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Chapter 15

Malkiel just stood there staring back at Serenity who was also staring at him. It was just the two of them inside the cabin. Malkiel should be happy to finally get this chance but he couldn't help but feel more nervous. With thoughts flooding through his mind, he started to doubt whether or not this was a good idea after all.

He broke their unexpected staring contest first and decided to just stare at the mountains up ahead.

"The air here feels different doesn't it?"

That was the first thing he could utter and he wanted to beat himself up for that. It was stupid he admitted to himself. But he didn't know what he could say to make Serenity not feel all awkward around him.

"It is different"

Serenity answered after just a short pause, she was taken aback by the fact that it was just the two of them left in there.

Should he just go for it? Will things get better if he does?

Malkiel let out a sigh before sitting at the rattan egg chair just beside the hammock. He saw Serenity sitting back at the hammock and for a short while there was silence between the two of them. They could hear laughter across them probably coming from the organizer's camp which is not far from theirs. But aside from that? None of them were willing to converse.

But it was that both of them didn't know what to tell to one another. Serenity could tell Malkiel to just forget about the confession and leave it behind them but a part of her didn't want to do that.

She didn't want to hurt Malkiel and it bothered her that she didn't hate the way his confession sounded. As a matter of fact she was avoiding him because she didn't know what was wrong with her and she didn't know how to answer his confession.

"About the confession..."

Serenity's gaze went to Malkiel who was staring at his hands as he trailed off. When Malkiel didn't hear any reaction from Serenity, he took this as a sign to go on with what he was saying.

"I know it was the worst time to do that but I want you to know that I don't regret saying it and I'm not asking for a reply either. I just don't want you to avoid me"

Serenity felt something prick inside of her, what Malkiel just told her definitely left a sour taste in her mouth. He doesn't regret it but he was trying very hard to conceal the fact that he did want some answers.

"Do you really not want a reply?"

Malkiel looked up and saw that Serenity's mouth was pursed into a thin line, a clear indication that she didn't like whatever he just said. But why? If Serenity wanted to forget it, he could act on it, even if it hurts he would do anything just to be beside Serenity again.

"I don't want to pressure you, we could forget about it if you want to"

"You're not answering my question"

For a little while Malkiel saw an irritated expression on Serenity's face. He couldn't say anything, he knows he's not good at lying, and it would be much better to just shut his mouth before he could say anything that he'd regret later on.

"Suit yourself then"

Serenity abruptly stood up and went inside the cabin with Malkiel who panickingly followed suit. She was furious and she didn't even have any logical reason why she was feeling that way. She didn't want to lash out on Malkiel and she haven't really gathered all of her thoughts right. She was still confused about the blossoming feelings she have and the pain that she needs to deal with.

"Wait Serenity"

"Do you have anymore to say?"

Malkiel could hear the repressed fury in Serenity's voice as she stare at him. He made things worse and he didn't even know what part of his speech she was mad about, that was what he thought.

"I made you mad, why? Did I say something inappropriate?"

Serenity could feel herself backing away as Malkiel starts to walk towards her. She could hear it, the desperation and worry etched in his voice.

"Can you really not understand Malkiel?"

Malkiel wanted to shook his head but instead he just stopped walking when he saw how Serenity was backing away from him.

"You confessed and yet you didn't want a reply? You want me to just forget about it and go back to how we were before? Do you really think I could do that? You're hurting just as much as I do and yet all you could think about is me. I hate it. Don't be so selfless, it infuriates me."

Was it for his sake? Malkiel's eyes widened when he realized what made Serenity angry. She was as a matter of fact worried about him, maybe not because she could reciprocate his feelings but because they were friends and she of all people understands what it means to love someone you could not have anymore.

With the thought of Jace coming into the picture, Malkiel felt his whole body shiver.

While he was here thinking about how he could fix his relationship with Serenity. While everyone of their friends were helping and consoling him. Serenity was beside herself trying very hard to take in the fact that her first love have betrayed and left her.

He might not understand fully how hard and painful that might be, he was sure that it wasn't an easy thing for Serenity to accept. He remembered the feeling he felt when he discovered that Serenity had a boyfriend. He felt his very own heart tearing itself to pieces.

He was sure that Serenity was feeling more pain compared to him.

"How can I not? You're hurting too aren't you Serenity?"

Serenity didn't even need to answer his question. She just stood there looking at him directly in the eyes.

"I do want a reply, but I don't want one now, not when you're hurting. I don't want to be rejected that's why I told you that I don't want it."

Reject, Serenity's eyes widened. How can the rejection of Malkiel's feelings not cross her mind, not even once?

"I want to hope that there could be a chance but I don't want to look like a jerk who just waited for you and your boyfriend to break up before making my move. That's why, whatever answer you plan on giving me, please keep it for now. Sometime soon I'll confess again. But for now, what I really want is for you to be okay. And I really do want us to be like before. Because then, I'll have some right to comfort you even if it as a friend only"

It was right then that Serenity's feelings wavered again and the answers she had been looking for came in front of her like a storm in the middle of nowhere.

The reason why her breakup with Jace didn't hurt so much like it did when they were arguing. Why she wasn't as devastated as she should be for having her heart broken by her first love. Why she was confused and why she wanted to avoid Malkiel. Why she didn't hate his confession, why her heart fluttered that afternoon after he confessed. And why she never thought of rejecting Malkiel when that was what she should have done right after he told her his feelings.

Because by some intervention of fate, Serenity had already started to have the same feelings for Malkiel.

She was starting to like Malkiel already.

No, she does like him.