A Moment Too Late (Yaoi boyxboy)

21-Kida

I woke up groggy and tired. I laid there, still half asleep and I couldn't recognize where I was. I started to panic, but I couldn't find the energy to sit up and try to remember where I was. I felt the bed and tried to speak.

"Nowaki..." My voice was an incoherent mumble. At first, I felt like an idiot for saying his name the second I woke up when he wasn't even there, but then I felt someone's arms snake around my waist. No more...

"Kida." Nowaki's voice answered back. I opened my eyes a little more and found myself looking at the wall across from me. There was a door, which was cracked open. Inside, there was a bathroom.

I knew where I was. This was Nowaki's room. I really had stayed the night, though I couldn't remember a lot of it right away. My head felt stuffy as if I had cried. I remembered doing that. Why had I started crying in the first place? I don't feel like doing this anymore...

That's right...Nowaki had told me he loved me. Why had it made me cry? If he told me he loved me now, I'd probably return it...no...I might cry again. It's just, I had been doubting so much in our 'relationship', and when he said that for the first time, it was so relieving yet it made me so sad. I wanted to know why, but I couldn't ask.

"Are you awake, Kida?" He asked as he squeezed me tighter. I nodded and we laid there for a second more, and then Nowaki sat up. I'm tired...

"Do you want to eat breakfast?" He asked. I nodded again, and he got out of bed and walked around the other side to me. He bent down and looked at me. "You ok?" He asked. I nodded again. He might have been getting annoyed, but I was so tired I didn't want to speak.

I stayed there for a moment, gathering the strength to get out of bed, despite the fact that I had gotten hours of sleep. Nowaki said he would meet me downstairs, and I mustered enough power to give him a 'yes', instead of nodding again. He smiled and then left the room. It was silent again. I'm tired of everything...

I slowly rolled onto my back and stared at the ceiling. I yawned for what felt like the millionth time. I was always tired, but never this tired. Maybe if I got up, splashed some cold water on my face, and ate breakfast I'd feel better.

I drug myself from the bed reluctantly and walked towards the bathroom. After closing the door behind me, I turned on the sink quickly and threw the cold water onto my face. It made me wake up for a short moment, but soon after I felt the same. Maybe if I just had breakfast I'd feel better. I trudged downstairs where Nowaki had a plate of eggs sitting for me. The morning was uneventful and extremely quiet. Nowaki and I exchanged a few words, but nothing very important. I don't want to be here anymore...

I didn't want to bother Nowaki by telling him I was tired and wanted to go to back to sleep, so I decided it would be better if I just went home. He seemed a little disappointed as I neared the door with my things.

"Kida...are you sure you're ok?" He gave me a look of doubt as I smiled at him.

"I'm fine, really." I lied. Please don't ask me anything...If he asked me to stay, or asked if I was ok one more time, I wouldn't be able to do it. I should have told Nowaki what I was thinking. I should have dropped my things and stayed with him.

But I didn't.

Instead, I said goodbye and left for my house. It was like I couldn't control my body movements anymore. I didn't want to leave Nowaki's house...I didn't want to leave what I had behind. At the same time, I just suddenly didn't want to deal with anything anymore. Everything that I loved, everything that I had and wanted...it stopped being important.

I loved those times with Nowaki, but they were still just as good in Nowaki's mind as they were in mine. He could hold onto those memories for both of us. I loved Nowaki...but I couldn't stay with him. The odd thing was, I didn't know why...I just couldn't do it amymore. I didn't have the energy...I had lost it a long time ago, and used what fumes of life I had left for Nowaki.

I was completely out now, and I couldn't get it back anymore.