Never feel alone

Chapter 13

Callie

I flushed the toilet, then rinsed my mouth. My stomach burned like it was full of battery acid instead of the salad I had for lunch. Sinking down on the cool bathroom floor, I folded my knees to my chest, hugging myself, trying to calm my racing heart.

"Callie? Love?"

I sighed as Stef came into the bathroom, angry with myself for not locking the door. I didn't look up when she sat down across from me. "Did you get sick?"

I nodded, letting my hair cover my face.

Stef was quiet for a long time; such a long time that I was starting to get worried.

Then, she finally spoke up. "Callie, it would break my heart if the relationship you and I have were ruined; if I did anything to break your trust."

I glanced up at her for a split second, and there were tears in her eyes.

"You're very special to me," she went on. "I'm sorry if you feel like mama and I betrayed you, or went behind your back. But I promise you, honey, we're not like the others. We only wanted to help you and Sophia. But if you truly aren't ready to see a therapist, we won't force you." She paused, nudging my sneaker with her foot. "Say something, baby. Please?"

It was hard to stay mad at her. Here she was, a tough cop, and she was crying right in front of me. Slowly, my anger started to change to sympathy. "I know you're not like the others," I said quietly.

Stef smiled her pretty smile, even with the tears. "Thank you, honey."

"I'm sorry too," I apologized. "I shouldn't have talked to you like that. I didn't mean it. I have these panic attacks sometimes. It won't happen again."

She reached out for my hand, and I let her take it. "I forgive you, Callie. Do you forgive me?"

I nodded. "Yes."

She massaged my knuckles with her thumb, looking up at me. "I'm so glad to hear that, because I don't know what I'd do without you, honey. You're my only Slug-a-bug." She winked at me and smiled. "I know you're not much of a hugger, but can I have one?"

"I guess so," I said.

She pulled me into her arms and hugged me tight, and didn't let go for a long time. "I love you so much, baby," she said, pressing her nose into my hair and kissing my cheek.

While she held me, I thought about the times she'd been there for me; how she got up during the night to comfort me when I had a nightmare; how she gave me a special nickname, like the way she called Brandon, B. and Mariana, Miss. thing; how she took me and my sister shopping for the things we needed. I wrapped my arms tighter around her neck and breathed in the sent of her perfume.

It hit me with a sinking feeling that I'd done exactly what I wasn't supposed to do. I'd fallen in love with her.

Lena and Sophia were still in our room when Stef and I went back. They sat on the bed, talking quietly. When my sister saw me, she looked up, nervously.

"Lena, Callie has something she wants to say to you," Stef said, placing her hands on my shoulders.

I look back at her and swallowed. My throat was dry and my mouth tasted like crap. I wished I'd taken the time to brush my teeth. "I'm sorry for the way I acted," I apologized. "I didn't mean the things I said."

Lena stood up and hugged me. "It's okay, sweetheart. I understand. We all lose our heads sometimes."

I nodded. "Thanks."

Sophia turned to me, then. "Callie," she said. "I have something important to tell you."

"What is it?" I asked.

"I've been thinking about it," she told me, "and I'm going to the therapist."

My eyes widened, and the panic started to come back in my chest. "Sophia, no. You can't."

"Yes, I can," she said. She sounded a little surprised at herself. "And you can't stop me."

"I can't believe what I'm hearing," I breathed. "Do you know what could happen? Do you want to ruin your life?"

She stood up and crossed her arms over her chest. "My life is already ruined. Can't you see that?"

She sat back down, and squeezed her eyes shut. Tears gushed out, running down her cheeks. "I can still feel the gun in my hand, Callie. I see it every time I close my eyes. I'm tired of being scared all the time. I don't even care if I go to jail anymore. I just want to feel better."

"Sophia, think carefully about this..." I warned.

She brushed her tears away. "I just want to get help. I'm going to the therapist. You don't have to, but I am."

Later, I sat on the porch swing, letting my legs dangle. My mood hadn't improved, but had only gotten worse; I'd gone outside to avoid snapping at anyone else; it was better for everyone to remove myself from the situation for a little while.

Swinging slowly, I plucked the petals off a wildflower and tossed them on the ground, thinking depressing thoughts. I was mad at my sister, and I was scared for the both of us, too. I'd done so much to protect her, and I'd do it all again, because she was my little sister and I loved her. Keeping The Brian Thing a secret hadn't been easy for me, either; it haunted me just as much as it haunted her, so I understood why she wanted help, but I was more interested in immediate needs. We had a safe, loving home, and we were together. To me, that was all that mattered. If we were apart, nothing would matter. And I wasn't ready to lose the Fosters. Not yet, not like that.

I looked up as Jesus came out on to the porch. "Hey," he said. He sat down next to me on the swing, making the chains creak.

"Hey," I grunted, in no mood for company.

"Look, I heard what happened," he said. He shrugged. "Sorry. I couldn't help overhearing. I live in the next room."

I nodded, without looking up.

"You can't protect them from everything," he said quietly. "Trust me. I know."

I glanced at him, curious despite my mood. "What do you mean?"

He kicked back, lounging on the bench, disturbing it again. "My birth mom was a drug addict," he said. "She would leave us, sometimes all day and night, so she could go out and get high with whichever douche-bag she was dating. When she came back, she would act like nothing ever happened. She'd bring us presents, and apologize, and cry. Mariana always fell for it."

"That's too bad," I said. From what I'd heard from Mariana, the twins were only five when their mother left them. Who left two five-year-old kids alone?

"When Ana -that's our mom- was gone, I took care of Mariana," he went on. "I'd tell her we didn't need Ana, and that when she came back, we wouldn't even talk to her. Then, when she walked in the door, giving us those fake lines like she always did, Mariana would run right into her arms. She would try so hard to please her, and then a few days later, Ana would just ignore us again. Even at that age, I knew my sister was only setting herself up to get hurt. I tried to warn her, and then finally, I just gave up. She figured it out for herself when Ana abandoned us."

"You want to protect your sister from everything," he told me, watching me with dark, sad eyes. "But sometimes you just can't."

Wow. That was the most I'd ever heard Jesus say. It was the most he'd ever said to me. "Mariana is really lucky," I told him, and I meant it. "You seem like a good brother."

"Thanks," he said. "I am two minutes older. And... you seem like a good big sister, too." He got up, rocking the swing. "Just remember that whatever happens, moms have your back." He turned and went inside.

To Be Continued- Callie and Jesus have never had a scene together, have they? I just had to give them one in this story.