"FIRSTTT KHAOO HEREE" there was faint voice calling us out, I tried to look at the direction where it was coming from. It was Louis, shouting from afar giving a quick hand gesture to come here quickly "ow~ look how he's holding neo's hand" First said giving me a nudge on the shoulder, I just playfully gave him a side eye for fun and both of us walked towards the 'couples' direction "wahhh look at you guys still had time to wake up after that movie huh" neo was trying to light a small fire in the forest, I swear to God that guy "yeh- wait how do you know-" I was confused, I never told anyone about watching a movie and.. before I could say a word Louis whipped out his phone showing me "WAIT IS THIS MY PICTURE, DID U TAKE THIS IN THE MORNING" I look at First appalled and amused and THIS guy was trying to hold back his laughter "whaaat you looked like angle had a smooth landing on my sofa, I had to take a picture, ain't that right frienddd" First shot a glance at both neo and Louis who had pursed lips and eyes mockingly looking and other direction, grinning at each other "right right" Louis snickered.
I was just there dumbfounded while part of me inside was also smiling at the fact that he took my pic because . . . He thought I looked like a angel but the other part of me that was agitated and nervous. What was he trying to say, why did he think I looked like that. Fine sure if it was just a picture without context because I looked funny I wouldn't think much but "you looked like a fallen angel" why would he say that. . . I- I don't even know what to say, does he- no nonono no way he does. We just have been friends for very long that's all yeh. . . That's all nothing else- "okok now quit flirting with each other and get to the studios director is waiting" neo's voice bought me back to the ground but my heart was still heavy, the grueling pain won't subside but I had to put on a smile for them I don't want them to think I was troubled in any way, plus we have a meeting I would ruin everyones mood, we entered the meeting room and everyones faces were beaming with bright smiles so excited to do there work and discuss plots, but I couldn't I just- just couldn't help but feel this growing stab on my heart. It pained me to put on a fake smile, but for everyone I'm willing to do it i have to do it .
The rest of the meeting went ok, I didn't know what to say but First helped out recommending the movie we had watched brokeback mountain, I liked that movie even tho it's mature and pessimistic, I couldn't help but shudder a tear even though i still loved every bit of it and I hope First did to. We all head to the shabu spot, it was a very overlooked shabu stop and said to be the best one, when we entered the place, the site was itself magical instead of looking like sad dim place with no lighting and cramped seats where savory food is served it gave this warm homie feeling. Walls painted pastel dark blue and cream white beautiful show lights covers with money plant leaves and the long pipes dashed down each tables that take away the smoke that liberated from the food that was cooking.
We all sat on the round wide table that was among the most biggest ones, after all we had a lot of people. While waiting for the food everyone was on there phones, some making jokes laughing taking pictures, and so I took out my phone to check on Twitter, reading some comments ever so often looking at others and trying to laugh and soon after our food arrived. A good spread of meat , fried veggies and dips and my favorite crispy pork and Basil, they all watered my mouth I was so ready to dig in. Everyone got to grilling meat chatting and just enjoying each others company, I was eating the beef cut that dumb First kept in pilling on my plate "hey , hey why do you keep piling mine, your not gonna have any or what" I raised a question to him, I wasn't complaining I meann who doesn't want your c- I mean your friend to give you food "I like doing so" the words were quite honest so I just shut up and took what he gave me, I was scrolling through comment section for First's post he recently did "wahh First is so handsome, gosh I really wish he was mine" comments like these were quite normal, I have seen people bark in the comments. . . So I decided to look at the replies for that comment and-
"yeah so true but khaotung's always stuck to him like he's First's boyfriend or something" , "I know right like, and our First is so kind to obliged" , "yeah like please khaotung needs to back of a little" "okok we shouldn't talk more or they will kick us out" . . . . . I was shocked, a rush of anguish took over me and my chopsticks that I was ready to pick food with halted in the mid air, I couldn't move and my breathing went heavy, every part of my body was in dismay, It did even hit me until someone broke to me that my hands were shaking "i-i'm sorry i-, I gotta go" i couldn't dare to speak another word but when First tried to stop me, I looked at him and gave him the best forced smile I could have, I guess it worked because he let go of my hand and I rushed out.
...little did he know someone was lurking in the shadows, a unknown face watching every move Khao was making, his face hidden in the dark waiting. Just waiting....
He was heaving from panic, breathless from running anywhere away from people, khao went out to get his mind together, he couldn't breath properly. It felt like sharp fat needles were stabbing him, he knew if he stayed down here any longer he would be noticed or First would definitely come to find him, tung was looking everywhere to hide or leave and finnally he found a place were he could go to.... It was the dark staircase it led up to a abandoned terrace, tung followed the staris slowly not to slip or make a sound, he felt Paranoia Like some sort of eyes watching him but he didn't bother to look back he was afraid something might actually be there so he continued to climb up.
This undying disgust was recurring over and over inside him, he wanted to end everything, khaotung just wanted everything to disappear those unruly thoughts that desire everything, he finnally reached the top, it was a big open and dark terrace not pitch black but enough to bump and fall. He went to the edge of the terrace that showed the view of the open club signs and bars giving the area a even scarier look but that all didn't matter because those screeching, growling sayings around his head kept telling him things, things he wished they didn't tell him.
I'm I really that bad, ha what am I saying ofc I am, I keep pressuring first to do things with me and him being a good friends he just. . . Just lets me, I never asked if he wants to do anything I never- . . . . . . I'm so fucking stupid, a damn faggot. How could I have not known that I was being a fucking attention seeking whore that I was taking First all to my self, I can't even be a good friend, i- I can't, can't even be a good person.
Tears pare down tung's cheeks, the once so joyful and gleaming khaotung was now having the most hopeless eyes, the muscles of his face couldn't even form a expression. It pained for him to live, to think that what people and the fan's were saying.... was right, eyes closed he let his tears crawl freely, epinephrine was gushing in his body taking control of every part, heart beats getting fast, lungs trying to get more air, mind trying to stay focused. He was having a panic attack.
But that panic was about to get worst-
~ how- how is it about to get worse , who is watching Khaotung, where is first , will khaotung be. . . . . Alright?? ~
U-thors-note
Sorry this chap is a bit late >< I got a little lazy and I was at my cousins , they kept asking be what I'm writing and how do I tell them "shut the fuck up" (' . .̫ . ') welp I hope u liked it tho , take care my capybara's drink wutaaa.
YOU ARE READING
What Is Love.
RomanceHe was desperate to open up his own chapter of love but some part of him is still not ready will he be able to fullfill his wish , his desire to be in love to feel loved and love someone, will khaotung be able to do it, Will first obliged. . . . . I...
