shit. I loved everything that had something with getting high to do. I loved it so much that I hated it. 

I had to get away from that house. I had to go somewhere that I could get totally distracted from my feelings because I didn't want to feel this hate for Jimmy as I did at the moment. 

So I went to a nightclub. It seemed to be a good place to go to since the music was too loud to hear your own thoughts and the alcohol was everywhere.

When I arrived stood a group of parent and church people that always followed me and Jimmy outside the club, protesting about something. They saw me and started to yell stuff at me instead. Stuff as "there she is! The one who killed James Sullivan!" and "Everything is her fault! She's the one who's responsible for that James Sullivan is burning in hell now!" 

Those words went straight to my heart like a sharp knife. Even though I knew that it all was bullshit was it enough to made me feel like shit. Because if I hadn't met the guys then their band would never have started, they would never have met those backstage people and never taken those drugs that killed Jimmy. 

So I did the only thing I knew that could take my mind off of it, I drank. I drank more than I had for years. It numbed all my feelings just like I wanted. 

I stood in the middle of the dance floor the entire night and danced all my feelings away… also all my energy. I became really tired and went to a booth to sit down for a while. I nearly fell asleep when two guys walked over to me and sat down. 

"Hey, tired?" one of them said.

"Mhm", I said, too drunk to say anything else. 

"We've got something that can make you all jolly again" the other guy said with a grin and held out a little bag with something white in it. Cocaine. 

It watered in my mouth just from the sight of it. I wanted it so badly. Somewhere in my drunken mind I knew that I shouldn't but I still nodded. The craving was too big.