Kill, Love, Repeat

Chapter Eleven-End of 1st part

 I open my eyes and remember I'm still in my bedroom and all these past events flash quickly in front of my eyes. I sit on my side of the bed and look out the window. I know where Felix is. The only place where he would feel safe. With the idea of finding him in my mind, I get dressed.

As I open the door, Anne stands in front of me. "Where are you going without me?"

"None of your business. Move!" I'm already pissed and I haven't had my first glass of whiskey yet.

"Clearly that this guy is making you stupider. Are you willing to get yourself in jail because of a man?" Anne looks at me with disbelief. "Wake up! He doesn't care about you. When will you see it? He's probably helping the cops to capture you."

"Well, I wouldn't blame him. After everything you've put me through. I never asked any of this. I wanted a normal life."

"You don't deserve a normal life!" she screams and I'm pretty sure neighbours will be calling cops in seconds. "You deserve to be admired by everyone, people should be looking at you in a terrifying way. You have so much future ahead. Don't throw it away."

"You threw my life the minute you decided to make me a puppet for your revenge against men. Now, I'm just paying the price."

"Come with me, I can get you out of here with no problem but you gotta come with me."

I think about it and it's not a bad idea. Yes, I'm selfish and I should go to jail. Even if I convince Felix and the others that it wasn't me, they wouldn't believe me. Honestly, it is hard to believe that there is a secret organization that kidnaps children and brainwashes them. Okay, maybe not so hard to believe. But without evidence, Felix won't believe me. He did suspect something from Anne, even before I did. I hope he would help me.

"With one condition." I sigh and continue, "The only reason I'm not giving the crap out of you, it's because you need to tell me everything about the people you work with." And hopefully, once I know everything about them, I take them down. "I want to say goodbye to Felix."

She stays quiet for some time and she nods. "Meet me at the ferry station today when you are down. If you don't get your ass in three hours, I'm leaving without you."

"Deal."

"Take this cap, that's how I'll know it's you when you come on the ferry. Don't take it off."

"I told you, stop acting like a mother."

"Right, sorry. Here is the ticket." I grab the ticket and slam the door.

Outside the house...

I keep looking right and left, trying not to look suspicious. I have never been running from the cops before so I don't know if wearing black clothes and the cap is making me look suspicious. I'm wearing the black jumper Felix gave me two weeks ago. He loved it, me wearing his clothes, I'm not sure why. I hate when he tries my stuff or when he rearranges my closet for his stuff. He doesn't wear that many clothes anyway. Why does he need so much space in my own closet?

All of these thoughts are helping me, distracting me from what I'm really feeling. Shame, fear, anxiety. Although I can't express it, I feel them all. And the more I get to my destination, the more these feelings are expanding. Almost preventing me from walking when I get to the entrance of the care home.

I press hard, very hard my fingers against my palms and I swallow. I let the cold from the weather get into my skin. I feel the wind whispering Felix and I go in.

The receptionist asks me who I am because he's never seen me before. I say I'm looking for Felix's father. With no hesitation, he tells me where he is. I get to the top floor of the huge care home for elders and I decide to check the roof. And when I open the door, I see him and my heart fills itself with joy in milliseconds. I smile and I can't help but run towards him and hug him. Tears fall like a waterfall. He hesitates for a minute but hugs me back.