How Did We Get Here? • (FKA So Annoyed) | Redrafting in Progress

11

With my emergency bag in hand and a breakfast bag in the other, I enter the side door of the hotel. The sun was bright but the wind made it cooler. The contrast of air inside the building raised the hair on my arms. I rushed back to the room pulling the key card out my bra.

"Hey, I was finishing up my latest report." Jace perks up a bit but continues to type aggressively at the desk. It was across from the bed under the TV. I locked the door behind me, walking up to the closet setting my black and silver lined bag next to his.

"Yeah? What was it about?" I sat the bag next to him taking out the box of 8 crispy breakfast burritos and another box of half dozen donuts.

"Fent trail." He sighs closing his laptop. Sudden gloom hovers over us.

Shortly after we met, his uncle overdosed on fentanyl. Jace was expecting to get picked up by him after school since his mother was going through chemotherapy. My mother let him ride home with us and picked up his mother after treatment. When we arrived at their house he found his uncle.

"Are you handling it okay?" I break the awkward silence.

"Ah, yeah. I still get angry, I don't think I will try to catch anyone. I rather leave that to my colleagues to keep everyone alive." He unconsciously grabs my hand. I rub the pad of my thumb against his hand waiting until he lets go.

"Understandable. Now let's take a break and eat."

I dangled a donut with a napkin in front to his lips as an offering. He chuckles grabbing the bottom from me. "Thank you, love."

"You're welcome." I kiss his stuble chin before making my way to the bathroom. The mirror showed all the marks made from just hours ago. The adoration I felt for this man floods my system. Tracing the outline, I imagined them as flower petals scattered. Each of those came with 'I love you's that dated back to when I woke up in the hospital bed with my small hand in his.

Turning off the water I proceed wipe my hands on a towel before joining Jace for breakfast. At this point the tv was on with a kdrama from Netflix that we watched last night. Jace relocated to the edge of the bed going ham on his burritos. He emphasized every crunch with an 'mhm'.

"It's good, huh?" I smirk grabbing my burrito to see for myself. The initial crunch with the sauce made my roll my eyes. "Mhm... mhm!" He snaps three times breathing so hard.

Crunching filled our comfortable silence for the next 30 minutes. Before we knew it Jace broke his last burrito in half with a youthful twinkle in his eye and a crooked smile. The fact that I still manage to blush at his gestures gave me butterflies all over again. My greasy lips smile against his cheek turning him into a giggle bot. "Here, girl!" The half burrito was placed in my hand.

"Thank you."

"Why you keep putting yo big ass lips on me?" He joked, pushing me lightly.

"Why you keep putting your humongous hands on me?" I rolled my eyes kicking him in his toned thighs.

"Because I can."

"Then why you ask me, if you let me?"

"Eat your burrito before I take it back."

<<>>

We chilled the rest of the day play fighting, breezing through Netflix shows and him telling me about his cases. Our legs were tangled at this point. I was laying on his chest listening to his heart beat.

"Will you ever come back?" The silence broke but tension grew thick again.

"Jace... What would I gain coming back?" Everytime he ask I get frustrated but can never articulate my feelings.

"That's up to you."

"I don't want to blow up on you and you did nothing wrong. So, tell me about myself, eh. Tell me what my life consisted of. Tell me about the system I had before everyone acted like I was dead and didn't know me." I sigh playing with his hands.

He's the only one who's been honest with me so far. That's whose words I rather trust.

"When we met I was a sophomore and you were a freshman. You were were quiet, had some friends but you weren't in the loop with them. You were often left out by them because you didn't move the way they did. We met at my baseball game, well seen each other. I liked the way you dressed and the way you spoke, I wanted to know more of you. We had the same lunch period including Yuko. I told him I wasn't gonna sit with him that day because I was going to find you so I could at least get your socials. I found you on the edge of the bench scrolling through your phone while the girls were playing some type of game." He sighs rubbing my shoulder for comfort. Sounds about right. It's was hard making genuine friends in highschool. I may not remember what happened, but the feeling of isolation never left.

"I asked to sit with you outside because I to keep my potential embarrassment to a minimum, if you rejected me. You made me so nervous when we talked. We went on and on about cats and animals and your laugh was so beautiful I wanted to hear it all the time. You reached out for my left hand. You skin was so soft and warm, I wanted to skip the awkward stage and hug you like a pillow. We exchanged numbers and socials and that's when Yuko came into the picture." His demeanor grows cold as he racks through our shared memories.

"I told him all the updates between me and you. And at first it was cool. We were all hanging out, became best friends, stay over each other's houses and just bonding. Anytime I got you alone Yuko made sure to find us. You didn't see it that way and was just being nice. Eventually you guys started dating. I was hurt but I didn't care because I knew I wanted to be in your life no matter what title. You helped me a lot with my family's situation, when my mom had cancer the first time you were there helping her around the house. She taught you recipes she didn't even teach me yet. She loved you just as much as I do."

I remember every moment with him. Each of those moments, good or bad, I'd go through it over again. We grew so close, his mom never wanted us to depart from each other. The way Jace is so happy when he talks about our families relieved me. When we bumped heads they were the glue, especially his mom. But a line stuck out to me, "the first time". My heart was pounding so harsh against my chest I couldn't breathe.

"She went into remission and it's back?" I hold my chest refusing to look into his eyes. Lord knows my world will shatter.

"Uhm... yeah... yeah. Around the time you were preparing to leave she made me promise not to tell you. She said you were working so hard with her that you deserve to go and be happy and that I shouldn't stop that, so I didn't." Jace sighs resting his cheek against my head.

"You didn't deserve that hurt though. All you ever did was wait for me, most of the time I didn't know. I love mama and I'd do anything for her. She knows this, why..." I couldn't complete the question so I nussle into Jace.

We both sigh and remaining silent. I didn't realize how much I left behind. All because I couldn't see it. My self consumption became so great that I didn't feel supported even though I was. Now I really don't know what to do.