High School Drama

Chapter 10 - Liars, Daddy Issues & Pain

   After the fire truck left with Raven, we all looked at each other with tears going down our faces. Her parents looked like they didn't give a crap about her leaving, and they immediately drove home. "God, I just wish she would have told us how she was feeling! We could have helped her." Elle cried. "I do too, but we shouldn't stay in the "what if's". There was nothing more we could have done!" Rebecca urged everyone. "How the hell do you or any of us know what more we could have done? None of us even knew she was suicidal." I yelled, angrily. "Well not all of us were totally oblivious!" Josh yelled. "What is that supposed to mean?" I asked him, confused. "Well, I had a feeling she was suicidal, and I asked her, and she tried to deny it but eventually she told me she was." He explained. "When did all of this happen?" I asked, angry. "After you left when you had a panic attack." She told me.

   "What the fuck is wrong with you? Why didn't you tell us? You're a goddamn liar, you know that? First you lied about us having sex and then you lied to me about going to that party and now you just caused my best friend to go to a mental hospital!" I was furious. I started pushing him with anger, on the verge of tears.. "Jayce I didn't mean to. I just wanted to-" I yelled, "No. Save it. We're done. I never want to see you again, you're fucking dead to me." I held back the tears in my eyes. "You don't mean that." He cried. "Yes I do. I hate you, I hope you drop fucking dead." I yelled.

   "You know what, it's always about you Jayce! Oh, I'm James, I have drug and alcohol issues, I just had a panic attack, I have so much school work, I HAVEN'T EATEN IN SIX DAYS. Yeah, you thought nobody noticed? I could tell that you haven't been eating at lunch." He mocked me. My heart froze. "That's none of your goddamn business Josh, and don't act like you're perfect either." I cried. "I never said I was but at least I'm not a suicidal piece of shit with daddy issues!'' I lost my shit, "SHUT THE FUCK UP!" I yelled angrily. I punched and hit him until my anger faded into depression. We both laid on the floor, bloody and crying. "Fuck this shit, I'm out. Never talk to me again." Josh yelped in pain, trying to get up. "Damn it! There goes my ride." Elle said in frustration. "You can ride with me and Rebecca" I told her. "I guess I don't have a choice!" She replied. We all got in the car and the whole car ride was quiet with music playing to hide the tension. I didn't want to exist anymore.

   How could Josh do this to me?  Thoughts ran through my head like a never-ending train. Time in the car felt like hours since it was so quiet and awkward. We got to Elle's house first. "Well goodnight, guys." Elle sighed. "Yeah, goodnight, Elle." Rebecca replied. "Goodnight." I told her, preoccupied. After that the car ride with me and Rebecca felt a little less tense. I was thinking about Raven and Josh, and I started to cry. I didn't want to but it just happened. I laid my head on her shoulder while she told me everything was going to be ok. My entire body clenched and all I felt was an unbearable pain.

    "You going to be okay tonight?" She asked. "Yeah, I just need to think." I told him. "Ok, that's fine just stay safe, goodnight." She waved. "Bye." I mumbled. When I got inside Josh my parents were totally oblivious to what just happened. "Son, are you okay?" My dad asked worried. "No. Me and Josh just broke up and Raven's still in rehab. I just want things to go back to how they were." I cried. My parents hugged me. I hate emotions but, in the moment, I couldn't hold back my tears. I was thinking about drinking and going back to my old ways. I knew Rebecca and Elle didn't deserve to deal with that though, I never want to make anyone feel like how I felt when Raven overdosed. But how am I supposed to feel okay without it?  That's when all the suicidal thoughts came rushing back. God am I ever going to be happy?