High School Drama

Chapter 1 - Starting High School

   Trigger warning (skip if you want): This story is very heavy. It contains alcoholism, drug abuse, toxic relationships (not just romantic relationships) and mental health struggles (I.E: depression, panic attacks, self harm, eating disorder, etc). If any of these topics are triggering or too hard for you to read about, please DO NOT continue reading! Viewer discretion is advised! Thank you enjoy reading chapter one of High School Drama!  

   It's my first day of high school. I looked around anxiously. What will everyone think of me? Is it going to be like in the movies? Why's everyone staring at me? I look so ugly right now. Thousands of thoughts ran through my head. "OUCH!" I immediately fell out of my trance. "Shit, I'm so sorry! Here, let me help you." We awkwardly picked up our things. "My name's Elle, what's yours?" She asked. "Uh, Jayce." Why does she care?  "Nice to meet you!" She smiled. Why is she being so nice to me? "Yeah, nice to meet you." I laughed awkwardly.

   "You're tall. So tall. Like what are you? Seven foot? I'm just joking. Your hair! It's so curly and pretty and those lashes! Like oh my god! I'm obsessed. And your skin is flawless like what's your skin care routine? So cute!" I gave her a weird look. "Oh, sorry I speak way too much I just can't stop talking! It's kind of a problem. Anyways, friends?" She smiled wide. I have to admit, I thought she was extremely weird. But so was I. "Yeah sure." I hesitated. "YAY! We're going to be such great friends! Oh my god, I HAVE to introduce you to Raven. We've been friends for like 9 years and you guys will definitely get along! Anyways I have to get to class so bye, FRIEND!" She winked at me. "Yeah. Bye." Is she always so ADHD? At least I have a new friend I guess.

   It was finally lunch time. I took a huge breath of relief once class was over, I couldn't wait to get out of there. As soon as I walked in I heard Elle scream "HI!" As loud as she possibly could across the lunch room. What did I get myself into?  Surprisingly, Elle's friend Raven was really cool. We bonded immediately. I usually never make friends this easily. "Thanks! I'm so glad I met you guys. I'm honestly surprised." My smile faded. "Why are you surprised?" Raven asked me. Should I be vulnerable with them? Should I tell them the truth? The truth that everyone usually thinks of me as the ugly, fat, mixed kid who doesn't belong. I don't even deserve friends, I'm just going to mess it up like I do everything.

   "Jayce? Hello!" Elle waved her hand at me. I awoke to reality. "Oh. Yeah, just that you guys are really cool and usually everyone sucks." I lied. "Yeah! Well we're glad we met you too." They smiled brightly. I picked at my food, thoughts running through my head rapidly. Sometimes if I let myself think for too long I fall into a depression. Usually followed by a panic attack. And then the whole world stops. I find that the voice comes along. The little voice in the back of my head that tells me everything that's wrong with me. And if I hear that long enough, I start to believe what it says. "Well, see you guys later! Bye Elle and nice to meet you Jayce!" I didn't even realize lunch was over. "Yeah, bye." I mumbled. I spent the rest of the day finishing school and when I got home I immediately ran to my room and went to sleep. That was a mistake. I woke up in the middle of the night and wasn't able to go back to sleep. All I could do was think, and I've already mentioned what thinking can do to me.

   The next few days I stayed with one routine. School, sleep, think, repeat. The only thing keeping me sane was my friends. It wasn't until a few days into school that things started to get better. I made two new friends. They were also coincidentally queer. It felt good to be around people like me. For once I didn't feel like an outcast. High school is so different from middle school. Nobody here cares if you're gay or black or unpopular, at least for the most part. There is still those stupid jocks who think they own the world, you know the same stereotypical type shit. They pick on me and my friends sometimes. I would tell a teacher or a trusted adult if I had any that actually gave a fuck. The teachers just want to get paid and my parents constantly yell at me about every little thing.

   I've learned one thing from my fifteen miserable years on this earth. There is no "safe," it doesn't exist. Even within my friend group, although we might look inseparable from the outside it's never that easy. I know eventually there's going to be drama. There's always drama in high school. Speaking of my friend group, my two new friends are Josh and Rebecca. Josh is super sweet and sometimes we even flirt a little bit, but it's definitely not going anywhere. Rebecca is the only other bisexual person in our group, it feels super comforting to have someone that understands me.

   As far as my grades, my homework has been pretty chill, but I assume that will change in a week or two. So far high school hasn't been as bad as I thought it would be. I still don't trust it. Every time things get good, it never lasts and then it gets even worse then before. I've known I was bisexual since the age of eight. I had a huge crush on Billy Loomis from Scream. I was obsessed. I had a great group of friends, my parents were loving and always around and I didn't have any worries in life. Everything was perfect. Or so I thought.

   My grandma was diagnosed with stage two cancer. She had been smoking the majority of her life from her depression (yes, my whole family is fucked up). I was extremely close with her and she was my world. When she died, a part of me died with her. I was never the same after that. My whole world came crashing down. That's when the self harm started. I don't know, maybe I'm just so fucked up I started believing the world is too.