metulji - jan peteh

'I want you to love me, Jan Peteh'

After we'd done with food, we decided to head off to a bar. Luckily, we were nowhere near the place from last week, so I didn't have to worry about someone recognising me and laughing. I was already slightly tipsy from the prosecco we'd drank in the restaurant; Jan had a firm arm around my shoulders to support me in my heels. Even though they were only a few inches tall, I barely wore shoes like these to go out - partying was easier in platforms - so it was incredibly hard to walk. What I didn't mention was that I had done this on purpose - I was eager to feel safe in his arms, and I wouldn't get that opportunity anywhere else we went. My stomach had lurched initially when he'd steadied me; even though I'd expected it, the feeling of him on me had caused my breath to hitch.

We'd forgotten about the hotel situation, leaving that to sort out later. I was practically blabbering and I think he'd just given up trying to think rationally. Honestly, the dynamic worked - he was happy to listen and I was happy to blurt out all of my thoughts. I lost track of all the subjects I'd rushed through, and to be honest, he'd probably forgotten everything I'd said already.

Eventually finding a bar, we headed in to find a table. Jan didn't want to leave me by myself, so we left a few meaningless belongings on the seats we'd chosen, not enough for someone to want to steal but enough for people to know that they were occupied.

'What do you want?' he asked me. I gave him a you-already-know look, and he immediately understood.

'2 piña coladas.' he asked the bartender, putting a £20 note on the side. Once he'd moved off to make our drinks, Jan looked at me, smiling - 'I'm carrying them this time, okay?'. I decided not to object - I didn't exactly have a great track record with that drink. Yet last time had been so worth it.

'Don't act like you didn't enjoy it.' I giggled, remembering the unimpressed look on his face as we collided.

Once we were back at the table, the ambience settled. We were sat in a booth, so that we didn't have to deal with the awkwardness of looking across the table at each other. I had a strange feeling that maybe, just maybe, that might benefit us later.

'Cheers.' I announced, holding my drink to his. He looked slightly confused, but repeated it with me. 'Cheers.' We took a sip and then placed the drinks on the table. Leaning into him, my cheek resting on his bicep, I let out a big grin, making sure he couldn't see it. He put his arm around me as I shuffled around to made myself comfortable. This was where I felt safest.

I wish I had the guts tell him that.

'I wish I wasn't so busy with the band, I could see you more.' he started, gently stroking my arm with his hand.

'I mean, you won't be busy forever, right? I can come and visit once you're done.' I asked hopefully, praying that he was thinking of taking this further than a few dates. I wasn't exactly up to getting played again.

Silence plagued the air as he searched for an answer. I couldn't see his face, so I had no idea what he was thinking.

'Yes, something like that' he replied vaguely. Almost, well, secretively. I thought nothing of it, since his job could probably be super unpredictable, and he wouldn't always have free time.

I glanced up at him, but he looked worried. 'What's on your mind?' I queried, anxious as to why he was upset.

'It's nothing, Lilia.' he answered defensively. I quietened down and tried to relax into his arms, but they felt slightly more tense than before.

~0~

The night went by so quickly after that moment; he'd apologised for being so closed-off and mysterious, but still hadn't told me what the issue was. I didn't mind - I'd rather just spend the night with him without being serious at all. That was exactly what we did; he'd decided to take me onto the dance floor and, despite my unsteady feet, it hadn't taken long for me to find my balance and us to party like there was no tomorrow. I was unsure of how many beers he'd downed - like Sanjay, it didn't seem to show on him when he was losing his rationality. I, on the other hand, had been completely gone for at least a few hours now; it had only taken a few cocktails on top of what we'd drank in the restaurant for me to lose all of my thoughts.

'You're a great dancer.' I told him, slightly slurred but still clear enough for him to make it out, and then reply.

'You're not too bad yourself.'

'Not too bad?' I laughed. 'If we danced off right now, we both know who would win.'

'Me, obviously. You would fall over immediately.'

'No I wouldn't.' I argued unseriously. To prove him wrong, I brought out a few of my best moves. Yet, Jan was right - I tripped over the moment I started, toppling into him.

'You're going to break your legs if you keep falling for me.' he joked.

'Not if you fall for me first.'

'Lilia, that's not how that works - then we'd both just have broken legs.'

'But we'd both have fallen for each other, so it wouldn't matter.'

'Maybe I could fall for you, then.' he murmured gently into my ear, bringing me back onto my feet. His voice was low and soft, I could feel the little vibrations ripple through my head. The crowd wasn't there anymore, it was just me and him, slow-dancing. Savouring the moment, shutting my eyes, I sighed onto his shoulder, wanting to bury myself there.

'Maybe I've already fallen for you' I whispered, a smile creeping onto my face slowly. We spent a few moments there, me buried in his jacket, him resting his head on top of mine.

'Would it be wrong to kiss you right now?' I asked him genuinely, pulling away and looking up into his eyes. They welcomed me in; my attraction to him sunk deeper.

'No, I think it would be just right,' he looked down at me. I slowly closed my eyes, leaning in towards him. His breath felt hot on my face as I flushed bright red. We lingered there for a few seconds, inches away from each others faces, before we gave in to the temptation, unable to resist.

He closed the gap between us, kissing me slowly. It was soft and casual at first, but we quickly became desperate, my hands winding around his neck and his supporting my waist. In that moment, all I wanted was to be closer, pressing my body up against his as he struggled to catch me, despite the adrenaline. Distracted.

Eventually, we pulled away to catch our breath, the air cooling us down, the knot of butterflies in my stomach dissipating. I could scarcely form words, my heart felt ready to jump from my chest. One sentence was all I needed to get my thoughts across.

'I want you to love me, Jan Peteh.'