Shame (TP Link x F.Reader)

Done

I sat in my room on my bed nervously ringing my hands. My knee bounced up and down as I tried to keep myself together. I was already squeezing my legs together tightly. Renado sat in front of me patiently waiting and drinking tea that the maids have brought him. He was a tall man with dark tanned skin and dark brown locks. He wore shaman robes and he had a leather skinned bag. He had a kind demeanor and he had smile lines around his mouth and eyes. He wasn't elderly but you could tell age was now becoming a prevalent factor in his life. It was that or perhaps prolonged exposure to the sun. Either would have the same effect on the skin. He brought his daughter with him. She was perhaps 11 or 12 in age. Her hair was black and cut into a bob. She stood politely behind her father quietly. She had a mature aura about her for her age.  Her name was Luda.
Link stood beside me silently with his arms crossed and Princess Zelda sat on the other side of me in a chair across from Renado. I didn't necessarily feel comfortable with Link and Zelda being there, but I know I'd feel worse if I was alone with Renado.
"This is very good." Renado said sipping the tea. "Thank you, Princess."
"It is no problem, Mr. Renado." The princess said lifting her hand in dismissal.
"Luda, this seems like something you'd enjoy." Renado says turning to her and handing his cup to her. Her face brightens a bit as she takes the tea from her father and sips it herself. She hums in delight and nods in agreement. "I like it. Thank you."
"Go on. You may have the rest." Renado says to her.
"You don't want anymore?" She asked and Renado simply shakes his head and gesrures for her to keep it. Luda holds the cup closer to her as she sips it. "Thank you, father. Thank you, Princess." She says and they both just nod to her.
"Mr. Renado, As I understand you are good friends with Link, here." Zelda said gesturing to Link who nods with a slight smile.
Renado nods with confirmation. "Yes. During the invasion of Twilight a few years back, he had freed Kakariko Village from it's hold. I had watched over the Ordon children at the time, while he completed his journey across Hyrule."
"Yes. So I have been told." Zelda crosses her legs. "So I trust you understand why I had asked you here today?"
He nodded again. "I believe I understand on a surface level, but-" his gaze turns to me. "-I would much prefer I understand better from the source herself."
I frowned a bit as sunk into my spot a little more. I gripped my fingers tightly.
"I... I don't know what you could possibly want to know that the princess didn't already tell you." I said and he adjusted in his seat.
"From a medical aspect, I don't need any additional information. You'd be correct, Princess Zelda has covered her basis on that front, but I don't know much about you." He said. "I believe to have a comfortable experience, it's better to have a sense of trust. I understand with your experiences you are probably quite wary of just that."
"Yes. I am." I said my rigid posture not letting up.
He nodded in understanding. "Well, I'm sure you've already heard this plenty, but I'd like to reiterate it personally. Nothing has to happen here today. No examination or anything of the sort. At any point you may put an end to our meeting if you feel too uncomfortable to continue. Does that sound like a reasonable agreement?'
I nodded. "Yes. That sounds perfectly fine."
"Good. Let's start with just getting to know each other. You may ask me anything and I will answer." Renado said leaning back in his chair and clasping his fingers together. I sat silently for a moment before just asking simple questions.
"How long have you been a Shaman?"
"About 30 years. I started when I was a boy and was officially under supervised medical practice when I was about 13 years of age." He seemed proud of this.
"You've brought your daughter with you. She is learning as well?"
"Yes. As a matter of fact she is. She has obtained a passion for it. Though her accompanying me here today is due to her having no one to look after her while I am away. Her mother has long since passed and many of the villagers have either fallen in the attack from the Twilight or have moved from the village. There aren't many residents left."
"I'm sorry to hear that." I sigh sadly.
"That's quite alright. A good learning experience this will be." He said smiling at Luda who smiled back but remained silent.
"You think so? My situation... is quite dark for a child. A young girl especially." I muttered and Renado nodded.
"I can see how you would feel that way. Luda has matured greatly, especially since the attack on our village. She has already had to endure dark realities since she was young. As a parent I want to protect her from these things, but I know I can't forever. I can only prepare her for what she may encounter in the future. I had a private discussion with her before arriving here. I believe it is important for her to know the dangers of the world, including ones specifically due to the fact she is a young girl that will become a young woman some day." Renado took on a more serious look as he explained this. "That being said, as a future healer I also want her to understand the emotional fragility some may have when dealing with a traumatic situation. She already has some experience in this. I want her to know proper bedside manners and effective care. Luckily there isn't much I have to teach her in that regard, for it comes to her naturally." He was proud of Luda. It was clear.
"I see." I could see the man meant every word. He wanted his daughter to prosper and help others thrive as well. "May I ask what you know about the female body?"
"That is another good question. I know much. I trained under my mother who exposed me early to the complicated nature of women's bodies. How symptoms may come across one way, but mean another. She made it clear the first thing she wanted me to master was how to care for pregnant women and know how to successfully and efficiently deliver babies. Delivering my little sister under my mother's instruction was my first real test and then it moved onto others. I have prevented many heart attacks in women and I can proudly say that I do have a good track record. There has been very few that I was unable to help."
"What are those few?" I asked and Renado seemed a little taken aback by this one.
"Well... there was an older woman. A shop keeper in Kakariko Village. During the invasion of twilight, she somehow was possessed by this Twilight from the monsters that attacked. It deformed her. Turned her into a monster just like them. I tried my best, but I had never seen anything like that before. I couldn't even begin on what to do. She was too far gone from what I could understand." He said.
"The Twilight Invasion was a unique situation. That is not something that typically happens to common people on an everyday basis. What people have you lost under normal situations?" I asked and he sighed.
"Well, if I'm honest, I'd have to say the most prevalent situation I can think of is the one regarding my wife." He said taking on a solemn tone. "As I said she has long since passed. Luda was a small child... She was sick. Pneumonia. Something that I had seen plenty of times before. I had treated many people with this illness. I was not concerned. However, my treatments weren't effective. She wasn't getting better. Only worse. She was constantly vomiting and had debilitating stomach pain. She was getting weaker every day. I kept treating her for Pneumonia, thinking she also had a combination of an aggressive strain of flu. It didn't help. It took me way too long to realize that she actually had Dysentery. I had misdiagnosed her, but by the time I realized it was too late. She was beyond what I could do and she died a few days later."
"I'm sorry for your loss." I said. "Perhaps my questions are too invasive."
"Your questions are understandable. It is my choice what I would and would not like to share. I am not secretive about my own personal experiences. I believe they hold great knowledge and I have learned a lot from each one, even if it caused me great pain. I believe others can learn from my experiences as well, which is why I think communicating is important in all topics, including shameful and painful." He said with a soft smile. "May I ask some things about you now?"
"Oh... okay. What do you want to know?" I asked.
"Hmm... what do you do for work?" He asked and I looked confused at him. Work? Why did he care about that?
"Um... I make potions. Health, Stamina, sleep, strength, tonics, whatever... oh and occasionally recreational things too if I'm asked." I said and he nods.
"Oh. You own a potion shop. You know much about people's health then? Do you practice medicine?" He asked and I shook my head.
"No. My father did though. He taught me about the potions and their different uses, but I never had any interest in treating the sick, just making potions to help out. We were one of the few legs standing when that plague broke out awhile back." I said.
"Yes. I can believe it. I'm sure the entire kingdom was relying on those potions." Renado said. "Your father must be quite upset about these events you find yourself in. Why not let him examine you since you are so reluctant?" Renado asked.
"My father has died a couple of years ago, but even so I don't think I could bare the shame of having my father preform such a thing. It would crush him and humiliate me. I actually would just prefer a woman to do the exam." I said firmly. "I also think that may be conflict of interest in Princess Zelda's investigation."
"That seems understandable. If Luda was old enough I would let her take the reigns on such a task, but I'm afraid she is not at that point quite yet." Renado said. "Let me ask you. How do you feel about me examining you, now that you've heard about me?"
I shift a little. "Well... I don't feel as scared. You seem really nice and have an understanding of how I feel and how my body works... but I'm not sure thats enough for me to let you overstep into my personal space." I said honestly.
Renado nodded as he processed what I said. "That's definitely a difficult bridge of trust to rebuild. I'm unsure that I can do that for you. I can only do as much as what you allow me to. I know that this experience leaves an unrepairable feeling of violation. I can't ask you to break down your wall of comfort for my sake. I have no right." He said. "But... perhaps you would be open to hearing a similar experience of a patient I had quite some time ago? I will not be revealing any of their identifying information such as their name or origins, but this experience may give some insight."
"Alright." I said. "Go on. I'm listening."
"A young man had been brought into the sanctuary perhaps... 6 or 7 years ago. Some of the villagers had found him near a cave stripped of most of his clothing and nearly beaten to death. He was 16 years old at the time." Renado started and I already didn't expect his story to include a man as the victim. "It took him weeks to heal enough for him to regain consciousness. During that time I did preform an examination on him. I'd like to point out that I had previously preformed examinations on 2 other women before, but never on a man, so I had to make some assumptions until he was conscious and could tell me what happened. The examination did conclude that this man had indeed been not only raped and beaten into submissions, but by multiple perpetrators."
"What?! You're joking!" I exclaimed. Just the thought made me queasy. "I didn't even know men could do this to each other."
"If it is within the realm of possibility then I wouldn't discount it." Renado stated. "I had come to this conclusion by the wounds throught his body and some of the bodily fluid left behind. It was just not possible for this to be the doing of one person. Of course when the young man finally awoke he didn't want to speak a word about this. In fact, he had threatened me into silence about it."
"After you helped him, he threatened you?" I asked and Renado nodded. "I do not blame him. He spoke about shame. What kind of man could let himself be taken by another man. He compared himself to a woman and said he felt like he was stripped of everything that made him who he was. He felt weak and emasculated. No doubt he'd be treated as such if people were to find out. He said he'd rather die then live with the societal shame."
"That's... that's how I feel... but different. I don't feel emasculated, but I still feel stripped of everything. I feel like my body isn't my own and like other's have the right to use me how they want. I feel like I'm not worth anything anymore. I have nothing to give anymore because I'm disgusting now. Tainted and no man wants a woman who's already been defiled." I couldn't help the waver in my voice and the small tears down my face. " I heard one woman say that it was like walking into a disgusting poor house public toilet... Is that what I am? Am I like a fowl toilet?"
"No." Link had spoken suddenly and I looked up at him with tearful eyes. He only looked back with a firm stare, but said nothing else. I look back at Renado. "It certainly feels that way. Knowing this about myself makes me want to destroy my own body, so this can't happen again. I know the feeling of rather dying than living with the reality. It's not worth anything anyway and I also have blood on my hands. My life has been ruined beyond repair. Even if I am found innocent I will be shunned from society as a whore and murderer."
"I've always disliked Castle Town for that very reason." Renaso says humming. I looked at him and sniffed.
"What are you talking about?" I asked.
"Your way of thinking. It's such a... Castle Town mindset. I think you'll find that many smaller villages like Ordon or Kakariko do not share this mindset. They do not hold value on money or superficial things the same way Castle Town does. They do not hold grand events that requires dress codes. They do not have societal pressures based of class of people. They don't rush through life and waste all their years trying to make ends meet for thier families." Renado waves his hand as he lists off these different things. "They certainly will not view you as a monster or in any type of distaste for protecting yourself. That prejudice I found is strictly in Castle Town, specifically amongst the middle and upper class. I promise you won't find such thinking in any of the villages within the other provinces."
"Really?" I asked wiping my tears away.
"Really." Link chimed in again this time with a small smile gracing his lips.
"Is that something you perhaps would like to consider?" Zelda now chimes in with this question. "If you'd like to move away from Castle Town to avoid harassment then I think that can be easily arranged."
"I... I don't know. I've lived in Castle Town my whole life. I don't know anything else." I was unsure.
"I think you'll find it's like a breath of fresh air." Renado said. "It's peaceful and the only responsibilities are ones within the village, such as chores and helping each other out. Nothing regarding status or money. Small village, small problems."
I looked down at my hands as I considered this new possibility.
"Give it some thought." Renado suggested. "I think I have said all I've wanted to and have given you a lot to think about. Why don't we all take a break? Perhaps some food is in order?" Renado said standing to his feet with Zelda quickly following.
"Yes. I think that's a wonderful idea. I'll inform Mrs. Crocombe in the kitchen and we'll have a mid morning snack before lunch."
"It has been a pleasure talking with you, (y/n). I hope perhaps our conversation wasn't to upsetting for you." Renado said shaking my hand.
"No I'm okay. I appreciate your honesty with me. I will consider your words." I tell him and he nods. Luda bows to us and they both follow Princess Zelda out the room.
"Are you okay?" Link asked and I nodded.
"Yes. I'm fine. I think I could use a bit of privacy though." I told him honestly. He smiled with a simple nod. He kissed my forehead and left with the others.
I sat back on my bed. Now I needed to think.