UNFORGIVEN (FORSAKEN #1)

unexplainable feelings

I'm lying awake in bed, my mind racing with thoughts as my hand absentmindedly rubs against the texture of the plaster on my hand. My attention is drawn to the glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling above, which I can't help but find stupid and insignificant compared to the larger problems I'm grappling with.

"You promised me. I told you to wait for me."

I can't stop thinking about Sunghoon's words. They keep echoing in my mind, playing over and over again like a broken record. Every time his voice resurfaces, it feels like a punch to the stomach. This is the first time we've fought since we started dating, and that fact alone is daunting.

I'm suddenly struck by the harsh and hurtful words that I let slip from my lips during our argument. Regret washes over me like a tidal wave, guilt seeping through every inch of my being. It's a painful realisation that I can't undo the damage I've caused, and tears start to well up in my eyes, threatening to spill over onto my cheeks.

The taste of remorse lingers on my tongue, bitter and sorrowful. In a desperate attempt to stop the tears, I press my trembling hand against my eyes, as if preventing them from gushing out like a broken dam, but my attempts are futile. The tears keep coming, my body betraying me as I become more and more consumed by my emotions.

My thoughts whirl around, and a face pops into my mind, but it's not Sunghoon's anymore – it's Jaeyun's. His face dominates my thoughts, and my breathing catches in my chest as I picture him. I couldn't help but think of his soft brown eyes, the way they shimmer in the sunlight is captivating, entrancing, and the way his long lashes flutter like a butterfly's wings whenever he blinks. Every time his lips curl into a gentle smile, it feels like someone has triggered millions of flowers to grow in my chest.

But as quickly as his face comes to mind, it vanishes, leaving behind the sad look on Sunghoon's face. The memory of his disappointment is still fresh, and it makes my heart ache. The way his eyes avoid meeting mine as he says the word "sorry" makes me feel the distance between us growing.

I slowly lower my hands and take a deep breath, my eyes settling on circles of black that dissolve in the darkness. The glow-in-the-dark stars have lost their luminosity now.

I've finally stopped crying, but as I lay engulfed by the silence, guilt creeps insidiously into my heart. Why am I thinking about Jaeyun when I should be thinking of Sunghoon? I can't shake off the unsettling feeling that something is seriously wrong with me.

I let out a shaky breath, trying to calm myself down, but the guilt keeps plaguing me relentlessly. It feels like I'm betraying Sunghoon in some way, but I don't understand why. It's like my mind is playing tricks on me, making me question everything. Because what is it about Sim Jaeyun that's making me act like this?

I turn to my side, trying to break free from my thoughts, and eventually find a spot on my pillow that's not soaked with tears. I close my eyes and try to quiet my racing thoughts and drift off to sleep.