UNFORGIVEN (FORSAKEN #1)

the growing distance

The walk home is painfully quiet, with neither of us speaking a word.

Since we left school, Sunghoon hasn't let go of my hand. His grip is firm, almost too firm, and he holds onto my hand tightly as we make our way down the street. He has my bike in the other hand, tightly gripping the handlebars as we walk together. Despite the discomfort his hold on my hand causes, I can't bring myself to ask him to let go.

Every few minutes, he squeezes my hands tightly, making me wince in pain. I look at him, wondering what's going on in his mind. He seems lost in thought, and his expression doesn't reveal anything about what he's thinking either.

I wait for him to speak up, but my patience dwindles by the second. I come to an abrupt halt, causing Sunghoon to stop a few steps ahead of me. Though we're still holding hands, there's a noticeable distance between them, a distance that wasn't there before. My heart feels heavy as I watch him not meeting my gaze, my mind racing with a million questions.

Hoping to break the oppressive silence, I implore him to speak up. "Please, can we talk? I know what you're thinking, so just say it already." I need him to communicate with me; to lay his cards out on the table and be honest about what's eating at him.

Sunghoon takes a deep breath and then lets it out slowly. He finally turns to face me. His eyes are dark, and something in his expression just screams that he's both upset and frustrated.

"You want to talk?" he asks, his voice low. "Fine. I specifically told you to stay away from them. Especially him –"

"He has a name –"

"You promised you would stay away," he continues, ignoring me. "I told you to wait for me. But when I came out, you weren't there. You were with him. Thank God, I decided to look for you, otherwise –"

"Otherwise what? Hm? What would've happened?" I cut him off, my voice rising in frustration. "How dare you act like it's my fault. Who said they'd leave early so we could walk home together? Hm? 'Cause I sure as hell don't remember saying that."

Fury courses through me like wildfire, and I can tell that Sunghoon can sense it. He wavers for a moment, as if to say something. But I don't give him the chance, interrupting him before he can.

"As for what happened in the garden, it wasn't my fault either," I say, my voice sharp. "I went for a walk while waiting for you because I didn't know how long you'd be. And then I ended up in the garden, and Jaeyun was coincidentally there too. Literally nothing happ –"

"He was holding your hand –"

"I got hurt, look!" I wrench my hand from his grip and show him the scratch marks. "I got scratched by the cat, and Jaeyun, out of concern, simply wanted to check if I was okay. That's it."

He stays silent, his eyes fixed on the cut on my hand. His face shows a mix of deep thought and worry. Then, he slowly reaches out and holds my hand, surprisingly gentle compared to before. "Oh Kazu," he murmurs, his voice quiet and regretful. He brushes his thumb over the dry blood. "I'm sorry."

We just stand there, my hand in his gentle grip, like time has stopped. He keeps his eyes locked on the wound, and I can't help but stare at him, lost in our own thoughts. It feels like we're trapped in a game of freeze, as if someone tagged us and forgot to unfreeze us.

Time stretches on, and it feels like an eternity has passed before Sunghoon finally shifts his eyes away from my hand. His gaze drifts to the side, staring off into the distance. Curiosity gets the best of me, and I follow his gaze, only to realise that we're near my home. I was so lost in what he was thinking that I didn't even notice where we were going.

Sunghoon lets out a deep sigh, his eyes avoiding mine as he slowly turns towards me. He leans in and plants a gentle kiss on my cheek. "I'll see you tomorrow," he whispers softly. I watch in silence as he hands me back my bike, his movements slow and deliberate. He backs away and starts walking in the direction we had come from.

I'm at a loss for words, my mind racing to find the right words to say, but they elude me in that moment. I feel strangely adrift, as if the ground beneath my feet has suddenly given way.