metulji - jan peteh

Tears

'So what exactly do you suggest I do? Just book a flight to Slovenia?' I huffed, throwing myself back into my chair. However invested Sanjay was in the situation, he was not helping in any way. Rather than coming up with ideas to get me back to Jan, he was instead coming up with date ideas for after I'd made my way to him.

'Why don't you try calling him?' he replied tiredly. I think my energy was wearing him out, given how suddenly hyper I'd become since I decided that this wasn't the end to my Liverpudlian adventure.

'Gotcha.' I replied, whipping my phone into my hand and unlocking it. I went into my phone app - where I saw missed call after missed call from the same number. 'God, he rang me a shit ton.' I recounted as I made my way down pages and pages of listings from Jan's mobile. 'That's him, there. Many times.'

'You deleted his number? That was it? Girl, don't act like you haven't just wanted him back for the last 3 weeks.' Sanjay crossed his arms smugly as he said this. 'She's in love.'

'I don't know what I thought it would fix, to be honest.' I admitted, knowing that, if I was really trying to get over him, I would have just blocked the calls. Maybe I knew that I'd go running back soon enough, so it was best to keep him contactable. Rather than putting too much thought into that, I hovered my finger just an inch above the call button, and mentally prepared myself.

'You really think this will do something?' I moved my hand away from the phone, placing it down on the arm of the sofa to rethink. Was this just an impulsive decision that would set me back in my healing process?

'It's worth a try.' he shrugged. That wasn't exactly a positive statement.

'And if he doesn't pick up?' I questioned further, not really wanting to think about that, but knowing it was a possibility I might have to deal with.

'Then you can try again in a few days. Or a few minutes, if you want to be as desperate as he was.' Sanjay sat back, like my questions were boring him - he knew just as well as I did that he wouldn't miss the call.

'And when he does pick up?' This was the possibility that scared me the most. What would I say? I knew that I would immediately choke on my words, or they would all just scatter around my brain like a broken jigsaw. The chances of me being able to make out a comprehensive sentence were next to none, never mind having a full conversation while we tried to sort everything out.

'It'll all just come to you naturally. I know that for a fact.' he comforted, taking my hand in his gently. I knew it was clammy in fear, but he didn't seem to care. 'You're going to be okay, Lil.'

'I'm not leaving the room.' I stated, picking my phone up and shaking out of pure fear. Before I had the chance to doubt myself further, I instinctively slammed down on the dial.

It didn't even ring.

'Hello?' I put the phone up to my ear. Although I thought that it was an awfully quick reaction, I didn't doubt Jan's speed in picking up the phone. Yet he didn't reply. 'Hello?' I said once more into the microphone.

Nothing.

I pulled the phone from my ear, and it had already returned to the previous screen.

'I knew that was too quick to be him.' I sighed. 'I must have ended the call early by mistake.'

'Try it again.' Sanjay commanded. And I did, with significantly less hesitance than before. I just needed to hear his voice now. The thought of waiting any longer made me feel ill.

Rather than putting the phone to the side of my face instantly, I felt the urge to watch the screen instead. Surely enough, it did the same again: put itself down without ringing once.