A Moment Too Late (Yaoi boyxboy)

7-Kida

I don't think either one of us was prepared for the sudden hug he gave me. He sat there, holding me as tears streamed down my face. Pathetic. I shouldn't be crying for any reason.

"I just don't want you to be alone. Nobody deserves that..." Nowaki said as he pulled away. My cheeks were warm from blushing. I stayed quiet and avoided his eyes. My head was starting to hurt from crying too. I sniffled and wiped the remaining tears with my sleeves. The bell rang and I felt my heart sink. I didn't want to go back to class...Maybe I should just cut the next class.

"We can cut a class if you want to." Nowaki said. I responded with a small nod and leaned back against the wall. I couldn't understand Nowaki. I'd been in his class for years, yet he had never spoken to me before. Why did he suddenly want start talking to me?
He looked at me and gave me a reassuring smile. I felt my heart flutter a bit. Why did he have to be so good looking? Then I wouldn't have to blush like an idiot so much...

I felt embarrassed.

I had just met Nowaki the day before yesterday, yet he had already seen my cuts, watched me cry like a child, and chose to give up his friends to hang out with me. Awful...I was awful. I felt tears beginning to well in my eyes again.

"What wrong?" Nowaki said gently. I shook my head.

"I'm sorry..." I mumbled, struggling to hold my tears back.

"For what? You didn't do anything." He stated. I sighed.

"No...for making you watch me cry and your friends and...I'm just sorry." I rested my chin on my arms. I couldn't see the face he was making, but his tone gave me an idea.

"Don't apologize." He told me. "You don't have anything to apologize for...you didn't make me do anything. Besides, you deserve to be happy just like anyone else." He said. That's just what he didn't understand. Even if I deserved happiness, which I wasn't even a hundred percent sure about that myself, I couldn't find it. It was almost as if happiness ran away from me.

"Yeah..." I replied, hoping he would be satisfied with that. I didn't want to talk about happiness or anything like that anymore. I just wanted it to be quiet. I looked down to find my hand clutching my sleeve again. I pulled my hand away, clenching my fist. My wrists were too torn up from the day I was absent to be doing that at all.

I regretted doing it to myself, but sometimes the pain would just become so unbearable that it was the only distraction strong enough to work. It was stupid...really stupid. I knew that, yet I did it anyway. I suddenly began wondering what my mom would think if she saw them.     She'd be shocked for sure...maybe tell my father even. He'd probably either not care or take that chance to throw me in a psychiatric hospital so he wouldn't have to see me anymore...

A quiet laugh escaped my lips at the thought. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw Nowaki glance at me, but it remained quiet. I supposed he could read the mood, so that's why he was so silent. I was glad. The last thing I needed was more tears and a worse headache.