Shame (TP Link x F.Reader)

Damned

It's been a couple of days since what happened at Lake Hylia. Link was still mad at me, but he went about his normal routine of helping me regardless. He came and sat with me sometimes... it was just in complete silence. Eventually he did say something.
"You're not going to tell me what's going on, are you?" He sounded almost sad.
I hesitated but I answered truthfully.
"No." I heard him huff. He got up and he headed for the door.
"Link." I called and I heard him pause.
"I think it's best if we ended things right here. I don't see them getting better." I said, my voice strained and a tear ran down my cheek. He didn't reply and I heard him leave. He hadn't been back since.
Now I sit alone in my shop. I spent the last few months trying to rebuild what I had intentionally destroyed and now I have to watch it all burn again. I think it's best if I leave well enough alone with the outside stuff. I just need to take care of what needs to be done. Me and my confession.
I've been trying to work up the nerve. Be brave. It was terrifying, but necessary. I was tired and I could feel myself numbing about the situation. I found myself not caring about the reputation it would bring me or what would happen to me in general. I would actually find it lucky if the princess sentenced me to death or life in prison. At least then I'd either be isolated from everyone else or not live long enough to hear the horrible things about me. Jerik's ghost had been lingering, but not tormenting me like he had before. He was just... watching.
It was nearly sundown when I had finally worked up the nerve. People had retired to their homes. The gate was about to be closed. The day was about to be over. At least for most. I was about to make the Princess's day that much longer and stressful. The important thing was that Link was to be getting off his shift soon and retiring to whatever he did at night. Now was my time. I headed towards central castle town and approached the guards standing by the gate headed towards the castle.
They stopped me.
"Visitors to the castle past curfew is forbidden." The rest guard said.
"I have extremely important information the princess must hear right now." I told them.
"Well it'll have to wait until the morning." The right one said.
"It can't wait. It's an emergency." I told them firmly.
"We'll determine if it's an emergency or not." The right soldier said.
"It's a life or death situation." I said really not wanting to get more into it with these people. They looked at each other now seeming to take this more seriously.
"What's your business?" The left one asked.
"I have important information about the death of Jerik Consler." I said and took a deep breath. They looked at each other again but this time a little more frantic. The right one nodded and the left one ushered me through.
"Follow me. I'll escort you through." He said and I nodded following quietly. He led me down the grand corridor that lead to the castle courtyard. I could feel my heart beating out of my chest. I was starting to regret, but there was no going back now. I had to follow through.
We made it to the 2nd pair of guards guarding the courtyard entrance. The guard escorting me whispered in one of their ears and he nodded letting us pass. I continued to follow. I marveled at the courtyard. It was big and it was beautiful. The grass was even more luscious than the grass I'd seen in Hyrule Feild. This grass was intentionally cared for and you could tell. They had sculpted bushes and trees  with garden statues decorating the scenery. I didn't get to see much of the courtyard before my escort dragged me passed more guards that was guarding the entrance to the castle. The castle was something to be marveled at even more. Tall ceilings and stained glass windows. Rugs that were cleaner than the clothes I wore. Light fixtures made of gold with candles made from the finest wax. Painted pictures adorned the wall of Royal's past and they were framed with jewels. I felt like I didn't belong. Out of place. And I was. Even more so for my reason of being there. I could tell there were way more hallways and stairwells to explore, but the guard led me to a striaghtshot to the throne room. He opened the door ushering me inside where two more guards followed. The walked me down a long blue rug that led straight to the throne. We stopped just before it with a few feet distance.
"Wait here." They told me and I nodded looking to the floor. They backed up but maintained a few feet distance.
The seconds stretched on for what seemed like hours. Time itself felt like slow motion. I felt like I was damning myself to eternal suffering and... maybe I deserved it. I wasn't sure anymore. Though I know it was never my intention to kill Jerik, I know I couldn't justify my actions any longer.  I could feel my spine cracking under the pressure. I was about to buckle just from sheer anticipation.
Then there was the sound of heels clicking. They got louder before they appeared just in my line of sight but veiled by the fabric or a white and pink petticoat under a dress. I gulped as I instintively lowered myself farther in respect.
"Please rise." The soft voice then said. My legs lifted me but my gaze was left to the floor. I couldn't.
"What is your name?" The princess asked me.
"(Y/n) (L/n), your Highness." I said politely crossing my hands in front of me.
"Oh. You are the potions maker." She stated and I nodded. "Forgive me. I did not recognize you with your change in appearance."
"It's alright. I know it is a drastic change." I said running my hand over my hair. "I also know it has been many years since we had last spoken."
"Yes. My condolences on the passing of your father." She stated respectfully. "Do not take this in offense because I only mean it in the most affectionate way, but when I see your face bare to me like this, it greatly shows your resemblance to your father."
"Thank you, princess." Was all I could manage. I didn't like my father being presented to me when I'm about to confess to murder. I could feel how disappointed he would be in me. The shame I would bring. He was rolling in his grave. I could feel it.
"It it nice to see you again and I'm glad for your recovery." Her voice walk silk. "I am told that you claim to have information of Jerik Consler. Augustin Consler's son?"
I gulped again, but focused on the easing nature of Princess Zelda's voice. I nodded. "Yes, Princess. I do."
"May I ask something of you?" She seemed to speak softer.
"Of course." I didn't hesitate. I bowed deeply to her.
"I ask that when you speak to me, please look at me in the eyes." She said my chest tightens. The floor was my only grounding. I slowly lift myself back up and hesitantly look up at her. She was waiting for my gaze with a soft smile. Her face was porcelain and her frame fair. She wore no makeup like usual and yet her skin remained flawless. Her hair was pouring down her shoulder like a golden river. Very different from when it is usually tied back into a braid with hair framing her face. Now is freely flowed. I must have caught her just before she was preparing for bed.
My eyes were so distracted that I almost immediately missed Link standing just behind the Princess's throne to her left. She was so breathtaking that her presence over shadowed his. My heart sunk. He wasn't supoose to be here. By the looks of it, he was close to not being here. He wasn't in his uniform or chainmail. He wasn't even wearing any shoes. He only wore his casual off white night tunic the was cross laced at the front opening of the collar and tan brown cotton woven pants. He carried his sword with him as a precaution. His face showed nothing but confusion as his eyes darted between me and the Princess.
This was going to be painful. More painful and humiliating than I could have imagined. The one person I didn't want to be here was about to bare the horrible truth that I was about to speak. I could pass out at any moment.
"I-I apologize for disrupting your even routine." I couldn't stop myself from stuttering. She only shook her head.
"It is quite alright." She gestured a hand out to me. "The importance take precedence. Please, you have my attention."
I nodded and gulped. Shifting my weight. The feeling was eating me alive. I looked to the ground again.
"I... I don't know h-how to say this."I felt like I was choking on air. "I... I'm so s-scared..." I admitted and I think that was the first time I had even uttered that statement. Sure fear had always been evident in my face and behavior, but I don't think I had ever said it out loud.
"It's okay. Look at me." I reluctantly looked back up to her again. Her ungloved hand was placed over her chest. She was slowly breathing deeply in and out, demonstrating what I needed to be doing. I mimicked her movements.  Just the fact that she was helping me gave me solace. She gave me a few moments to settle myself.
"Speak freely and truthfully and everything else will come naturally." She said with a nod. I looked at her and then at Link. His nervous eyes also settled as he just held a face the remained focused as he watched me. When my eyes met his, it didn't hold any anger. I think he knew he was about to get answers he's been dreadingly waiting on. He only gave me a nod with confidence to continue. The only thing I could think to do was rip off the bandage. Make the suffering stop. Cut right to the point and not drag it out with a story. It wouldn't matter in the end anyway. If she had questions then she'd ask. The point was to just put it out there. Get it over with. I couldn't take it anymore!
"I murdered Jerik Consler." There. It was out there. I immediately felt the weight lift on my chest. There was silence. The Princess's face held stone neutrality with slightly widened eyes. Link's mouth a slightly agape while his eyes still held intense focus. It looked as if his brain couldn't process what just left my mouth. They both were seemingly trying to process this information. I think they knew they were going to be getting big news, but I doubt either of them were expecting this. I could hear the knight guards behind me shift. I had almost forgotten they were there.
"I have to admit this was unexpected." The princess stated after blinking a few times. Just the sound of her voice seemed to have broken a spell of tension in the room and it relaxed a bit. Even Link had gone back to his focused demeanor though now more uncertain. "I'm sure you know that some questions are due for an explanation."
"Yes, you're Highness." I said sadly. The fear was gone and the emotions were starting to set in.
"First, let's start with how you did it." She sated and her voice went strictly flat. She was looking for information alone right now. A completely analytical brain. Empathy would now be an after thought.
"I.... I stabbed him.... many times." I muttered. I didn't know what to say other than that.
"Yes. What led to that and how he ended up how he did?" She asked.
"U-um... I don't know how to properly explain without starting from the beginning." I said softly.
"Do what you need to." She said and gestured to one of the guards. "Please bring some tea and a chair."
The guards behind me both nodded and left together to do as they're told.
"There. Something tells me we'll be here awhile and a little more privacy is needed. Go on." She said and I began my long story.
"To condense it a bit... Jerik and I were in a relationship. It was fine at first, but quickly turned south once I started relying on his help to run the potion shop after my father had passed. His true colors started to show. To put it simply... it wasn't good." I sighed.
"What to you mean by 'It wasn't good'" she asked. "Clarify, please."
"Um well... he was controlling and jealous. He absolutely hated when I talked to anyone that wasn't him, despite him going and meeting up with other women. He... had a temper. He would lash out sometimes. Yelling, breaking things...but that was mostly the extent of it until..."
"Until?" The princess encouraged.
"One day, after an interaction... um... with Link...when he was coming to pick up the castle order-" I saw the Princess's eyes flick in Link's direction, but quickly focus back on me. "- he completely lost it. Link and I had always only been friends, but Jerik had insisted that we were secretly engaging behind his back. He was especially jealous of Link, so when Link had left after getting the order he..." I cleared my throat a little as I tried to gather how to describe what I wanted to say. "He umm... he grabbed my neck.... and he started choking me." I said as let out another breath. Their face remained the same and unwavering, so I continued. "He threatened to kill me if I spoke with Link again, so I didn't...not outside of business anyway. Jerik had always threatened me, but I always took it as nothing short of temper tantrums. Empty words, but after that day... well he put the fear of Din within my very soul. I was scared to even face him again. That night after he did that... I didn't even get off the floor. I just stayed there... crying." I felt my lip tremble a bit and looked at the ground again to find my strength.
"I isolated myself from my friends and tried to go on. They had always told me Jerik was no good and I knew that, but they didn't understand... and I couldn't tell them how I was trapped there. Long story short is that was the start of me living in fear. I couldn't sleep or eat, but I could work so I did, but it was taking a tole on my health. No amount of potions were helping. Jerik hadn't even noticed. All he knew is that our relationship had gotten better and I had gotten more tolerable to him.... it didn't matter if i was wasting away...Link had finally confronted me on the situation. Being the good friend he was, he offered me a way out, despite not even knowing what I was dealing with. He was just worried and that was all. I don't think he even realized he gave me a way out just by stating how he felt." I said and my eyes shifted back up to look at Link who was now looking at me with sad eyes. The princess didn't comment  but ushered me to continue.
"I had to act on this. I finally had the confidence and strength to free myself from his toxic relationship, but... what I didn't know is that Jerik had other plans." I said and now the fear was starting to return. "Um... Jerik had decided to take me out for a picnic the day after I had decided to end our relationship. He had gotten his coach and I had packed the food and we went out to Lake Hylia."
The princess leaned forward in her seat a bit. Now was the time to pay close attention.
"He wanted to surprise me... he even had borrowed one of his friends boats." I said my voice was starting to waver. Princess Zelda was nodding along almost seeming like she was adding up the dots to the story to match the information she has been given in her own research on the matter.
"We were out in the middle of the water when um... Jerik had pulled out a ring.... " my voice broke as I was getting overwhelmed. " he wanted to propose but...I couldn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to be trapped in a horrible life with him when I was so close to being free!" I said and a tear fell from my face.
"You rejected him." The princess concluded and I nodded. "What did he say then?"
"H-he... he got angry... very angry. Angrier than I had ever seen him or thought was possible." I said and I had a hard time getting myself to speak the next part. "He... again... accused me of being with Link. He... told me that he was sick of Link taking what was his and to shut up because... Link couldn't save me so there was no point in fighting." My voice trembled as squeezed my legs together and crossed my ankles.
"Fighting what, (y/n)? What did he do?" The Princess's voice resounded and I looked up at her with me tearful eye before it shifted to Link's again. His expression was staring me down with just pitiful eyes. I didn't break eye contact with him when I spoke.
"He ripped my dress and forced himself on me." I finally breathed out. "Jerik had raped me of my virtue, right there in that boat." I was fully crying now. "I had no where to run...I... he... it was so painful. He hit my face everytime I cried out and he was... he had his hands choking me.... I knew he was going to kill me. He never stopped taking me though." Link's eyes closed, like it physically pained him to hear what I had to say. I saw one tear slip from his eyes as his head dropped.
I could feel the humiliation biting at my skin almost like I was standing there naked. I could feel the sting between my legs almost like blood was leaking from me and running down my legs right in front of the princess and Link. It felt like the bruises were exposed for everyone to see. It felt like the act of Jerik's depredation on me was happening right in front of them and I felt disgusted.
"I - I tried to fight... I really did, but..." I choked on my own sob. I felt bile rising to my throat. "If it wasn't for the bird distracting him then I wouldn't have had the chance to escape." I said curling into myself a bit.
"How... how did you escape." The princess said softly. I looked up and she was leaning her head against her hand with two fingers pressed against her temple and her thumb leveraging the weight against her cheek. She looked emotionally exhausted just hearing the story up until this point.
"I had packed some carving knives for the beef loin I made the day prior for our picnic. I managed to reach them when he tried to swat the bird away and let me loose. I had stabbed him in the neck... then in the chest.... then in the stomach..." my eyes glazed over a bit as I could see myself committing the act over again. It haunted me.  "...over and over again." My voice trailed off. The guards had come back with a chair that he had sat behind me while the other held the tray of tea beside the princess, though I doubt either of us wanted it now. She hardly even acknowledged them with a thank you. "I... was covered in his blood." The princess had pinched the bridge of her nose and then used her fingers to rub her eyes. It wasn't the usual flawlessness and poise everyone was use to seeing. Now she looked human rather than like a goddess and she looked tired. I could physically see what I was saying was making her head hurt.
"Go on. I'm listening." She said as she grabs a cup of tea from the tray. She points to the chair and I sit actually feeling relief in my legs. I didn't realize how tired they were because now they felt like jelly. "Would you like some tea?"
"No thank you." I said politely sniffing as I tried to compose myself now from my crying fit. "A handkerchief then?"
That I gladly accepted. I did my best to clean my face. I didn't understand why she was treating me so kindly after I just told her I killed someone.
"I was panicking and losing my sense of reality after that and I had lost balance in the boat and capsized it. We and everything else fell into the water. I had swam back to the side of the lake near Lanayru spring and tried to get a hold of myself. It didn't due much good because I ended up just emptying my stomach into the water." I said calming down. I could feel myself numbing out as my voice held dull exhaustion now. "I walked all the way back to Caslte Town. It was close to sundown when I arrived back home." I said with a sigh leaning back in my chair. The princess sniffs and sighs as she readjust in her chair.
"Well I think the next question is clear." She said and takes a sip of her tea. "Why didn't you immediately come to us when this occurred?"
I had let out an unintentional bitter laugh. "You know just as well as I what happens when a lower class woman like myself cries out against a man, especially one of noble stature like Jerik. It's the same reason I never turned him in when he physically attacked me the first time. I would have been prosecuted and even if I managed to be free I would have been socially executed. I would be treated worse than a prostitute. I would be seen as more disgusting than the rats." I told her. "I was already scared because of what I had just done, but confessing would have sentenced me into a life of suffering and loneliness. No man would want to marry a woman who has been tainted... even if it wasn't my fault. Ironically, I think they would care more about that than the fact that I killed him. It wasn't worth throwing everything away."
"Then what made you come today?" Zelda asked.
"My mental state couldn't take it. I was suffering daily. It's like I could see Jerik's ghost everywhere I went. My guilt was eating me alive and frankly I would have rather been dead than suffer anymore... and thats what I tried to do." I said and I looked at Link again who eyes were straining to hold back tears as they appeared puffy and red. "I tried to kill myself because I couldn't live with myself anymore, but I still couldn't gain the courage to confess what I had done to preserve my image to the ones I love." Zelda's posture had straightened at this information.
"You... tried to take your own life?" She asked. I nodded. "And you were unsuccessful, obviously."
"Yes... I overestimated the strength of the water pipes in my ceiling. They weren't able to hold my weight when I attempted to hang myself from them. They buckled and I had hit my head at some point. I'm not entirely sure. I had already gone unconscious at that point." I explained rubbing the healing scar on the back of my head as I could already feel it aching.
"Who helped you?" She asked and her face took on one that seemed irritated now.
"Link." I said nodding towars Link and I could see his demeanor change to one of shame. "He immediately took me to the doctor's medical clinic. They were able to save my life, but not my memory. I was unconscious for awhile, but Link took care of me. When I woke up I couldn't remember anything past the time Jerik has first attacked me. It's like I had been thrusted back in time to redo things, but I had no idea what had already happened and I was left to fill in the blanks... which is another reason it took me so long to come down here. I just didn't remember until recently." I said. "These last couple of days my memory has been restored and I had been working up the nerve to come and confess my sins.... it was the only thing left that I haven't tried." I said with a final sigh. That was my story.
She sighed as well and set down her cup on the tray. She hummed to herself as she thought. "I have to admit, (y/n), you have revealed many answers to me, but now the situation is quite complicated." She says. "I need time to ponder and process the information you have given me today. I also would like to gather more information from other sources before I decide the next course of action."
I nodded. "I understand, Princess."
"But I'm sure you know I cannot just let you walk free after your confession tonight." She says with a more serious tone.
"Yes. I'm aware." I said slacking my shoulders a bit.
"You will be put in a holding cell in the dungeons until I have reached a decision on your conviction. I will ask the guards to try and make it as comfortable as possible for you, as gratitude for your cooperation and forthcoming, but I cannot promise much." She states and I nod. "I understand. That is enough. Thank you." She nods and stands to her feet.
"If you two will please escort (y/n) to holding cell 8 in block B, please. Please have someone bring proper bedding down there and some fresh water." The princess commanded and they bowed with a simple 'yes princess' as a response. "Link, come with me. You and I need to have a word." She commanded before power walking out of the room with Link following, but not without giving me one last look.
The guards put their hands on my shoulders and ushered me to turn around and move forward. They stayed on each side of me as they escorted me down to the dungeons.