Love Me (slow updates)

Ch 19 |•| I don't hate her

Ricardo let out a hard grunt as the punching bag fell to the floor. He was just so angry. He didn't even know at what's he just knew he was angry.

He slumped down into the floor as he held his head in between his hands. He wasn't just angry. And much as he didn't want to admit it he was scared. Clara had been taken ten years. Ten years ago everything fell apart. But now she was back and it was happening all over again.

Someone was trying to take her. Just as they had done before. He knew it would happen.  He knew it wouldn't last.

That's why he didn't let himself get close to her. It wouldn't hurt as bad. He wouldn't feel like shit all over again. But something h in his gut told him it was going to hurt more.

He was so fucking guilty. For things greater than the way he treated his sister. He felt responsible for everything that had happened that night. From the second he opened the garden door to the second he was left standing in a pool of blood surrounded by bodies.

He let out a shuddering breath as he tried to shake away the memory. He had to stay focused. There was no need to get all emotional when it wasn't worth it.

It had happened. There was nothing he could do to make it unhappen.

"You're going to drive yourself crazy like this." He heard Andrea's say behind him making him look up. He rolled his eyes before standing up. "You good?"

Ricardo nodded before clearing his throat as he started to attach a new punching back onto the hook.

"Bullshit, what's wrong with you?" Andreas said as he took a seat on the bench by the door. Ricardo felt himself get even angrier at Andreas' questioning making him let out an annoyed groan.

"None of your fucking business." He grunted out as he began to unwrap his knuckles. Andreas rolled his eyes as he stood up taking a step towards Ricardo.

"What happened to you? You used to be so... so happy." Ricardo froze. He hated that question.

What happened to you?

He hated it.  He hated it so much he felt his blood boil with anger. Before he knew what he was doing he had Andreas pressed up against the wall with his right fist raised.

Andreas didn't even flinch. He furrowed his eyebrows as he didn't even try to move. "Hit me. Go ahead and hit me. If it will make you feel any better." Ricardo's hand wavered as his breathing became heavier and heavier.

"I-" he felt himself begin to tear up. What was he doing? Why was he throwing his life away for something he had no control over. And why did he blame himself for something he couldn't have stopped in the first place? He was so angry he didn't know what to do. He felt it course through him like fire. He needed a release. He wanted to hit something. Break something. He wanted to... cry?

He was sad. That was truth. Underneath all the anger he was really just a very sad person. He had all this baggage and he needed to let it loose. But he didn't know how. How was he meant to let it go? How was he meant to go back to before like nothing had happened?

Especially with how he had treated Clara. He had treated her like he didn't want her back. He just wanted to protect himself. He didn't want to feel that pain all over again.

They thought she was dead. They had a funeral for her. They had three funerals and now one of them was back. How was he meant to recover from that as if it was nothing.

"Tell me Ricardo. I'm here. I'm listening."

That was all it took.

"I tried so fucking hard Andreas. I punched, I screamed, I cried, I kicked and they," he stopped as he took a deep breath. "They just pushed me away like nothing. He would've still been here. She wouldn't have ever been taken. Dad would've still been alive but I-" he stepped back letting his brother go as he let out a sob. "I couldn't fucking do anything." He let out another sob. He stood there his head in his hands as he cried. "I never should've opened the fucking door."